The Girl In Question

Gunn

We need to act on this now.

Angel

Not without a full risk analysis. We don't want to be rushing into this thing half-cocked.

Gunn

(rolls his eyes) As opposed to the full-cock that's been working so well for us?

Angel

(stops walking; looks Gunn in the eyes; crosses his arms) You got something you want to say?

Gunn

Just don't wanna lose another baby with the bath water... boss.

Angel

Fine. We'll send Spike.

Spike

Bugger that. Do it yourself.

Gunn

Spike, this is a delicate matter that needs to be handled with a lot of finesse. (throws up his hands, looks at Angel) And why the hell are we talkin' to him?

Angel

Because he signed on to help.

Spike

(rolls his eyes, looks over at Angel) Not to be some glorified garbage collector.

Gunn

It's not garbage. It's a body. And there's a bloody gang war coming our way if we don't get it back.

Spike

(incredulously) This stiff's that important?

Gunn

It's the remains of the Capo di Famiglia of the Goran demon clan.

Spike

Never heard of 'em.

Gunn

That's 'cause the Capo was human-tolerant. Kept a low profile. More interested in profit than mayhem.

Angel

What happened to him?

Gunn

Died on a business trip in Italy. We need to go there, retrieve his body, and return it to his family in the next... (looks at his watch) Ooh, 26 hours.

Spike

Or what—he gets deader?

Gunn

No. He stays dead. They die, they pupate, they live again, but only if the proper rituals are performed by the immediate family. If the Capo's body isn't returned in time, the rituals won't take. So long, Capo. Hello, power vacuum.

Angel

Which the rival clans will try to fill.

Gunn

And they aren't as tolerant of humans. If we do this, it all stays cool. If not—

Angel

We'll stick with "do." (goes over to Spike, knocks his feet off the chair's arms) OK, come on. (takes Spike's video game away)

Spike

Hey, hey.

Angel

(telephone rings at his desk) Pack your bags. (walks to the desk)

Spike

I don't even speak the language.

Angel

We'll get you a book. (answers phone) Yeah?

Spike

(to Gunn) How do you say "wank off" in Italian?

Gunn

(shrugs) Can somebody please just get on a plane?

Angel

(to phone) What? (looks upset) When? (softly) Yeah. I understand. Thanks. (hangs up the phone)

Spike

(fatalistically) All right, what is it this time? Uber-vamps? Demon gods? Devil robots?

Angel

It's Buffy.

Angel

I said I'll take care of it.

Gunn

Take care of what?

Spike

Is Buffy all right?

Angel

She will be when I get there.

Spike

What happened? What happened?!

Angel

(stops near the elevator, turns to face Spike and Gunn) The Immortal.

Gunn

The who?

Spike

(sighs) The foulest evil hell ever vomited forth.

Harmony

Worse than you?

Angel

He was spotted in Rome near Buffy's— (turns back toward the elevator)

Gunn

Wait a minute. Rome. That's where the Capo died.

Spike

Oh, wait a minute. That's definitely his M.O.

Harmony

The Capo's?

Angel

The Immortal. He whacks the Capo, lures me to Rome, takes out a slayer and a vampire with a soul.

Gunn

Plus he starts a war when the Capo's body isn't returned for resurrection. This guy's good.

Angel

So am I. Harmony, have the jet fueled and ready for takeoff. (walks purposefully toward the elevator)

Spike

(joins Angel) You really think we could take him?

Angel

Whoa, whoa. What do you mean, "we"? (presses the elevator call button)

Spike

What? You don't think I'm gonna let you traipse off to Italy without me, do you?

Angel

(the elevator dings) You don't speak the language.

Spike

I'll get a book.

Angel

(gritting his teeth) Spike, you're only gonna make things worse. (walks onto the elevator)

Spike

(follows Angel onto the elevator) Look, we get the Capo's body, we rescue Buffy, we stop The Immortal. It's that simple. Unless he kills you, which would be sad.

Angel

He's not gonna kill me.

Spike

(smirks) Not if I'm with ya.

Angel

Just admit it: You think you're gonna ride in, save the day, and sweep Buffy off of her—

Spike

Like you're not thinking the same thing.

Angel

I'm already seeing somebody.

Spike

What, dog girl?

Angel

Nina's a werewolf, and—

Spike

Fido know her boyfriend's flying halfway around the world to visit his ex?

Angel

Hey, look, I was gonna call her, and we're just... hangin' out. She's not my girlfriend.

Spike

This rate, never will be.

Angel

Doesn't concern you, Spike.

Spike

(grins widely) I just wanna see you happy. (leans closer to Angel) Well, not too happy, 'cause then I'd have to stake ya. (sits back in his seat, then smiles) Second thought, have at it.

Angel

This isn't about us.

Spike

You and Nina?

Angel

Me and you. This is a dangerous mission that's only gonna get worse if we don't put aside our differences. Look, we have to work together on this to stop The Immortal and save Buffy. (sighs) Oh, and pick up that demon body thingy.

Spike

Partners, then?

Angel

Just like old times. You want a drink?

Spike

God, yes.

Angel

(looking at the empty bottle in his hands) Huh. Really can't get drunk off these things.

Spike

(slouching in his chair, twirling an empty bottle in his hands) Not us, anyway. Vampire constitution. Not always a plus. (beat) How did you know?

Angel

Drank a lot of 'em, and I still don't like you.

Spike

(scoffs) About Buffy. How did you know she was in trouble?

Angel

I got word.

Spike

From who?

Angel

A source.

Spike

You've been spying on her?!

Angel

I just wanted to make sure she was all right.

Spike

Sending your lackeys to do your stalking for you. That is really pathetic.

Angel

All right, fine. I'm not proud of it, but it's... it's Buffy.

Spike

How many you got on her?

Angel

Uh, just the one. But he got spotted. Called me from the hospital after he regained consciousness.

Spike

You should've had more of your people watching her.

Angel

(sighs) Yeah. We'll be landing soon. (Spike sighs) Remember the last time we were in Italy?

Spike

Like it was yesterday.

Spike

Ciao.

Ciao.

Ciao.

Ciao.

Spike

Ciao.

Angel

Wait a minute. I wasn't in Italy in the fifties.

Spike

Oh, right. Guess you weren't. Really missed out.

Angel

Guess so. Sounds a lot better than when I remember it.

Spike

1894?

Angel

The room of pain.

(grunts as he regains consciousness) Oh, William. (struggles to swing himself into William) Agh! Unh!

(when hit by Angelus, wakes) Ow! Bloody hell.

(struggling against his restraints) Agh! Unh!

(looks up at his shackled wrists) That right bastard.

The Immortal thinks he can do this to us?

He doesn't know who he's dealing with.

Well, he's about to find out. (struggles against his restraints) Aagh!

He's gonna curse the day he ever crossed purpose with Angelus.

And William the Bloody.

(both grunting as they struggle to get free) We'll see just how immortal he is when we're done with him.

We'll carve him up like a Sunday roast and make him watch as we feast on his steaming flesh. (they both struggle to get free of their shackles, but make no headway) Yaaaagh! Aah! Unh! (gasps for breath) How you doin'?

Bugger.

Arrr! (escorted by two body guards, a man walks into the room wearing a fine suit; he takes off his hat and gloves) Your master send you to do his dirty work? Ferry us to hell, then. We'll save a spot for him—next to the fire, the mangy, dung-lickin'— (slaps Angelus gently in the face with his gloves) Bit over the top there, are ya?

(unshackling Angelus first, then William) His benevolence The Immortal wishes to convey his regrets at having detained you, but your recent actions against his concerns merited stiff reprimand.

His concerns?

This is our city. We were here first.

No, actually, he was. 300 years ago. And now he's back. You will leave this city tonight and never return under a penalty of death so swift that—

Go ahead. Take your best shot. I'll snatch your little wee sticks out of the air and spend the next fortnight shoving 'em slowly up your arse.

(both laugh) Can you really do that?

The arrow thing? I don't know. Never tried. (picks up his clothes) Aw! Look what he did to me shirt! (getting dressed)

"His benevolence The Immortal."

In for a shock, he is. There's gonna be a reckoning after a good meal and a long rest in the arms of...

Darla!

What have they done to her?

I can no longer hear the song of the green.

Lorne

You think that includes me?

Wesley

Her powers have been greatly reduced. She still has an unusual level of strength, but is no longer invulnerable or able to alter time.

You revel in my defeat.

Wesley

Is that how you view it—you've been defeated?

My world gone. My power stripped. How would you define it?

Lorne

Uh, I don't know, how about... lucky we didn't kill you when you went nuclear?

This fate is worse than death. Condemned to live out existence in a vessel incapable of sustaining my true glory. How am I to function with such limitation?

Lorne

(chuckles) Well, ever tried a Sea Breeze?

You attempt amusement at the expense of your better.

Wesley

Illyria. Perhaps you should return to the lab.

I do not bend to your wishes.

Wesley

I'm not asking you to. Merely suggesting that more tests might lead to knowledge of how to help you function.

(glares at Wes, then turns toward the stairs) I go because it suits me. (walks upstairs)

Lorne

Whew. Ah, so too bad that whirly-jig thing didn't suck the sass out of her.

Wesley

She's overcompensating. Posturing.

Lorne

So she really wasn't gonna snap my stalk?

Wesley

Her powers are weakened, but... she's still unpredictable. Perhaps more so until she learns to adjust. (elevator bell dings behind them) We have to be careful not to agitate her.

Lorne

(seeing them over Wes's shoulder) Burkles!

See? I told you they would remember us.

Guess we do make an impression.

Wesley

(gruffly) Why are you here? (catches himself, and softens up) I mean, what—

Hawaii.

Been savin' up for years.

Thought we'd take a layover and surprise Fred. Uh, know where we can find her?

Wesley

(beat) Step into my office.

Angel

Let me handle this.

Spike

Bet you'd like to.

(clutches his hands to his heart) Spike! O mio dio! (hugs Spike tightly) E come un sogno incantevole. (releases Spike, steps back) What are you doing here?

Angel

About to ask you the same question, Andrew.

Buffy and Dawn are letting me crash. My casa was incinerated when that thing happened.

Spike

What thing?

Cultural misunderstanding. (chuckles nervously) Let us speak of more pleasant times. Entrate pure. I part my threshold. (Angel and Spike just stare) I mean, my apartment. Obviously. (Angel and Spike enter the apartment at the same time, getting stuck in the doorway; Angel wriggles free and enters first) So, um, I had plans later this evening, but I can change them if you guys wanna hang. (tries to straighten up the apartment a bit) Uh, I could show you Rome at night, a city of contrasts. Anywhere you want to go, anything you want to see.

Angel & Spike

(simultaneously) Buffy.

Right, because you two both— (nods, crosses his arms) Yeah. She's not here.

Angel

Where'd she go?

Spike

By herself?

I told you I had plans.

Angel

When did she leave?

Just missed her.

Spike

Then we're not too late.

Angel

Of course, it could be worse.

You're telling me. (plops himself onto the couch) Most nights they never leave the house, just curl up on the couch and snuggle.

Angel

(frowns, hurt) There's snuggling?

For starters. (sits up) Wait. Uh, you didn't know they were...together?

Spike

(looks at Angel) It's worse.

(rushes to her side) Darla. Darla! (rolls her over to look in her face) Darla! What have they done? My sweet death.

Darla

(weakly) Angelus. You're back.

I'd claw my way back from the depths of hell to lay by your side. (pulls her into his arms for a kiss, but recoils, drops her, stands and wipes his mouth) He's tasted you.

Who?

Who do ya think?

Well, that cheeky bastard. Had us tossed and then violates your woman.

(to Darla) Did he hurt ya?

Darla

(writhes, smiles naughtily) Not until I asked him to. (stands, wrapped in a sheet) Oh, come on. Have you seen him? With the eyes and the chest and the... (sighs blissfully) immortality.

We're immortal.

Darla

(in the corner dressing, putting on a robe) Not like him. I mean, he's not some common vampire. He's—I don't know what he is. A giant. A titan straddling good and evil, serving no master but his own considerable desires.

Darla—

Darla

And spiritual. Did you know he spent 150 years in a Tibetan monastery? Which I guess explains all the desire.

He's my arch-nemesis.

Darla

Darling. It was just fornication. (chuckles) Really great fornication.

(steps in for a closer look at Darla) She's glowing, mate.

(brushing him off) She isn't.

Darla

(nods) Little bit.

(to Angelus) Best fit you for a pair of antlers. Been made the right cuckold, you have.

(steps out from the next room wearing a lacy negligee) Time for another pony ride?

(sees Drusilla, gasps) Son of a bitch!

(points from Darla to Drusilla) The both of ya?

Darla

(shrugs, giggles) He's insatiable.

Drusilla, you—you let him touch you?

(closes her eyes and holds up her arms, remembering) He felt like sunshine.

(shaking his head) Uh, no. No.

That's why he had us tossed. So he could violate—

Darla

He didn't—

Violate our women!

(points angrily) Violate in succession!

Darla

Concurrently.

Concurrently? (frowns) You never let us do that.

Darla

(touches Drusilla's hand, talks into her ear) Come on, Dru. Let's have a bath so the boys can weep in private.

Will you hold me under the water?

Darla

If you wish.

Rrrrarrgh! (throws a vase against the wall, shattering it) This is a slight that will not go unmet.

Death's too quick.

Not all deaths are quick.

What do you have in mind?

I think it's time The Immortal found out exactly who he's dealing with. I think it's time for blood vengeance.

Blood vengeance. I'm sure we're on the list. Is there anything under blood vengeance?

No. No blood vengeance. Sorry.

Maybe it's under Angelus.

You're not on The Immortal's list.

(to William) Ah, you know what? To hell with the list. (with Spike, he charges toward the bouncer, but a magical force field bounces them back) Augh!

(referring to his list) You're not in here. You're not going in there. Piss off!

He mocks us at every turn.

Yeah, the man has no sense of indecency. You remember Frankfurt? He hatches the Rathruhn egg personally and just decides to give those nuns safe passage.

Those were my nuns!

Yeah. Nuns are your thing. Everybody knows that. They respect it. They respect us.

We are the reason men fear the night. This isn't over yet, Immortal! This'll never be over!

Spike

It's over. Just like that. Not that I thought I had a chance anyway.

Angel

At least I have a girlfriend.

Spike

(shrugs) Still.

Angel

(defeated) Yeah.

Spike

(incensed) The Immortal?!

Angel

I mean, come on!

Spike

She's smarter than that.

Angel

She'd never fall for a centuries-old guy with a dark past who may or may not be evil.

Spike

(points) She's under some kind of spell.

Angel

I was just thinking that.

Spike

We're gonna pick up the Capo's body...

Angel

Find The Immortal, and break his whammy.

(puts the bag on the table nearest to Angel and Spike) Grazie, Signor Angelo. We are in your debt for attending to a delicate matter. Grazie, grazie.

Angel

(nervously, points to the bag) Um, this is the, uh, Capo di Famiglia of the Goran demon clan?

Si, si. The Capo di Famiglia.

Spike

Must've been a wee fella.

Angel

(unzips the bag, looks inside) This is just his head.

Si, si. The Capo di Famiglia.

Spike

What happened to the rest of him?

When a Goran demon becomes heavy with the age, his head-a sag and drop off like a ripe-a fig. Heh.

Angel

So his new body just hatches out of it?

If the rituals are performed by the family in time. You must-a get the head of the Capo to Los Angeles subito. Eh? Si?

Angel

Si. Subito.

Angel

Is Buffy home yet?

You guys, it's only 8:30.

Angel

Right.

Spike

Yeah.

Angel

Do you know where they went?

Gotta say this is a step up from where you boys used to hang your hat.

Ooh, a couple of steps.

Wesley

(closes the office door) Yes, we—

Uh, you know, we didn't wanna say anything, but we were a little worried about that old hotel.

Seemed a little run-down.

But Fred called it home, so we just kept our mouths shut.

Girl reaches a certain age, she's earned the right to make her own decisions.

Which with Fred was around 7, wasn't it? (Mrs. Burkle laughs)

Wesley

Mr. and Mrs. Burkle—

Please.

Roger and Trish.

The way she goes on about y'all, well, it feels like we're practically family.

So where is that prodigal daughter—out saving the world with that nice Angel fella?

Roger, Trish. There's something you need to know. (takes a deep breath) Fred—

Fred

Mom?

Well! There she is now.

Fred

Dad! Oh, my God. What are y'all doing here? (runs to hug her parents)

Sweetie.

Sight for sore eyes.

Oh, you look great!

Angel

Dancing. Why'd it have to be dancing?

Spike

(to the sexy female bartender) You speak English, luv?

Si, si. I love the English.

Spike

We'll get along fine, then.

Angel

We're looking for a girl. American. Blond hair. Blue eyes.

Many blond American coeducationals. Spring break? The girls, they go wild.

Angel

No, no. We-we're looking for a friend of ours.

Spike

She's in trouble. This ponce called The Immortal is—

Ah, si. Si. The Immortal's new ragazza. They come, while ago. (gestures to the crowd) There. (Angel and Spike turn to look; a blonde is dancing in the middle of the crowd) Your friend maybe go a little wild, too, si?

Spike

Right. Hold down the fort. I'll be right back. (walks away toward the dancing crowd)

Angel

Huh? (follows Spike) Oh, yeah, here it comes. The part where you run off alone and play the big hero so Buffy'll take you back. Well, newsflash, blondie bear: Never gonna happen.

Spike

Look! I know I don't have a shot with her, all right? Probably never did, but I still care about her, and I'm not gonna let her end up with a jerk like The Immortal. Or you.

Angel

Hey, ours is a forever love.

Spike

(scoffs) I had a relationship with her, too.

Angel

OK, sleeping together is not a relationship.

Spike

It is if you do it enough times.

Angel

Spike.

Spike

What?

Angel

The head.

Spike

I thought you had it. (they look back at the bar to see the butler from the house where they picked up the head carrying the bag away) Hey! (chases the butler; puts his hand on the butler's shoulder) Where you think you're going with our head, Jeeves?

Anywhere he wants.

Angel

Don't suppose we can talk about this over a nice amaretto?

(performed by Dean Martin) Once upon a lovely time, Many million dreams ago, Once there was a man in love, dear, Many million dreams ago. Once he thought he had a sweetheart, Then he broke the golden rule: Never take your love for granted. Wise men often play the fool. Now he'd like to say, "I'm sorry." Can't you see within his heart Without you, there's no tomorrow. Why should true love have to part? A man punches Angel, and he staggers back. Spike jumps the man, knocking him down. Angel engages another man, punching him, while Spike kicks the man he tackled before. They continue to fight, exchanging punches. Angel grabs the man he's fighting and throws him headfirst into the wall. Spike punches his man in the face, shattering a display at the bar. Angel walks toward Spike, but Spike punches him in the face. When Spike stands and looks at whom he punched, he realizes it's Angel. Angel looks at Spike, wondering why he would hit him. Angel rubs his jaw, then gets an angry look on his face before returning Spike's punch. Spike looks angrily at Angel, and they both rear back to swing, punching each other in the face.

Angel

(getting up from the floor) What the hell are you doing?

Spike

(yelling) I was confused, ya git! It's very loud in here.

Angel

Where'd the little guy go?

Spike

Where'd he go?

Angel

(scrambles back to his feet) Hey! (watches the car drive away) That's our car. He's got our car.

Spike

(pulls the bike up to Angel) Hop on, little mama.

Angel

I'm not ridin' on the back.

Spike

He's getting away.

Angel

Faster! Come on, punch it!

Spike

Stop holding on so tight.

Angel

Shortcut. Turn right.

Spike

Let go of me.

Angel

Turn left, turn left. We'll cut him off.

Spike

All right, already!

Spike

Son of a— (angry muttering)

Angel

(kicks the debris) One job, you know. Hang onto the head. That's it.

Spike

You were right there, too.

Angel

I wasn't in charge of the head.

Spike

Well, it's gone now, isn't it? You gonna stand here in the strada yelling at me all night?

Angel

Did you just say strada?

Spike

It means street.

Angel

Yeah. I know what it means.

Spike

We only have 12 hours to get that head back before Los Angeles becomes a demon war zone. Should we argue some more, or should we get on with it?

Angel

Ah, all right. You know, you're right. No more screwing around. We find that guy, we get the head back, and then we get the hell outta here. That's it.

Angel

Have you seen the blond girl?

Spike

Buffy. Her name is Buffy.

Angel

She was just dancing with The Immortal.

Spike

Are they still here? Did they leave?

Relax-a, relax. It's OK.

Spike

They're still here?

No, no. They're gone. But you must relax. I pour you some wine.

Angel

Oh, he's got her, Spike. He's got Buffy. Why is this always happening to us?

Spike

It's him. The Immortal. This is what he does. Every time he shows up, I either lose my girl, get beaten by an angry mob, or get thrown in prison for tax evasion. Long story.

Angel

Well, you know what? It's different now. We're different.

Spike

Hey, damn right we are. We're not gonna be his Shemps anymore.

Angel

No way, man. I mean, we're just out of our element.

Spike

If this was L.A., We'd have him hog-tied by now.

Angel

If we had our resources, if we had our team, if we had our helicopters or—he'd be in a world of—

Spike

Hang on. Doesn't Wolfram & Hart have an office here in Rome?

Angel

(looking around) Huh.

(talking in a very animated way) Ciao! Benvenuti! Welcome! Ah, Spike. (kisses Spike on both cheeks) Ha ha ha. Oh! You are the very meaning of handsome. You take my breath away. Ah, I have no breath. Ha ha ha! (kisses Angel on both cheeks) And you, what an honor. The great Angelus.

Angel

Actually, it's just Angel.

Ah, yes, of course. The gypsies, they gave you your soul. The gypsies are filthy people! (spits) And we shall speak of them no more. I am Ilona Costa Bianchi. I'm the CEO of the Roman offices of Wolfram e Hart. And please, we are at your disposal. Whatever it is that you want, we give to you. If you want the world, we give you the world. We give you 2 worlds, in fact, because this is our way.

Angel

OK.

Spike

Good. Yeah.

Now, let's go in my office, and we talk like adults, eh? Come. (turns toward her office) Pietro.

(sitting at the receptionist's desk) Si, signora.

(speaking Italian rapidly) Vai un circare un caffe e dolce qual checosa di mangiare.

Per chino, signora. Andiamo. Subito.

Spike

(Angel and Spike hesitate to follow her, but do) She seems nice.

I gotta tell ya. Everyone is so dang friendly. I can't get over it.

Fred

Well, they kinda have to be, daddy. I'm their boss. If they're mean to you, I'll just fire 'em.

Have we not seen each other since I ran over that bug demon with the bus? How is that even possible?

Wesley

Things have been a bit hectic these last couple...years.

Well, I want to hear absolutely everything, but most importantly, have you got a young lady in your life?

Fred

Mom!

What? I was just asking. Well, can I help it if there's a perfect gentleman hiding in plain sight of my single daughter?

Fred

Dad, make her stop.

Knock it off, big mouth.

(to Wesley) He keeps talking to me like that, I'm gonna keep you for myself.

Uh, is this whole laboratory yours, honey?

Fred

Well, technically, it's the company's, but... yeah. I'm in charge of it. Wanna see my office?

That's it up there? (to Trish) Come on, baby.

Well!

Wesley

(grabs Fred's arm, whispers angrily) What the hell are you doing?

Fred

Visiting with my folks.

Wesley

Illyria—

Wesley

How's it possible?

(steps out of the office) Sweetie, you have got to do a better job decorating. This office is as bare as a bone. (notices the tension between "Fred" and Wesley, puts her hands on her hips) Is everything OK?

Wesley

Everything's fine.

Please, make yourselves as though you were at home. Your problems, they are no more. You have no more problems. (shrugs, chuckles) What are your problems?

Angel

Our friend, she's under some sort of spell...

Spike

Cast by the vilest wretch this side of Mount Everest. Which... I'm told he has climbed... several times.

Angel

Look, he goes by the name of The Immortal.

Ah, The Immortal. Ah. Then your friend is lucky. Ha ha. I have had dealings with The Immortal many times, and I must say that the outcome is always... most satisfactory.

Spike

He's got her trapped.

Angel

It's a love spell, and we—

It's doubtful. The Immortal doesn't use spells. He considers them dirty. Dirty tricks for dirty people. Like gypsies. (spits) We will speak of them no more.

Spike

Well, he's done something magic to her.

Angel

We need to do some research. Look, don't you guys have, like, an Italian Wesley here?

Yes. Yes, we have, but he's taking a nap. And I do not need him to tell me what is already widely known, that The Immortal does not use magic.

Spike

Then it must be somethin' else.

Angel

Look, we need to know everything there is to know about him. We need—

To keep your head. Ha ha! Yes. We know all about your mission to retrieve the Capo di Famiglia. And I have to say, right now it seems a bit more important than trying to pry your friend off of The Immortal. Your head is in great danger. (walks to her desk) We have already received a ransom note. It was addressed to you via our offices. (unfolds a piece of paper) I took the liberty of sneaking a peek. (hands the paper to Angel, who seems annoyed) We must hurry because the drop is about to take place in less than one hour.

Angel

All right. We're gonna need a chase helicopter, assault team...

Spike

And guns. Lots and lots of guns.

No, no, no, no! No, no. (squeezes their cheeks) The two of you are so precious. But no! This is a civilized country. We do these things all the time. Somebody gets kidnapped, somebody pays the money. Everybody goes home happy. Grazie. Prego. Kiss-kiss. We already have the money ready to go. (gestures to Pietro, who opens a briefcase full of Euros) Eh. Huh?

Angel

(Angel and Spike look at each other and sigh) All right. Fine. Whatever. We'll do it your way.

Spike

(sighs) Who's making the drop?

Angel

I helped save the world, you know.

Spike

Like I haven't.

Angel

Yeah, but I've done it a lot more.

Spike

Oh, please.

Angel

I closed the hellmouth.

Spike

I've done that.

Angel

Yeah, you wore a necklace. You know, I helped kill the mayor and, uh, and Jasmine and—

Spike

Do those really count as savin' the world?

Angel

I stopped Acathla. That saved the world.

Spike

Buffy ran you through with a sword.

Angel

Yeah, but I made her do it. I signaled her with my eyes.

Spike

She killed you. I helped her! (points) That one counts as mine.

Angel

My point is I'm better than this. OK? We're better than this. What the hell could Buffy see in him?

(stepping out of a nearby car, speaking in an Italian accent) Perhaps she likes the cut of his trousers.

Sorry to just drop in on you like this unannounced.

Well, the beach is callin'.

Wesley. You take care of our little Fred for us. OK?

Wesley

Of course.

(hugs Fred) Ohhh. I miss you already, and we haven't even gone yet. (sighs, looks her in the face) You sure you're OK? You seem different somehow.

Oh, she's just growin' up, mother. Let her go. You're gonna embarrass her in front of her employees.

Oh, we love you, too.

We'll talk soon. OK?

Wesley

Did you get what you needed from that experience?

Wesley

Good. Don't ever do it again. (walks to his office)

You must be so lonely. Your girlfriend has become lovers with The Immortal. How unfortunate for you. And how fortunate for her.

Angel

(scoffs) You know The Immortal?

But of course.

Angel

Ha! I knew it. None of this is a coincidence.

Spike

Been his plan all along. Steal our head, keep us busy, and traipse off with my girl. (Angel gives him a look) Our girl.

Angel

It's a setup. You're just his lackey.

I should be so lucky. The Immortal does not need men like me to do his business. He is a wild card, a wolf removed from the pack, a stallion without, uh, the bridle.

Spike

(sarcastically) What, are you in love with him?

No, no, no, no. Well, OK, yes. But if anything, he's more of a, uh, inspiration, a spiritual guide. Have you read his book? It's a life changer.

Angel

(whispers to Spike) I'm gettin' a little tired of Italy.

Spike

Know what you mean.

Oh, look. The Americans are relying on violence to solve their problems. What a surprise. (as the fight ensues, the demon throws the bag into the air) Whoo!

(catches the bag) OK. No more games! (pulls out a gun and aims it at the bag) (everyone stops fighting, but then Angel elbows a man behind him, getting in one final blow) One more step, and the head gets it, hey? We are not animals. We are italiano. You give us the money, we give you the head. (Angel and Spike don't move; they just stare) You give us the money, we give you the head. (Angel and Spike stare) The money, the head. The money—

Angel

Yeah. We get it. (hits Spike) Money.

Spike

(holds out the money, but pulls it back) Hey. (they switch bags at the same time)

Arrivederci, americanos. It was a pleasure to do the business with you. (chuckles; he and his men leave)

Spike

Don't believe him for a second. The Immortal's neck-deep in all of this.

Angel

'Course he is. He's screwin' us. He's screwed us before, and he's screwin' us now.

Spike

Yeah. Every time we hear his bleeding name, we end up standin' in the strada holdin' the bag.

Spike

Civilized country? Look what that squeaker did to my jacket.

Angel

After everything we've been through, you're pissed about a jacket.

Spike

No, not a jacket. My jacket. You have no idea what I went through to get this.

Angel

You stripped it off a body of a dead slayer.

Spike

Well, which gives it great sentimental value. Besides, I've been wearin' it for over 30 years. It's like a part of me.

Angel

Get over it. Buy a new one.

Spike

It's my second skin. It's who I am. It's just one more thing he's taken away that I'll never get back.

Spike

(admiring the new coat) Yeah! This is good.

(petting Spike's shoulders and chest) I'm glad you like, because I sent another 10 of them to Los Angeles for you along with a fine assortment of shoes.

(gasps) You! Guarda! Come sei bello! Sei bellissimo! (speaks Italian) Bellissimo! You look gorgeous! Oh!

Angel

You know, I'm not sure this is me.

No, no, no, no, no. This is the latest style. You will define handsome for years to come. Ha ha ha! Now, what happened to the drop? No grazie, prego, kiss-kiss?

Angel

Grazie, prego, ka-boom.

Ohh! Oh, they always do this to first-timers in this country. Did I not mention that?

Angel

(unzips his jacket angrily) That's it. Call up the helicopters.

Spike

And the assault team.

Angel

We're gettin' our head back.

No, no, no. I love the two of you so much, but brute force will only get your precious head smooshed. You have done such fine quality work. (escorts them to the door) Now, please, relax. Let us handle it from here. (walks them out of her office) Sometimes you have to put your fate in a higher power.

Angel

We're heroes. We don't need any higher power.

I'll be in touch. (closes the doors to her office)

Angel

We make our own fate. (the doors click shut) We don't need anybody cleaning up our mess. You know, we're champions! (Spike pounds on the door; Angel tries to open it, but it's locked) Got this under control. (pounding on door) You know, we're just gonna— We're— (leans against the door and sighs) Should we just go home?

Spike

(sighs) Oh, God, yes. (they walk to the elevators) Couldn't get me out of this rat hole of a country fast enough.

Angel

Is Buffy back yet?

(his hair is wet and he's wearing a bathrobe, holding a towel) Sorry. Not yet. You guys can hang if you want. I'm just heading out. (Angel and Spike walk in; turns to Angel) Oh. Hey. Nice jacket.

Angel

(closes the door behind him) It's the latest style.

Spike

Andrew. Has Buffy been acting off? Like The Immortal's got her under a spell of sorts?

Excellent question. No. (walks back to the bathroom, off screen)

Angel

Could it be mind control?

Spike

Or a love potion? Did she drink a love potion?

Angel

But she's not finished baking yet. (ranting) I gotta wait till she's done baking, you know, till she finds herself, 'cause that's the drill. Fine. I'm waitin' patiently, and meanwhile, The Immortal's eatin' cookie dough! (sighs, sits)

Spike

(defensively) No! (looks at Angel, who's holding his head in his hands, rubbing his eyes) Not yet.

Angel

(stands) Really?

Spike

Wh-what are they?

Spike

(to Angel) It is a bit silly. Us... chasin' around like a couple of henpecked teenagers.

You guys should try it sometime. (there's a knock on door; answers it to find two beautiful women on the other side) Ah, Caprice, se bella come la notte. (kisses the blonde on both cheeks) E tu, Isabella... (kisses the brunette on both cheeks) superi perfino le stelle. (turns to Angel and Spike) Ciao. (exits and closes the door)

Spike

Well... maybe it's time we—

Angel

Yeah.

Wesley

Stop it.

Wesley

I loved her.

Wesley

(stands, faces her) Never. You... like this. It sickens me.

Wesley

(leans away) Stop it! (avoids looking at her) Change back. Be blue. Be anything. Don't be her. (walks toward the door) Don't ever be her. (walks out)

(leans her head back, transforms back into Illyria's blue form) As you wish.

Gunn

(to the assistant) Thanks.

Angel

Gunn. We lost the head. Start preparing the troops for war.

Gunn

Head's in your office.

Angel

What?

Gunn

It's on your desk.

Angel

"With regards, The Immortal." (angrily rips the note into tiny shreds) You know, I really hate that guy!

Spike

What's Buffy thinking? H-honestly?

Angel

She doesn't exactly have the best taste in men. Case in point. (looks at Spike)

Spike

H-hey! I think I turned out all right.

Angel

Yeah. Once she got through with you.

Spike

I wasn't the one livin' in alleys, rubbin' rat filth all over my face. If we're talkin' projects, you're the Sistine Chapel.

Angel

I wasn't a project.

Spike

Well, neither was I. (Angel sighs, sits on the edge of his desk) Can't we just... lock her away in a box where no one can ever touch her? You know? Like we did with Pavayne?

Angel

(crosses his arms, thinks a moment) I don't think she'd let us. Uh, she's pretty strong.

Spike

We could do a spell. Some sort of mind control.

Angel

Oh, she'd figure it out. You know, she's pretty smart.

Spike

Yeah. (sighs, sits on the edge of the desk by Angel) So, what? We just have to live with it? Get on with our lives?

Angel

'Fraid so.

Spike

(sighs) Fine. (sniffles) No problem. I was plannin' on doin' that anyway.

Angel

Yeah, me, too.

Spike

Actually, I'm doin' it right now. As we speak, I'm movin' on.

Angel

Movin' on.

Spike

Oh, yeah.

Angel

Right now.

Spike

Movin'.