Halloween

I don't say much but I, but I like to sing Cordelia: I know. Is the Bronze so not happening? Or what? (sets down her drink and sits) Angel: Oh. Hi.

Angel

I'm waiting for Buffy.

Just have to wait and sing Cordelia: Great! I'm supposed to be meeting Devon, but he's nowhere to be seen. It's like he thinks being in a band gives him an obligation to flake. Angel smiles at the joke.

Cordelia

Well, his loss is your incredible gain! Cut to the door. Buffy comes in, looks around and sees Angel at the table with Cordelia, laughing. Cut to Angel's table.

Angel

Buffy? He gets up and hurries over to her.

But still my heart pours out, out from my lips Buffy: (turns back around) Hi! I'm...

Angel

Late.

Buffy

Rough day at the office. Angel reaches up to her hair and pulls out a piece of straw.

Angel

So I see.

Well I'm mute, but I'm not quite mute Buffy: Hey, it's a look. A seasonal look.

Buffy

A date. So did I. But who am I kidding?

I'm an angel burning out / Oh now Buffy: Dates are things normal girls have. Girls who have time to think about nail polish and facials. You know what I think about? Ambush tactics. Beheading. Not exactly the stuff dreams are made of. (turns and goes out the door) Cordelia: (comes back) Cappuccino? She holds the cup up to him. He looks at her, down at the cappuccino and then back at the door. Cut to school the next day. Sign-ups are being taken for the volunteer safety program for Halloween. Principal Snyder takes one of the clipboards and looks around the hall. He grabs the next girl that walks by and pulls her aside.

Hey!

You're volunteering. He holds out the clipboard and pen to her. Willow, Buffy and Xander come in from the other hall.

But I have to get to class. Snyder just shrugs. The team walks past him.

Willow

Snyder must be in charge of the volunteer safety program for Halloween this year.

Xander

Note his interesting take on the volunteer concept.

Buffy

What's the deal? They've reached Willow's locker, and she works the combination.

Xander

Oh, a bunch of little kids need people to take them trick-or- treating. Sign up and get your own pack of sugar-hyped little runts for the night.

Buffy

Yikes. I'll stick to vampires. Snyder puts his hand on her shoulder, and she spins around to face him.

Miss Summers. Just the juvenile delinquent I've been looking for.

Buffy

Principal Snyder!

Halloween must be a big night for you. Tossing eggs, keying cars, bobbing for apples, one pathetic cry for help after another. Well, (leads her to the sign-up table) not this year, missy. Willow and Xander come stand behind her.

Buffy

Gosh, I'd love to sign up, but I recently developed carpal tunnel syndrome, and can tragically no longer hold a flashlight. Snyder holds up the clipboard and pen.

The program starts at four, the children have to be back at six. Buffy reluctantly grabs the pen and clipboard and signs herself up. Xander thinks it's funny and smiles back at Willow. Willow has a concerned look on her face. Snyder holds pens out to Willow and Xander, too. They both look at him, begging not to be put through this. Willow gives in and takes the pen. Cut to another part of the hall.

Xander

I can't believe this. We have to get dressed up and the whole deal?

Willow

Snyder said costumes were mandatory.

Buffy

Great. I was gonna stay in and veg. The one night a year things are supposed to be quiet for me.

Xander

Halloween quiet? Oh, I figured it'd be a big old vamp scare- apalooza. They walk into the lounge.

Buffy

Not according to Giles. He swears that tomorrow night is, like, dead for the undead. (the girls sit) They stay in.

Xander

(smiling) Those wacky vampires! That's why I love 'em! They just keep you guessing! He puts his satchel down on the table and heads over to the soda vending machine. He puts in his coins and hits a button. Nothing. He hits another one. Still nothing. He hits the machine in the front and on the side. Larry comes up to him and puts his hand on Xander's shoulder.

Harris!

Xander

Hey, Lar. You're lookin' Cro-Mag as usual. What can I do you for?

You and Buffy, you're just friends, right?

Xander

I like to think of it less as a friendship and more as a solid foundation for future bliss.

So, she, she's not your girlfriend?

Xander

Alas, no. Larry looks over at Buffy as he walks around Xander.

Do you think she'd go out with me? He turns to face Xander with Buffy to his back now.

Xander

Well, Lar, that's a tough question to... No. Not a chance.

Why not? I heard some guys say she was fast.

Xander

I hope you mean like the wind.

Yeah, you know what I mean.

Xander

That's my friend that you're talkin' about!

Oh, yeah? Well, what're you gonna do about it?

Xander

I'm gonna do what any man would do about it: (grabs Larry by the shirt) somethin' damn manly. Larry smiles and laughs. He knocks Xander's hands away and grabs him by the shirt with his right hand. He balls his left hand into a fist and draws back for a punch. Buffy grabs his wrist, pulls it behind his back and slams his head into the vending machine. A Diet Dr Pepper rolls into the slot.

Buffy

Get gone. She pulls Larry back from the machine and shoves him away. She notices the soda can.

Xander

No, but Larry was about to pummel me!

Buffy

Oh, that? Forget about it! (heads back to the table) Xander: Oh, I'll forget about it. (follows her) In maybe fifteen, twenty years when my rep for being a sissy man finally fades!

Xander

(interrupts) A black eye heals, Buffy, but cowardice has an unlimited shelf life. Oh, thanks! Thanks a lot for *your* help. He grabs his bag from the table and walks off in a huff. Buffy moans and sits back down with Willow.

Buffy

I think I just violated the guy code big time.

Willow

Poor Xander. Boys are so fragile. Speaking of, how was your date last night?

Buffy

Misfire. I was late due to unscheduled slayage. Showed up looking trashed.

Willow

Was he mad?

Buffy

Actually he was pretty unmad. Which probably had something to do with the fact that Cordelia was drooling in his cappuccino.

Willow

Oh, Buffy. Angel would never fall for her act.

Buffy

You mean that 'actually showing up, wearing a stunning outfit, embracing personal hygiene' act?

Willow

You know what I mean. Uh, she's not his type.

Buffy

Are you sure? I mean, I don't know what his type is. I've known him less than a year, and if you haven't noticed, he's not exactly one to over share.

Willow

True. It's too bad we can't sneak a look at the Watcher diaries and read up on Angel. I'm sure it's full of fun facts to know and tell.

Buffy

Yeah. It's too bad. That stuff is private.

Willow

Also Giles keeps them in his office. In his personal files.

Buffy

Most importantly, it would be wrong. Cut to the library. Willow and Buffy look in through the round door window. They don't see Giles and give each other a look. Buffy quietly opens the door and goes in. She looks back at Willow, who gives her encouragement. The door closes and Willow looks in through the glass. Buffy quietly makes her way up to the counter and looks around again for Giles. Satisfied that he's not there she heads for his office.

Giles

Buffy! She spins around and sees him in the cage getting some old books.

Buffy

Nothing! Hi!

Giles

Yes, I-I just wanted to talk to you about tomorrow night. As it should be, uh, calm, you might work on some new battle techniques.

Buffy

You're beginning to scare me, Giles. You need to have some fun. She waves to Willow to come in as he's looking down at his books. Willow shakes her head and mouths 'no'. Giles looks up, and Buffy pulls her hand back and pretends she was scratching her head.

Giles

Yes, yes, ha, ha, very droll. Willow quietly comes in.

Buffy

Such as?

Giles

Well, um... Buffy mouths something to Willow to goad her on.

Buffy

Do you stuff your own shirts, or do you send them out? She grabs a book from the stack he's about to take to his office and walks around him to draw his view away from his office door.

Giles

I really don't have time for these games.

Buffy

Ms. Calendar said you were a babe. Willow looks back again, but this time gives Buffy a look and shakes her head.

Giles

She said what?

Buffy

(meekly) Well, she said that you were a... h-hunk of burning... something or other. So, (exhales) whadaya think of that?

Giles

Uh, I... (exhales) I don't, um, uh... A burning hunk of what?

Buffy

Look. You know how disgusting it is for me to even contemplate you grownups having smoochies, (sees Willow come out of the office with a diary) but I think you should go for it.

Giles

Buffy, I appreciate your interest, but... Willow hurries past the counter.

Buffy

But I've overstepped my bounds. It's none of my business, you know. (stammers) What was I thinking? My God! Shame, (Willow goes out the door) shame. I gotta go. (quickly walks out) Giles: (not sure what to make of it) A babe? (smirks) I can live with that. Cut to the girls' bathroom. Buffy and Willow are sitting on the sinks and looking at a drawing of a noble woman with a tiny waist wearing a billowy gown.

Willow

Who is she?

Buffy

It doesn't say, but the entry's dated 1775.

Willow

Angel was eighteen. And still human.

Buffy

So that's the kinda girl he hung around? She's pretty coiffed.

Willow

She looks like a noble woman or something. Which means being beautiful is sort of her job.

Buffy

And clearly this girl was a workaholic. I'll never be like this.

Willow

C'mon! She's not that pretty. I mean, look at her. She's got a funny... uh, waist. Look how tiny that is.

Buffy

(sarcastically) Thank you. Now I feel better.

Willow

(exhales) No. She's like a freak. A circus freak. Yuk.

Buffy

(exhales) Musta been wonderful. Put on some fantabulous gown and go to a ball like a princess, and have horses and servants, and yet more gowns.

Willow

Yeah. Still, I think I prefer being able to vote. (Buffy raises her brows) (smiles) Or I will when I can. Cordelia comes into the bathroom and goes to the mirror.

Cordelia

So, Buffy. You ran off last night and left poor little Angel all by his lonesome. But I did everything I could to comfort him.

Buffy

I'll bet.

Cordelia

(gets out her blush) So, what's his story anyway? I mean, I never see him around. (brushes some onto her cheeks) Willow: Not during the day, anyway.

Buffy

Angel's a vampire. I thought you knew.

Cordelia

(turns back to the mirror) Oh, he's a vampire. (puts away the lip gloss) Of course! But the cuddly kind. Like a Carebear with fangs?

Willow

It's true.

Cordelia

(steps over to them) You know what I think? (crosses her arms) I just think you're trying to scare me off 'cause you're afraid of the competition. Look, Buffy, you may be hot stuff when it comes to demonology or whatever, but when it comes to dating, I'm the Slayer. She walks out. Buffy just watches her go. Cut to Ethan's Costume Shop. The store is full of mothers with their kids looking for Halloween costumes. Buffy is handling a plastic pumpkin when it suddenly lights up and screams. She quickly puts it back on the counter. Willow comes over to her.

Buffy

What'd you get?

Willow

A time-honored classic! (holds up a ghost costume) Buffy: Okay, Will, can I give you a little friendly advice?

Buffy

It's just... you're never gonna get noticed if you keep hiding. You're missing the whole point of Halloween.

Willow

(smiles) Free candy?

Buffy

It's come as you aren't night. The perfect chance for a girl to get sexy and wild with no repercussions.

Willow

Oh, I don't get wild. Wild on me equals spaz.

Buffy

Don't underestimate yourself. You've got it in you.

Willow

Hey, Xander! He comes up to them.

Buffy

That's not a costume.

Xander

(gives Buffy a look, then turns to Willow) I got fatigues from an Army surplus at home. Call me the Two-Dollar Costume King, baby! He smiles at Willow. She smiles back.

Buffy

Hey, look, Xander... (he points the rifle at her) I'm... really sorry about this morning.

Xander

Do you mind, Buffy? I'm trying to repress.

Buffy

Okay, then I promise, from now on I'll let you get pummeled. (puts her chin on his shoulder and pouts) Xander: (rolls his eyes) Thank you. (Buffy smiles) Okay, y'know, actually I think I could've t... Buffy is distracted by a costume. She slowly starts walking over to it.

Xander

Hello! That was our touching reconciliation moment there. She keeps walking over to a frilly, red, billowy 18th-century gown.

Buffy

I'm sorry, it's just... Look at this.

Willow

It's amazing.

Xander

Too bulky. I prefer my women in spandex. Ethan notices her looking at the dress and comes over to them.

Please, let me. He takes the dress off of its dressmaker's mannequin.

Buffy

Oh, i-it's...

Magnificent. Yes, I know. There. (holds it up to her in a mirror) My. Meet the hidden princess. I think we found a match. Don't you?

Buffy

(looks at Ethan) Oh, uh, I-I'm sorry. There's no way I could ever afford this.

Oh, nonsense. I feel quite moved to make you a deal you can't refuse. She looks back into the mirror, takes the dress from Ethan and smiles dreamily as she holds it up to her chin. Cut to Spike's warehouse. He's watching the video that the vampire took of Buffy's fight.

Spike

Here it comes. (watches) Rewind that. Let's see that again. The vampire rewinds the tape as Spikes strolls around to another monitor.

(comes from the other room) Miss Edith needs her tea.

Spike

C'mere, poodle. (holds his hand out to her) Drusilla: (takes his hand) Do you love my insides? The parts you can't see?

Don't worry. Everything's switching. Outside to inside. (breathes at Spike's neck) It makes her weak.

Spike

Really? Did my pet have a vision?

Do you know what I miss? Leeches.

Spike

Come on, talk to Daddy. This thing that makes the Slayer weak? When is it?

Tomorrow.

Spike

Tomorrow's Halloween. Nothing happens on Halloween.

Someone's come to change it all. Someone new. Cut to the back room at Ethan's. He comes through the curtain and kneels before his statue of Janus. He presses his hands together and winces in pain. When he pulls them apart there are wounds in his palms, and blood flows freely from them.

The world that denies thee, thou inhabit. He dabs the blood from his left hand with his right middle finger and smears it over his right eyelid.

Willow

Where're you meeting Angel?

Buffy

Here. After trick-or-treating. Mom's gonna be out.

Willow

Does he know about your costume?

Buffy

Nope. Call it a blast from his past. I'll show him I can coif with the best of 'em. (turns to the bathroom door) Okay, Willow, come out. You can't hide in there all night.

Willow

O-okay, but, but promise you won't laugh?

Buffy

I promise. Willow opens the door and comes out wearing boots, a short, black leather skirt and a burgundy, long-sleeved, V-necked, midriff-baring top. She's uncomfortable, and quickly steps over to her ghost sheet and picks it up.

Willow

But this just isn't me.

Buffy

And that's the point. (walks around Willow to show her the mirror) Look, Halloween is the night that not you *is* you, but not *you*. Y'know? The doorbell rings.

Willow

(nervous) Yeah. O-o-okay.

Buffy

Cool! I can't wait for the boys to go non-verbal when they see you! (goes to get the door) Willow is still trying to cover herself. Cut downstairs. Buffy comes down the stairs and opens the door for Xander. He enters saluting with his toy rifle in his hand.

Xander

Private Harris reporting for... (sees Buffy in her costume) Buffy! Lady of Buffdom, Duchess of Buffonia, I am in awe! I completely renounce spandex!

Buffy

(curtsies) Thank you, kind sir. (Xander bows) But wait till you see... They turn to look up the stairs at Willow. She has put on the ghost sheet. It says 'BOO!' on the front in large bold letters.

Willow

Hi.

Buffy

...Casper.

Xander

Hey, Will! That's aaa fine boo you got there. Buffy is disappointed. Xander just stares. Cut to the school. Children are arriving in costume to be taken trick- or-treating. Cut inside to the hall by the stairs. Buffy is standing there holding a clipboard, waiting for her charges. Snyder brings them to her.

This is your group, Summers. No need to speak to them. The last thing they need is your influence. Just bring them back in one piece and I won't expel you. (starts to leave) Buffy: (bends down to the kids) Hi.

Where's your bodyguard, Harris? Curling her hair? He jumps at Xander, making him flinch. He laughs in Xander's face and goes. Xander points his rifle at him, but then dismisses him. Cut to Oz checking his guitar at his locker. Cordelia comes into the hall wearing a tight-fitting catsuit and walks up to him.

Cordelia

Oz. Oz.

Oz

(looks up at her) Hey, Cordelia. Jeez, you're like a great big cat.

Cordelia

It's my costume. Are you guys playing tonight?

Oz

Yeah, at the Shelter Club.

Cordelia

Is Mr. I'm-the-lead-singer-I'm-so-great-I-don't-have-to-show- up-for-my-date-or-even-call gonna be there?

Oz

Yeah, y'know, he's just going by 'Devon' now.

Cordelia

Well, you can tell him that I don't care, and that I didn't even mention it. And that I didn't even see you. So that's just fine.

Oz

So, what do I tell him?

Cordelia

Nothing! Jeez! Get with the program. (walks off in a huff) Oz: (sarcastically) Why can't I meet a nice girl like that? Willow comes down the hall in her ghost sheet. Oz turns around and bumps right into her.

Oz

Oh! I'm sorry.

Willow

Sorry.

Oz

I'm sorry.

Willow

Sorry.

Oz

Sorry. Oz and Willow continue down the hall on their separate ways. Cut to Xander briefing his group. He's got them all lined up and standing at attention.

Xander

Okay, on sleazing extra candy: tears are key. Tears will normally get you the double-bagger. You can also try the old 'you missed me' routine, but it's risky. Only go there for chocolate. Understood? They all nod their heads.

Buffy

What did Mrs. Davis give you? They all pull out toothbrushes.

Janus, evoco vestram animam. Exaudi meam causam. Carpe noctem pro consilio vestro. Veni, appare et nobis monstra quod est infinita potestas.

Janus, I invoke your spirit. Hear my plea. Seize the night for your own reason. Come, appear and show to us that which is infinite power. Cut to a house. Willow follows her charges along the porch to the door.

Willow

C'mon, guys. One of the kids wearing a green monster mask on his head rings the bell and steps back. An old lady answers the door. The kid with the mask pulls it down over his face.

Trick-or-treat!

Oh, my goodness, aren't you adorable! Cut to Ethan's.

Persona se corpum et sanguium commutandum est. Vestra sancta praesentia concrescet viscera. Janus! Sume noctem!

The mask transforms itself into flesh and blood. Your holy presence curdles the heart. Janus! Take the night! Cut to Buffy. A wind begins to blow. She senses something isn't quite right. Cut to the Lady with Willow's kids. She looks into her empty candy bucket.

Oh, dear! Am I all out? Cut to Ethan's. He raises his head.

Showtime! Cut to the Lady's house.

I could've sworn I had more candy. The kid wearing a red rubber cap with horns morphs into a horned, red skinned monster.

Willow

No! Let her go! The red monster attacks the green one, and he lets go of the lady. The two monsters are at each other's throats.

Xander

I don't know any Willow.

Willow

Xander, quite messing around. This is no time for jokes.

Xander

What the hell's going on here?

Willow

You don't know me?

Xander

(lifts the rifle away from her) Lady, I suggest you find cover. (starts walking past her) Willow: (gets in front of him) No, wait! Xander walks right through her. They're both surprised by the experience.

Willow

Oh! Xander turns around and points his weapon at her again. She turns to face him.

Xander

What are you?

Willow

Xander, listen to me. I'm on your side, I swear! Something crazy is happening. I was dressed as a ghost for Halloween, a-and now I am a ghost. And you were supposed to be a soldier, and now I, I-I guess you're a real soldier.

Xander

You expect me to believe that? A monster appears across the street, growling. Xander points his rifle at it. It runs away. Willow jumps in front of him.

Willow

No! No guns! That's still a little kid in there!

Xander

Step out of the way!

Willow

No guns! That's an order! He lowers the rifle.

Xander

This could be a situation.

Willow

Buffy, what do we do? Buffy faints and falls to the ground. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The street. Xander fires off a couple dozen rounds at the approaching monsters. They turn and run. Xander lowers his rifle. The camera pans down from him to Willow kneeling beside Buffy, who's lying against a tree.

Buffy

What?

Xander

Are you hurt?

Willow

Buffy, are you hurt?

Buffy

(sits up) Buffy?

Willow

(to Xander) She's not Buffy.

Xander

Who's Buffy?

Willow

Oh, this is fun. (to Buffy) What year is this? Xander takes Buffy's hand and helps her up.

Buffy

1775, I believe. (confused and hyperventilating) I-I don't understand. Who are you?

Willow

We're friends.

Buffy

F-friends of whom? Y-your dress... Everything is strange! How did I come to be here?

Willow

Breathe, okay, breathe. You're gonna faint again. (to Xander) How are we supposed to get through this without the Slayer?

Xander

What's a Slayer? A monster comes around the tree behind Buffy and roars, fangs bared and claws raised to attack. Buffy screams and backs off. Xander jumps in and whacks the monster across the face with the butt of his rifle, knocking it down and out.

Buffy

(screaming) A DEMON! A DEMON! (gets behind Xander) A DEMON! A sport utility vehicle comes driving down the street with its headlights on.

Willow

That's not a demon. It's a car.

Buffy

What does it want?

Xander

Is this woman insane?

Willow

She's never seen a car.

Xander

She's never seen a car?

Willow

She's from the past.

Xander

And you're a ghost.

Willow

Yes! Now let's get inside.

Xander

I just want you to know that I'm taking a lot on faith here. Where do we go?

Willow

(thinks) Where's the closest... We can go to a friend's. Cut to the Summers house. Cut to the kitchen. Xander opens the door and scans the room.

Xander

All clear!

Willow

(walks in) Hello? Mrs. Summers? (no response) Good, she's gone. Xander closes the door.

Buffy

Where are we?

Willow

Your place. Now we just need to... There's a banging at the front door. Xander goes to investigate, and Willow and Buffy follow.

Xander

Could be a civilian.

Willow

Or a mini demon. Buffy notices a picture on a table and goes over to look. She picks it up, and sees it's of her wearing a spaghetti strap top. She turns around as Willow comes over to her.

Buffy

This... this could be me.

Willow

It *is* you. Buffy, can't you remember at all?

Buffy

No! I, I don't understand any of this! Uh, uh, th... This is some other girl! (puts the picture back) I would never wear this, that low apparel, and I don't like this place, and I don't like you, and I just wanna go home!

Willow

You *are* home! Buffy is practically in tears. Willow turns back to Xander.

Xander

Affirmative! (takes aims through the broken portal) Willow: Hey! What did we say?! Xander lets loose a volley of bullets. Willow winces at the noise. Buffy bows her head and covers her ears. Xander rolls away from the door when he's finished his burst.

Willow

Got it. They hear a woman screaming outside. Xander looks out again.

Xander

Damn it! He opens the door and goes out to rescue whomever it is, pulling the door closed behind him. Buffy runs up to Willow.

Buffy

Surely he'll not desert us!

Willow

(shakes her head) Whatever. She rolls her eyes and heads into the living room. Buffy is wide-eyed with fear. Cut outside. Cordelia screams as she runs from a sasquatch.

Cordelia

Somebody help me! She looks back at the monster chasing her and screams. When she turns back around again she runs into Xander.

Xander

Come inside! He takes her by her elbow and leads her to the house. Cut inside. Willow watches through the window. Xander and Cordelia quickly come in through the door.

Willow

Cordelia!

Cordelia

Wait a... What's going on?

Willow

Okay, your name is Cordelia, you're not a cat, you're in high school, and we're your friends. Well, sort of.

Cordelia

That's nice, Willow. And you went mental when?

Willow

You know us?

Cordelia

Yeah. Lucky me. What's with the name game?

Willow

A lot's going on.

Cordelia

No kidding. I was just attacked by Jo-Jo, the Dog-Faced Boy. Look at my costume! (shows the torn sleeve) Do you really think that Partytown's gonna give me my deposit back? Not on the likely. Xander has taken his shirt off and puts it around her shoulders.

Xander

Here.

Cordelia

Thanks.

Willow

Okay. You guys stay here while I get some help. If something tries to get in, just fight it off.

Buffy

Well, i-it's not our place to fight. Uh, surely some men will protect us.

Cordelia

What's that riff?

Willow

I-it's like amnesia, okay? They don't know who they are. Just sit tight. (starts to go) Cordelia: Who died and made her the boss? Willow walks through the wall behind Cordelia. Buffy stares in wide-eyed amazement. Cut outside. Several monsters are chasing people down the street past Spike.

Spike

Well! This is just... neat! Cut inside. Xander brings a chair over from the dining room.

Xander

(to Cordelia) You! Check upstairs. Make sure everything's locked up. He positions the chair to help hold the table they've upended against the window in place. Cordelia heads upstairs.

Buffy

Surely there's somewhere we can go. A safe haven.

Xander

Lady said stay put.

Buffy

You would take orders from a woman? A-are you feeble in some way?

Xander

Ma'am, in the Army we have a saying: sit down and shut the... He sees a picture on the floor Xander: Whoa! He picks it up. It's of the three of them.

Buffy

I don't know what that is, but I'm certain I don't have it. I bathe quite often!

Xander

How do you explain this?

Buffy

I don't! I was brought up a proper lady. I-I wasn't meant to understand things. I'm just meant to look pretty, and then someone nice will marry me. Possibly a Baron.

Xander

This ain't no tea party, princess. Sooner or later you're gonna have to fight!

Buffy

Fight these low creatures? (snotty) I'd sooner die. (crosses her arms) Xander: Then you'll die. Angel comes in from the kitchen.

Angel

Oh, good! You guys are alright. It's total chaos out there. They both look at him.

Buffy and Xander

Who are you? Cut to the library. Giles is going through a stack of cards he's pulled from the card catalog. He hears yelling and sirens outside and looks up, wondering what's going on. He sees Willow come though the wall and jumps in complete surprise, letting the cards fly all over the place.

Giles

Jeez!

Willow

Hi.

Giles

(calms down a bit) Uh... ah... (speechless) huh... Cut to Buffy's house.

Angel

Okay, somebody wanna fill me in?

Xander

Do you live here?

Angel

No, and you know that. Buffy, (she jumps) I'm lost here. You... What's up with your hair?

Cordelia

(comes back in) They don't know who they are, everyone's turned into a monster, it's a whole big thing. (smiles) How are you? The lights go out. Buffy grabs Cordelia in fright.

Xander

(to Angel) You take the princess and secure the kitchen. Catwoman, you're with me. Cordelia follows Xander as Angel heads for the kitchen.

Buffy

But I don't wanna go with you! I-I like the man with the musket!

Angel

(takes her arm) C'mon.

Buffy

Do you have a musket? They go into the kitchen. Angel sees that the door is open.

Angel

I didn't leave that open. He quietly moves toward the door as he looks around for an intruder. He closes the door. The basement door behind Buffy opens, and a vampire attacks her. She tries to push the door closed on him. Angel grabs the vampire and wrestles him to the floor. It's the student escort in a vampire costume.

Buffy

A what?

Angel

Get me a stake! Buffy looks around and grabs a knife she sees on the counter.

Willow

I don't even know what I'm looking for. Plus I can't turn the page.

Giles

Well, alright, l-let's, let's, let's review. (sets the papers on the table) Um, so everybody became, uh, whatever they were masquerading as.

Willow

Right. Xander was a soldier and Buffy was an 18th-century girl.

Giles

(confused) A-and, uh, your, your costume?

Willow

I'm a ghost!

Giles

Yes. Um... w, uh, uh, uh, the ghost of what, exactly?

Willow

(covers her midriff with her arms) Well, this is nothing. You should see what Cordelia was wearing. A-a, a unitard with cat things, like ears and stuff.

Giles

Good heavens. Uh, sh-sh-she became an actual feline?

Willow

No! She was the same old Cordelia. Just in a cat costume.

Giles

She didn't change.

Willow

No. Hold on... Partytown. She told us she got her outfit from Partytown.

Giles

A-a-and everyone who changed, they, they, they, they acquired their costumes where?

Willow

We all got ours at a new place. Ethan's. Cut to an alley. Buffy runs between all the trash that's piled up there. Cut to the street. Cordelia, Angel and Xander are looking for Buffy. Xander has his rifle raised and ready. The camera follows them as they walk.

Xander

Are you sure she came this way?

Angel

No.

Cordelia

She'll be okay.

Angel

*Buffy* would be okay. Whoever she is now, she's helpless. C'mon! The camera moves behind a tree where Spike is hiding and overhearing their conversation. He turns to the child monsters Willow was chaperoning.

Spike

Do you hear that, my friends? The monsters nod and growl.

Pretty, pretty! Buffy tries to run away, and Larry gives chase. Cut to Ethan's Costume Shop. Giles looks around as he and Willow come in.

Giles

Hello! Anyone home? Willow sees the curtain to the back room partially open.

Willow

Giles... They slowly go in and see the statue of Janus there. Its eyes glow green.

Giles

Janus. Roman mythical god.

Willow

What does this mean?

Giles

Primarily the division of self. Male and female, light and dark.

(appears) Chunky and creamy. Oh, no, sorry, that's peanut butter. Giles stares at Ethan as though he's seen a ghost.

Giles

Willow, get out of here, now.

Willow

But...

Giles

Now! She obeys him and goes.

Hello, Ripper. Cut to the alley. Buffy backs away from Larry. She turns to run, but trips and falls. Her gown billows out around her. Larry grabs her as she tries to get up and shoves her against a crate. He pushes her hair away from her frightened face and moves in to kiss her. Xander comes running and tackles Larry down to the pavement. He gets up and pulls Larry up and into a metal warehouse door. He punches him in the face and gut. Larry pushes him off and into the opposite alley wall and punches him back in the gut. Xander grabs Larry's arm and pulls it behind his back, forcing him to bend over, and knees him in the stomach. Cordelia arrives behind Buffy with Angel.

Cordelia

Buffy! Are you okay? Buffy sees Angel, yelps and cowers behind a box.

Buffy

He's, he's a vampire!

Cordelia

(to Angel) She's got this thing where she thinks... (exasperated) Uhhh, forget it. (to Buffy) It's okay. Angel is a good vampire. He would never hurt you.

Buffy

(slowly stands up) Really?

Cordelia

Absolutely. He's our friend. Angel heads over to Xander fighting Larry. Xander punches Larry, sending him into the pile of trash and a stack of boxes again. Several boxes fall off of the top and onto Larry. He is knocked out cold.

Xander

(to Angel) It's strange, but beating up that pirate gave me a weird sense of closure. Willow comes running down the alley from the other end.

Willow

Guys!

Angel

Willow!

Willow

Guys, you gotta get inside. She looks back and they see Spike and his monster gang coming.

Xander

We need a triage!

Angel

(points the other way) This way! Find an open warehouse. Xander turns and picks up his rifle.

Xander

Ladies, we're on the move! He quickly heads down the alley. Cordelia and Willow follow him. Angel lifts Buffy and carries her away. Spike and the monsters walk after them at a quick, deliberate pace. Cut to Ethan's.

What? No hug? Aren't you pleased to see your old mate, Rupert?

Giles

I'm just surprised I didn't guess it was you. This Halloween stunt stinks of Ethan Rayne.

Yes, it does, doesn't it? Don't wish to blow my own trumpet, but it's genius. The very embodiment of 'be careful what you wish for'.

Giles

It's sick, brutal, and it harms the innocent.

Oh, and we all know that you are the champion of innocents and all things pure and good, Rupert. It's quite a little act you've got going here, old man.

Giles

It's no act. It's who I am.

Who you are? The Watcher, sniveling, tweed-clad guardian of the Slayer and her kin? I think not. I know who you are, Rupert, and I know what you're capable of. (considers) But they don't, do they? They have no idea where you come from.

Giles

Break the spell, Ethan. Then leave this place and never come back.

Why should I? What's in the bargain for me?

Giles

You get to live.

Oh, Rupert, you're scaring me. Giles punches him in the gut with a left, making him double over, and follows up with a right to the face. Cut to the alley. Angel has gotten ahead of the others and finds an open warehouse.

Angel

Over here! Xander pushes the door aside, and they all hurry in.

Xander

Check if there are any other ways in! He slides the door closed again as Angel sets Buffy back down on her feet next to Cordelia.

Angel

Just stay here. The monsters arrive and start pounding on the door from outside. Xander picks up a large grate and sets it in front of the door on top of some barrels he's already moved into place. Buffy is holding on tightly to Cordelia.

Cordelia

Oh, faboo, more clinging. Xander picks up another grate and sets it behind the first one as the monsters get the door open. They pound against it as he tries to hold it in place.

Xander

GOOOOO! They all start running again, and Xander follows when he can no longer hold the grating against the monsters. The grates fall to the floor as two monsters come in and push the barrels aside. Spike follows them in and looks around. He leads the monsters off after them. Cut to Ethan's. Ethan is on the floor, severely beaten up.

And you said the Ripper was long gone.

Giles

Tell me how to stop the spell.

Say 'pretty please'. Giles kicks him hard in the kidney, and he yells out in pain. Cut to the warehouse. Spike has caught up with them, and the monsters hold Xander and Angel. He slowly closes in on Buffy as she backs away, trembling.

Spike

Look at you. Shaking. Terrified. Alone. Lost little lamb. Buffy has backed up against a crate and can't go any further. Spike slaps her across the face with the back of his hand.

Angel

Buffy! Spike puts his left hand around her throat and bends her backward onto the crate. He strokes her forehead with his right hand. Xander struggles with his two captors. Spike grabs Buffy's hair and closes in for the bite. Cut to Ethan's. Giles kicks him again.

Giles

Now, tell me how to stop the spell.

Janus. Break its statue. Giles grabs the statue and lifts it over his head to smash it. Cut to the warehouse. Xander gets free of the monsters and punches one in the face, the other in the gut, and then shoves the second monster into the first. Spike closes in on Buffy. Xander turns his attention to Spike.

Willow

Now that guy you *can* shoot. Xander grabs his M-16. Cut to Ethan's. Giles throws the statue hard to the floor, smashing it into tiny pieces. Cut to the warehouse. Xander shoulders his toy rifle.

Xander

What the... The monsters have all turned back into children and student escorts. The kids are frightened, and begin to cry and complain.

I'm scared! I want my mommy! Spike looks back at them and straightens up. He pulls on Buffy's hair to pull her up and finds he just has a wig in his hands. He looks at Buffy. She gets up off of the crate and smiles at him.

Buffy

Hi, honey. I'm home. She punches him in the gut, twice in the face, and kicks him in the chest, making him stagger back into a set of mobile stairs. He grabs a length of pipe that's leaning there and swings it at her. She catches the end of it and pulls him around and into the crate he had her against. She uses the pipe like a quarterstaff and swings it into his jaw and jabs him in the stomach. He doubles over in pain.

Xander

Hey, Buff. Welcome back.

Buffy

Yeah! You, too.

Cordelia

You guys remember what happened?

Xander

It was way creepy. It's like I was there, but I couldn't get out.

Cordelia

Yeah, I know the feeling. This outfit's totally skintight. She looks up at Angel as he comes over to Buffy.

Angel

You okay?

Buffy

Yeah. He puts his arm around her shoulders and leads her away.

Cordelia

Hello?! It felt like I was talking, my lips were moving and...

Xander

(shakes his head). Give it up, Cordy. You're never gonna get between those two. Believe me, I know.

Cordelia

Well, (indicates the kids) I guess you better get them back to their parents.

Xander

(looks around) Yeah, everybody seems to... Where's Willow? Cut to the house where Willow collapsed. The camera pans from the pumpkin over to her. She wakes and gets up, pulling the ghost sheet off. She's a bit out of breath. She realizes how she's dressed and starts to put the sheet back on, but thinks better of it and throws it into a trashcan as she walks off the porch. Cut to the street. Oz is driving along in his van. He pulls to a stop at an intersection and sees Willow cross the street in front of him. He watches her as she continues away. "How She Died", by Treble Charger, plays on the van's stereo.

You got the best of me / And, gee, you took so long / The things you put me through / Seemed to be so wrong Oz: Who is that girl?

Buffy

Tada. Just little old 20th-century me.

Angel

Sure you're okay?

Buffy

I'll live. She walks over to him, and he sits up on the bed.

Angel

I don't get it, Buffy. Why'd you think I'd like you better dressed that way?

Buffy

(sits next to him) I just wanted to be a real girl for once. The kind of fancy girl you liked when you were my age.

Angel

(ironically) Oh, ho.

Buffy

What?

Angel

I hated the girls back then. Especially the noble women.

Buffy

(nods) You did.

Angel

They were just incredibly dull. Simpering morons, the lot of them. I always wished I could meet someone... exciting. (looks her in the eyes) Interesting.

Buffy

Really? Interesting how?

Angel

You know how.

Buffy

Still, I had a really hard day. You should probably tell me.

Angel

(smiles and draws nearer) You're right. I should.

Buffy

(gets closer) Definitely. They kiss gently yet passionately. She cradles his face in her hands. Cut to Ethan's. The place has been emptied. Giles comes in the front door. He walks over to the main counter and looks around. He sees a note propped up on another counter and goes over to it. He picks it up and reads it.

Be seeing you...