Living Conditions

Buffy

Wow, this music is so... so...

I know. This song is super fun. Isn't it?

Buffy

You bet. It just gets fun-er and fun-er every time you playit.

Going out?

Buffy

Yeah. I'm seriously caffeine deprived. Figure I'd head down to The Grotto and get a jolt and, you know, do some studying.

Oh. It's late... won't you be up all night?

Buffy

(Picking up her backpack.) Oh, yeah, but it's cool. I'm sort of an 'up' kind of night person. I mentioned that right?

I guess I just didn't realize you'd be coming and going at all hours. Well, not that I mind. I'm just surprised.

Buffy

I'll be quiet as a mouse, I promise. Ok. (She starts toward the door.)

Oh! Say, Buffy. I wanted to show you this little system I implemented. (She goes over to the nightstand separating the beds and gets a small notepad and a pen, bringing them back.)

Buffy

Oh, goody... system.

Just log every call you make in here and that way when the bill comes it won't be a problem. I figure, 'Stitch in time...'

Buffy

'...catches the worm.'

Buffy

You bet. Ok, then. (Turns and starts to go.)

Also... (Buffy stops and turns back.) I noticed that some of my milk was missing. Did you...

Buffy

Oh! Yeah, actually, I did. I meant to...

No! It's totally ok, I was just wondering.

Buffy

Yeah, I-I-I was making my coffee and I just...

Buffy, it's fine. I just wanted to make sure...

...that we didn't have a thief or something.

Buffy

Like who? Sid the Wiley Dairy Gnome?

I don't know, it's no big deal. Please, feel free.

Buffy

Ok, I'm really sorry. I have to... (She starts to go, again.)

Have a good time.

Buffy

Yeah, you too. With ironing. (She leaves.)

Willow

So you had trouble getting past Kathy?

Buffy

Yep. She made big with the questions.

Willow

And you thought your days of sneaking out of your room were over.

Buffy

No such luck. Kathy's nice and all, but she's... she's sort of... I don't know, like, 'mini-mom of Momdonia.' (Willow chuckles) Wait. (Buffy stops, looking around.) Did you just hear something?

Willow

I'm chewing my gum kinda loud.

Buffy

That's not it.

Willow

My sneakers are squeaky.

Buffy

I'm looking for something lurky here, Will.

Willow

Oh. (Pauses to listen) Sorry, no.

Buffy

Darn, I could use a little play tonight. Listening to the best of VH-1 all day sort of put me on edge.

Willow

Oh, Kathy's still spinnin' the divas?

Buffy

(In a perky-Kathy voice.) "'Cause it's the fun-est!" Well, no big. College is a time of change, right? I bet, before too long, she'll be trip-hoppin' all over the place.

Willow

Yeah! I mean, this whole dorm thing is just an adjustment we need to make. You know? I mean, my roomie is kind of challengingtoo.

Buffy

And what are we if not women up to a challenge?

Willow

Exactly! I mean, did we not put the 'grr' in girl? Well, here's where I get off. (They stop at a branching path.)

Buffy

Say 'hey' to Oz for me.

Willow

Happy hunting.

Buffy

Wish me monsters.

Buffy

Will? (Pause.) Alright, why don't you quit hiding and come out and face me like a... thing.

Hey, I caught you.

Buffy

Is everything ok?

Oh, everything's super. I just decided a decaf latte sounded like heaven after all.

Buffy

So you're coming along.

Why not? This way you won't have to walk these spooky paths alone. (She goes on ahead with a skip.)

Buffy

Great! (In a low voice) That's just great. (And she follows.)

This is neat, isn't it? The fresh air, the trees, the smell of... (Buffy hears the growl of something rushing them and pushes Kathy into the bushes where she lands in the dirt.)

What the blizzard was that all about?

Buffy

Uh, he um... tried to take my backpack.

What were you thinking, taking him on like that?

Buffy

Oh I, heh, I don't know, I guess I-I panicked.

I mean, it's just you could of gotten hurt or something. (She looks down.) And look at my sweater, it's ruined!

Buffy

Yeah, sorry about that. Here, w-we'll go get you cleaned up.

She may be the one.

We have to be sure. Follow her.

As you wish.

Buffy

Boring... boring... bill... bill...

Giles

Hello. (Pant)

Buffy

You run?

Giles

And jump. And bend. (Pant) And, occasionally, frolic.(Pant)

Buffy

Ok, and, uh, (She holds up a magazine.) what's with the motorbike and scooter magazine?

Giles

Congratulations, you've found me out. I'm a mod jogger.

Buffy

Ok, you're not having one of those mid-life things, are you? 'Cause I'm still going 'ick' from the last time you tried to recapture your youth.

Giles

Buffy!

Buffy

Sorry. (She sits down at a table.) Demon. Last night. Made with the pummeling, but he got away.

Giles

What sort of demon? (Giles crosses to the fountain and sits on it's outer ledge.)

Buffy

Umm, had a cloak on, and glowing green eyes, and skin had a, like, super-bad fake rub-on tan.

Giles

Translate?

Buffy

Orange-y?

Giles

Thank you. Anything else?

Buffy

My roommate Kathy was there, but she didn't see anything.

Giles

You took your roommate patrolling with you?

Buffy

Well I invited the whole dorm, but she was the only one that could make it. (The look on Giles' face tells Buffy that he didn't get the sarcasm.) I told her I was going for coffee and she decided to tag along.

Giles

Right. Well we should discourage her from that habit. From what you described I-I'm not familiar with the creature, but I-I'll look into it and give you a ring when I've found something. (He gets up and starts moving toward his apartment.)

Buffy

You know, it's nice out here.

Giles

(Turning back.) Yes, I take my tea out here sometimes. (He starts to go again.)

Buffy

What are you doing today?

Giles

(He turns back again.) Uh, it's a good day for me, actually. A friend of mine recently acquired a-uh an original Gutenberg demonography... and it suddenly occurred to me that you've never once asked me what my day's plans were, which leads me to inquire whether you're feeling entirely yourself.

Buffy

That's not true. I ask about you all the time. (He gives her a look.) Ok, well, maybe the words don't actually make it out of my mouth, but I think about it.

Giles

And it's appreciated. Which doesn't explain why you're hanging around here instead of rushing off as usual.

Buffy

It's no big. I just figured I'd hang here--you know—until my roommate goes to class.

Giles

Ah, I see. (He sits back down on the fountain.)

Buffy

I know, it's probably just me having a bitch attack. But it's not... me.

Giles

Buffy, living with somebody is never easy. Especially for an only child...

Buffy

Giles, listen to me, ok? When she sharpens her pencils she measures them with a ruler to make sure they're all the same size.

Giles

Which is fussy, I agree, but everybody has their idiosyncrasies. You'd do well to learn to tolerate them.

Buffy

Or I'll end up an old lady who can only live with cats?

Giles

Something like that. Buffy: Ok. You know what? You're right. (She stands up.) Take a mental pic, this is the new Buffy. Kinder, gentler... roommate extraordinaire.

Ex-boyfriend? Or loan shark?

Buffy

(Turns around to face him.) Excuse me?

The person you're hiding from.

Buffy

Oh... both. Ugly breakup. I'm sorry, I just cut you...

No, stay... stay. I'll watch your back. (They get to the self-serve area and start getting their food.) Freshman, huh?

Buffy

Is it that obvious?

There are signs. (He gets a single-serving box of cereal and stuffs it into the breast pocket of his shirt.) For instance, people who've been around for awhile know how to use their dining hall card.

Buffy

It's not for food?

Work it right and you can get three meals worth, which equals fewer punch cards used annually.

Buffy

And more cash from dad which you get to keep for yourself.

Right! The goal is to polish off as much as humanly possible at one sitting. Enough to get you through the rest of the day, if necessary. While chipmunking items for future consumption.

Buffy

Ahh, got it.

Excess dry goods fit nicely in a backpack or your pocket. (He takes something and puts it into his pants pocket.) The wetter items--macaronies, your turkey loaf--then you're into ziplocks. It's not for beginners.

Buffy

I'll just take it slow.

So.

Buffy

So, those are my... (He sees the gang at the table.) are you...

Oh, no, I have someone waiting. Otherwise I'd... heh, uh, Parker Abrams. (He offers his hand which Buffy shakes.) I'm at Kresge hall.

Buffy

Buffy Summers, Stevenson.

Ok, well, I'll see you around Buffy Summers of Stevenson.

Buffy

See ya, Parker Abrams.

Xander

Hey, say hi to non-college guy.

Buffy

Not that I mind, but don't non-college guys usually populate the non-campus?

Xander

Usually. I just thought I'd come around and check on my girls. (He taps Oz to include him without insult.)

Willow

And eat off my plate.

Buffy

What's the deal Xand, parents not feeding you?

Xander

Sure they do, for a price.

Willow

So, spill! (She indicates Parker, seated across the room.) What was that all about, with the cutie patootie?

Buffy

I don't know... nothing big, I think. Just random adorableness.

Xander

Oh, a technique I know well. Hit the girl with your best shot, then hasta.

Oz

Gotta respect the drive-by.

Xander

Low rejection, fond memories.

Willow

It looked like more than that to me. He got all googly-eyed.

Xander

That's because he got hit by the Buffinator. Now he's powerless.

Buffy

You think?

Oz

No question, he'll be back. (Buffy smiles.)

Xander

So, what else is up with the Buff, any vamp action?

Buffy

I did get jumped by a demon of non-specific origin last night.

Xander

Yeah? Something apocalypse-y? Do we need to assemble the scooby gang?

Buffy

(Holding back a laugh.) No, but thank you for asking.

Xander

I just got way too excited, didn't I?

Buffy

You just need to get out of the basement a little more there, Xand.

Hi, everybody. (She gets a chair from another table and moves it over.) Squeeze in.

Buffy

You all know my roomie, Kathy?

Willow

Hi.

Oz

Hey, Kath.

Buffy

Is that my sweater?

I didn't think you'd mind, I mean you got mine all muddy.

Buffy

I was saving you from a...

Willow

Bear!

Buffy

(Giving Willow a look.) Mugger.

It's not a problem, is it? I mean, I figured we're almost like sisters now, living together and everything.

Buffy

No, it's... it's fine. I just wished you'd asked.

Xander

So, where're you from, Kathy?

Nebraska, originally. (She picks up a big, sloppy hamburger from her tray.)

Xander

Ahh, yes. Big sky country.

Buffy

I mean, can you believe her? First she acts like she has sit privileges at my lunch table just because some computer had to make us cellmates. (She puts a stick of gum in her mouth.)

Willow

I'm sure it's not easy for her. She's not like you, she doesn't know anybody here.

Buffy

Fine. But what about my sweater. You can't believe the stuff that I have to put up with.

Willow

Yeah, I guess it's hard... uh... but I'm sure the sweater thing was an accident. (A nerf football hits her in the head.)

Buffy

I don't know Will... I think she's just coming back from the bathroom. I'll call you back.

(Coming into the room.) Don't forget to log those calls. (She sits on her bed and starts flossing her teeth.)

Ewww! Who left their gum here?

Buffy

(Pause.) Gum gnome?

It wasn't me! It had to be somebody, Buffy!

Buffy

(Swallows the gum she had been chewing.) I don't know.

Do you always make that noise when you sleep?

Buffy

So then after the scorpion, the demon opened my mouth and sucked some kind of weird light out of me. A-and the worst part? I wake up and there's Kathy, staring at me like I'm some kind of freak.

Oz

Well, actually, the worst part, I'd have to go with the demon poring the blood down your throat.

Willow

Me too, I would vote for that too.

Buffy

But that's just a dream, and this Kathy thing is real. All she cared about was that her precious sleep had been disturbed.

Giles

Perhaps it would be more productive to examine your dreams, um, determine there meaning.

You can read dreams? Neat.

Buffy

Giles, Kathy. Kathy, Giles.

Willow

He's our grown-up friend. N-not in a creepy way.

Giles

Nice to meet you, Kathy.

Ditto. Maybe you could read the dream I had last night? There was, like, this monster, and he sat on me and did all this stuff to me.

Oz

Stuff like, scorpions? And Bloody Mary minus the Mary?

That's it! How'd you know?

Oz

Well, I'm a good guesser.

Buffy

Me too, and I'm guessing that you need to be on your way to class. Right, Kath?

Hmm hmm, sounds like somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

Buffy

Hmm hmm, and guess what? You were next to it.

You know, I do need to dash. My whole schedule is off because someone kept me up all night. Well, it's been fun. Toodles. (She turns and leaves.)

Buffy

Toodles.

Giles

(Clears his throat.) You know what this means...

Buffy

Yes. Not only does she take my sweater, but now she has to horn in on my dreams. She is the most ever mooch... Oh, I haven't even gotten to the floss.

Giles

Buffy, focus, please? If Kathy and you are having the same nightmares, chances are something happened to you both when you met the demon in the woods.

Willow

So we need to figure out if this ritual their dreaming about has some special use, or meaning.

Buffy

(Getting up and gathering her things.) Cool, you guys can do the brain thing. I'm gonna go to class.

Oz

Which could also be construed as the brain thing.

Buffy

Not when you're minoring in 'Napping 101.' (She leaves.)

Willow

Ok, so that was the evil twin, right? 'Cause she was bordering on Cordelia-esque.

Oz

Well, she's definitely pushing the stress meter on this Kathy thing.

Giles

I concur she's not, uh, herself, but, you know, uh, learning to live with someone can be a challenge.

Willow

A-and she hasn't been sleeping.

Giles

Right, then. (He stands.) Nothing to get to concerned about. Still, let me know if she, um...

Oz

Hits the red zone?

Giles

Yes.

We were correct. She is the one.

Good. I have prepared for the summoning of the great one, Taparrich.

Lots of popular artists don't get their dues. Madonna? Whitney?

That's so totally true.

Buffy

Parker?

(Getting up and going over to her.) Hey, uh, I just dropped by to say... that. Uh, and bring you... (He hands her a box of plastic baggies.) You know, to maximize your dining hall exports. They're heavy duty.

Buffy

(Reading the box.) Plus freezer guard! That's so...

Parker was just going to leave his number and go, but (laughs) we started talking. He's such a blast, and time just flew.

Buffy

Time, really? How much time?

Uh, I'm not sure, we sort of got caught up talking Red Wings. It turns out that Kathy's a closet hockey fan. I think it's the violence.

(Laughs) Quit it! I told you that was just between us.

It could be the sweaty men. (Kathy laughs and pushes him.)

Buffy

If you two are going to rassle, do you mind taking it outside? I've got a lot of work to do. (She puts her things down on her bed and turns off the music.)

Sorry, I didn't realize. (He starts to leave.)

Buffy

Oh, Parker wait. Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...

No, it's totally cool. I should go anyway.

Buffy

Well, it was great of you to stop by, m-maybe we could do it another time?

Another time for sure. Bye, Kathy. (He gives her a wave.)

(Waving back.) Bye, seeya.

It wouldn't have killed you to be nice, you know.

Buffy

(Crossing over to her bed, she retrieves something from her bag.) Looked like you were being nice enough for the both of us.

(Closing the window.) I wasn't moving in on your territory, if that's what you mean.

Buffy

(Locking the bolt on her closet with a padlock.) Right. Just like you didn't destroy my sweater.

I'm cold.

Buffy

Well I'm hot. Deal with it.

Do you know what your problem is, Buffy.

Buffy

You?

Hardly. Your problem is you're spoiled. Maybe the world revolved around you where you used to live, but it's share time now.

Buffy

Share time, huh? Fine! I'll show you share time.

Oz

You're worried about her.

Willow

Yeah, both of them. I mean, what kind of demon runs around putting ookie blood dreams into people's heads. Like some kind of nightmare fairy. It's not right.

Oz

Well, I'm against it.

Willow

And Buffy's completely being not herself. If it wasn't for this English paper I'd be there right now. Um, listening. Doing the girly best friend thing.

Oz

Well, I can do that.

Willow

You can?

Oz

Well, I'm not saying we'll braid each others hair--probably—but I can hang with her, watch for signs she's going over the edge.

Willow

You're the best. Oh, she's probably patrolling by now. Check around the science center. If you need me I'll be (She opens the door, hears the sounds of a loud party and closes it again.) at the library. (She goes back the way they came.)

Buffy

...so then Kathy's like, 'It's share time.' And I'm like, 'Oh yeah? Share this!' (She punches at the air.)

Oz

So, either you hit her, or you did your wacky mime routine for her.

Buffy

Well, I didn't do either, actually. But she deserves it, don't you think?

Oz

Nobody deserves a mime, Buffy.

Buffy

Hmm, Kathy does. She deserves to be locked in an invisible box and blown away by an imaginary wind and... and...

Oz

Forced to wear a binding unitard?

Buffy

Yeah, the itchy kind, it's perfect.

Oz

Just here to help.

Buffy

Which I appreciate. But you've never come on routine patrol with me before, Oz. So, what's the deal?

Oz

Seemed more interesting than homework.

Buffy

As long as it's an elective. I can handle myself alone, you know.

Oz

Not in question.

Buffy

Good. So then, I go into the refrigerator--right?--and the label queen has managed to put...

Oz

Just a, just a thought, Buffy, but do you think all this ranting is scaring away potential demons? (They stop.)

Buffy

You're right. Ooh! She's even affecting my work, now. She's the Titanic. She's a crawling black cancer. (She brings her foot up, around and down onto a bench, breaking it in two.) She's... other really bad things.

Oz

On the plus side you've killed the bench, which was looking shifty.

Buffy

This isn't funny, Oz. Something has to be done. (She walks away looking determined.)

Oz

(Pause) Agreed. (And he follows her.)

Buffy

I'm going to bed. (She gets in her bed, turns out the light and closes her eyes.)

Oh, jeez.

I do what I can, but Buffy's difficult. She's secretive, for one thing, she comes in at all hours of the night, she leaves her gum all over the place.

Willow

I-it sounds like things are rough, but don't you want to be talking to Buffy about this?

I would, but she is so touchy about all kinds of weird stuff. I mean sometimes I get the feeling that she is not quite normal. You know? (Buffy stare intently at them.)

Willow

Well, normal is relative. Right?

Later, ok? (She leaves.)

Buffy

(Accusingly.) Why were you talking to her?

Willow

Buffy, come on, we were only just saying hi.

Yeah, that's what she wants you to think.

Willow

Buffy, this has to stop. I mean I-I get it, I have a sucky roomie, too. But you just have to deal.

Buffy

You're right, I've been thinking a lot about this and it's clear to me now.

Willow

Good, that's better.

Buffy

Kathy's evil. I'm an evil fighter. It's simple... I'm gonna have to kill her.

Willow

You have to kill her? Don't you think you could just switch rooms, or something?

Buffy

Well I would, but it's not just me in danger from Kathy. Look. (She opens the bottom pocket of her bag and takes out a plastic baggie containing toenail clippings.)

Willow

Toenails?

Buffy

Evil toenails. I took them off the floor last night when she was in the bathroom. She thought I was asleep.

Willow

Good thinking, 'cause in the middle of the night those toenails could have attacked you and left little half-moon marks all over your body.

Buffy

Don't be ridiculous. The point is I measured them before I fell asleep and again this morning, and they grew. After they were cut! That's a demon thing, she has to be eliminated.

Willow

Of course. I-it makes sense, now. But you better show those bad puppies to Giles before you do anything just to be sure.

Buffy

Absolutely. I don't want to do anything crazy.

Willow

Uh, you hurry on to Giles. I'll hang here and-and keep an eye on Kathy.

Buffy

Great. Good. Thanks, Will. (She leaves.)

Willow

Giles, I-I just talked to Buffy and, yeah, I think she's feeling a little... insane. No, n-not bitchy crazy, more like homicidal maniac crazy. So I told her to come to you. Kay?

Buffy

Giles? Anybody home? Hello?

Buffy

What are you guys doing? This is... this is ridiculous.

Xander

Buffy, this hurts me more than it hurts you.

Buffy

Not yet, but it will.

Xander

Don't say that. (He stops, realizing what she'd just said.) Oh, PLEASE don't say that.

Giles

We're doing this to stop you from making a terrible mistake.

Giles

Clearly something is amiss.

Buffy

Yeah, something's amiss here, a 'Miss Kathy Newman.' Giles, ow, Giles look in my bag. (He goes and picks up the bag.) Look in the bottom pocket of my bag. (He opens the pocket.) She has parts that can grow after they're detached. (He takes out the baggie.) She irons her jeans. She's evil. She has to be destroyed.

Giles

(Holding up the baggie.) I fear the demon that Buffy met in the woods has somehow possessed her.

Buffy

Lite FM. Love songs. Nothing but love songs.

Xander

(To Giles) You think?

Giles

Um, you stay and watch her. I-I know a spell that will make the possessing demon reveal itself so that we can fight it, but I-I need to get some supplies from the magic shop. Buffy, I... See you around.

Willow

Can I come in?

Sure. (She lets her in, closing the door.) Where's Buffy?

Willow

I don't know, exactly. But I've been thinking, it might be a good idea for you and Buffy to give each other some apart time. In fact, you might want to be, uh, apart before she gets back.

What do you mean? I should leave the room? Why should I go?

Willow

I-it's not fair, I know.

You bet it's not fair, having to live with someone who's obviously troubled. Someone who so clearly needs to be in a home, not in a dorm.

Willow

I don't know about that. Uh, Buffy's going through something, yes, but...

I wouldn't put it past her to drop out, or take off or something. Do something horrible to herself.

Willow

Herself?

Or worse. She's capable of it, you know? You can see it in those shifty little eyes of hers. One of these days she might even push somebody too far.

Hello? (She holds out the handset.) It's Oz. (Willow takes it.)

Willow

Hi. You did? She's at Giles, uh, ok. (She hangs up, and starts edging back toward the door.) You know, during that really short phone call I realized you are so right. I mean, it's not fair to make you leave your own room. So, you're good. You just stay, right there. Kay? (She bolts from the room.)

Buffy

I can't believe this, after all that we've been through together and you guys won't believe me when I tell you that Kathy is bad.

Xander

We want to, Buff, it's just...

Oz

Shh, don't engage.

Xander

I don't know if I tightened those ropes enough.

Oz

Then we'd better go over there and check 'em.

Xander

(Laughs until he sees that Oz was serious.) Oh, dear god!

Buffy

Nope, not tight enough.

Buffy

Kathy.

Buffy.

Buffy

I think we need to talk, don't you?

Absolutely. Let's talk.

Buffy

Oops, look what I did.

Huh, look what I did.

Buffy

I knew it!

Where is she?

Quit it!

Buffy

I knew it! I knew you were one of those demon things.

Oh why don't you just stuff it and let me finish my ritual.

Buffy

Ritual?

Giles

(In the magic shop, in what looks like a study, reading from an old book.) 'The ritual of Mok'tagar, a race of trans-dimensional demons, involves the forced ingestion of animal blood while the victim slumbers.' Buffy's nightmares...

Buffy

...were real.

I'm sorry, ok? I left my dimension to go to college and they sent these guys after me.

Giles

'But while the Mok'tagar can assume many forms and guises, including human, they can always be recognized by others of their kind due to the lack of a soul.' (He looks at the baggie with Kathy's toenail clippings.)

...so I'm borrowing yours.

Buffy

(In a 'how typical' tone.) Without even asking.

Tonight, when they come looking for me, they'll take the one without a soul.

Buffy

Well, thank God I won't have to watch you floss anymore.

(Shouts.) And I won't have to live with a slob.

(Singsong.) It's share time, Buffy.

Buffy

Fine, let's start with my sweater.

Buffy

Oh!

Xander

Oow... why couldn't Giles have shackles like any self respecting bachelor?

Willow

Guys, I just saw Kathy and she's acting... Oh my God, are you ok? (She runs over and helps Oz to his feet.)

Oz

Yeah, Buffy's got a pretty good lead on us, though.

Willow

I-I'll call Kathy, tell her to get out of there. (She goes over to the phone and starts punching numbers.)

(Whap) All you had to do was (Whap) write (Whap) down (Whap) your (Whap) calls!

Willow

(Hanging up.) No answer.

Giles

(Rushing in.) Toenails! (He looks at them and shows them the baggie.) Buffy was right. (He gives it to Willow.) Kathy's toenails not only keep growing after they've been cut, they actually regenerate after they've been destroyed.

Willow

(Examining the clippings.) And that's a demon thing?

Giles

Oh, unequivocally yes. So... where is Buffy? (Xander shows him the rope.) Oh dear, we have even less time than I feared. (He hurries into the kitchen and starts gathering up items.) I've looked up all known regenerating demons. Only one species practices the ritual Buffy's been seeing in her sleep. It's used to steal the soul from a human body.

Xander

W-wait, are you saying that Buffy's been doing a Linda Blair on us because Kathy's been sucking her soul?

Giles

I believe so, yes. Excuse me please.

Willow

So Buffy was right all along. Later on, big remorse.

Giles

Now, I've found a spell that should reverse the soul transfer procedure immediately. (He hands the book over to Willow.) Willow and I will perform it at once.

Oz

Leaving Xander and me to help Buffy in the flesh.

Giles

'Hear me, elders of the upper reaches... elders of the lower reaches... elders of the dry land... elders of the river flats.'

Buffy

Ah-hah! (She stomps on the pencils, breaking them.)

Do you mind? People are trying to study!

Giles

'Ancients I beseech you. The soul, abstracted. Let it revert to it's true seat.'

The window's open. Happy?

Open up! Let me finish! (She gets Buffy's mouth open.)

Giles

'Let it be finished. Let the unnatural vessel be emptied, let the essence be returned to it's original host.'

How did you do...

There you are. Do you have any idea how much trouble you're in young lady?

I'm not going back!

Don't take that tone with me.

I'm 3000 years old! When are you going to stop treating me like I'm 900?

Enough. You're coming home.

Willow

How's that?

Buffy

Uh-uh, a little to the left... there. Perfect. I'm so glad you're here Will. (She sets the other half of her sandwich on the dresser.) I can already feel all that bad-Kathy-karma just draining away.

Willow

About that--The Kathy thing?--I'm sorry I doubted you.

Buffy

You're completely forgiven. I mean, you had reason to doubt. Except for the soul sucking thing I bet Kathy was pretty regular, as far as roomies go.

Willow

That's a pretty big 'except.'

Buffy

I guess. I'm just glad that it was Kathy's demon-y ways making me no-fun Buffy. I've always thought I was pretty easy going--you know?--it's not like I have the big issues. You know, burn incense, or...

Willow

(Picking up the half-sandwich.) You going to finish this?