The Killer In Me

Buffy

The First. That's what it wants.

Giles

To erase all the slayers in training and their watchers, along with their methods.

Buffy

He really didn't know what he'd done. It wasn't in his control.

Xander

It's a trigger. It's a brainwashing term. It's how the military makes sleeper agents.

Willow

Amy.

Can I come in?

Willow

If you really are my friend, you better stay away from me.

Agent Finn, my implant?

Riley

The implant works. Hostile 17 can't harm any living creature in any way without intense neurological pain.

You think you can just do that to me?

Willow

Tara?

Somebody! Help!

Willow

You wanna do the sleeping arrangements? (offers the sheets to Kennedy)

(takes the sheets) OK. You, uh, better not hog the covers. (smiles)

Giles

Are you sure you'll all be all right?

Dawn

You'll only be gone for two days.

Buffy

I think we've managed a bit longer than that.

Giles

Right. (looks around nervously, stops) Oh, Dawn, Vi's left her notebook on the mantelpiece. Would you mind running it out to the car?

Dawn

(stands, goes to the fireplace) Sure.

Giles

While you're at it, you smack her in the head with it and remind her not to leave it lying around.

Dawn

(walks out the front door with the notebook) On it.

Giles

(sits on coffee table in front of Buffy) I'm just a bit twitchy about leaving you alone again here while—while things are (takes of glasses, wipes his brow) in such a state of flux.

Buffy

I know. But you should go. This trip is important for the girls to understand the source of their power, and to know how to use it right.

Giles

Do you think they appreciate the gravity of what we're undertaking? It's frightening, and it's difficult. And then, apparently, someone told them that the vision quest consists of me driving them to the desert, doing the hokey pokey until a spooky Rasta-mama slayer arrives and speaks to them in riddles. (looks at Buffy)

Buffy

(looks innocent) That's not exactly how I put it, I— (sees Willow come down stairs and enter the room) Hey, how's Kennedy?

Willow

Still fluey. Bummed about missing the field trip. (to Giles) She says she wants you to meditate extra hard for her and to bring her back some smores. (grins)

Giles

Ah yes. Smores. I'm going to end up singing campfire songs aren't I? (stands)

Buffy

Oh yeah.

Xander

(comes in the front door, followed by Dawn) Giles, you might want to get out there.

Giles

Oh, God, what?

Dawn

Molly and Rona are fighting over who gets to drive the first leg.

Buffy

(to Giles) Bet you wish you renewed that California state driver's license now, huh?

Anya

(comes in the front door) Rona won. You should probably let Molly out of the trunk. (car horn blows outside, Anya walks to the kitchen with Willow) I never actually realized just how compact Molly really is.

Giles

(sighs, to Buffy) Please be safe while I'm away.

Buffy

You too.

Buffy

Hey.

Spike

Hey.

Buffy

Giles is off ...on the retreat.

Spike

Give us all a chance for a breather, eh?

Buffy

From Giles?

Spike

From the constant pitter patter of clomping teenage girly feet.

Buffy

(shrugs) I have no idea what you're talking about.

Spike

Come on.

Buffy

No, I enjoy my responsibility as mentor, role model, life guide—oh, my God, I cannot believe I have my bathroom all to myself for two whole days. (sits on the cot beside Spike)

Spike

(leans forward) It's like a bloody war-zone up there, and not in a good way.

Buffy

Have you seen the kitchen since they've been here?

Spike

I'm just trying to stay out of their way.

Buffy

(glances at his chains) I noticed.

Spike

(looks at his chains) This is better. Believe me, it's safer.

Buffy

OK. But you've been fine. In close contact with the girls.

Spike

(looks at Buffy) With you by my side, yeah. You won't let me hurt one of them. And that's the way it's gonna be until we're sure the First is done making me its bitch. Either we're together, or I'm on the leash.

Buffy

We just need to make sure the trigger's deactivated then. We've got a couple of days, lack of pitter-patter and all...

Spike

(leans forward, looking at her earnestly) Buffy...

Buffy

What?

Spike

Ow.

Buffy

Ow?

Spike

(his face contorts, twitching) Ow ow ow! (leans back, thrashes against the wall)

Buffy

What's wrong? (Spike puts his hands to his head) Spike, what is going on?

Spike

(calmer now) The chip. God. Why would—? (screams) Aaahhh! (holds his hands to his head, writhing in intense pain)

13 INT. KITCHEN AT BUFFY'S HOUSE - NIGHT A tea kettle whistles as Buffy walks into the kitchen from the basement. Willow's at the stove.

Willow

Hey. How is he?

Buffy

(sits) Oh, in the "goes" part of "comes and goes."

Willow

Well there seems to be a definite lack of screaming. That has to be good.

Buffy

You'd think. (Willow pours hot water into a cup) That for the other patient?

Willow

Yeah. Thought I'd bring her some tea, help her feel better.

Buffy

(smiling, teasingly) Mm-hmm?

Willow

It's just tea.

Buffy

(giggles, then pauses) Will, how much do you know about the chip?

Willow

Spike's chip? Well, I remember trying to dig up stuff back then, but, you know, turns out, when a secret government agency studies vampires and puts chips in their brains that keep them from hurting people, they don't really build websites. Why?

Buffy

Even with the chip, Spike was able to hurt all those people when he was brainwashed.

Willow

Yeah, but he was under the control of the First.

Buffy

Maybe something's wrong with it.

Willow

The chip is misfiring all on its own, then. Well this'll be fun.

Buffy

Remember when things used to be nice and boring?

Willow

(shrugs) No. (walks out of the kitchen with tea in hand)

Buffy

(teasingly, calls after her) Have fun...delivering tea...

Willow

(stops, turns around) OK, not when you make it sound all dirty like that. (mumbles as she heads upstairs) It's just tea.

Willow

Hey, I figured the best thing for a cold is a nice hot cup of...(frowns) boots?

Hey.

Willow

For someone who's sick, you look surprisingly robust and casual dressy.

Well, the lighting in here is good. Maybe it's just—

Willow

(shocked) You were never sick!

No...I was never sick.

Willow

Oh, you are so busted. Xander's gonna have to drive you to the desert and—

Willow, chill. (stands) There's a reason I didn't go. I have a thing. A separate thing.

Willow

What?

(puts on her coat) Something's coming down. I have my own mission. And I need you help.

(singing) So I can be happy again...

Willow

This is a mission?

Oh! Yeah...

Willow

And the little pink umbrellas are a signal for what? We're not on a mission, are we?

Hey, trust me, I told you. I have a thing. (Willow gets up to leave, Kennedy calls after her) Come on, come on. Just hang out with me a little. (Willow turns to face her, sighing) You're sexy when you pout.

Willow

Why do you do that?

(pouts) To get you to stay.

Willow

(returns to the table, sits) All right, I'll stay for one drink, then I'm going home.

OK. One drink. I can work with that. Let's start with the easy stuff. How long have you known? That you're gay.

Willow

Wait. That's easy? (fidgets) And you just assume that I'm—I'm gay. I mean, presume much?

(grins) OK. How long have you enjoyed having sex with women?

Willow

(taken aback) Hey! (Kennedy chuckles) What you think you have some special lesbidar or something?

OK, you know there's a better word for that, right? (Willow sips her drink) You really haven't been getting out there much, have you?

Willow

Well, I just—can you always tell just—just by looking at someone?

No. No, of course not. That wouldn't be any fun. The fun part is the process of—of getting to know a girl. It's like—it's like flirting in code. It's using body language and laughing at the right jokes and—and looking into her eyes and knowing she's still whispering to you, even when she's not saying a word. And that sense that if you can just touch her just once everything will be OK for both of you. That's how you can tell. (sits back, grins) Or if she's really hot, you just get her drunk—see if she comes on to you.

Willow

Three years ago. That's when I knew. And it wasn't women, it was woman. Just one.

Lucky woman. (smiles)

Spike

Popped another blood vessel, I think. (Buffy hands him a towel; he wipes blood from his nose)

Buffy

There's gotta be a reason why the chip is going all wonky. Maybe it's related to the trigger or maybe it has something to do with the new soul.

Spike

Or maybe I wasn't meant to last this long. (beat) One more thing you and I have in common, eh, pet?

Buffy

Well, we'll fix it. We'll hit serious research mode—

Spike

Good. Try Behavioral Modification Software Throughout the Ages.

Buffy

(sighs) OK. You're right. Not a book thing. It's a phone thing.

Spike

Who you gonna call? (Buffy looks at him funny) God, that phrase is never gonna be useable again, is it?

Buffy

Doubt it.

Do your parents know?

Willow

Yeah. My mom was—was all proud like I was making some political statement. Then the statement mojo wore off and I was just gay. She hardly ever even met Tara.

Classic.

Willow

I didn't mind. Tara and I are kind of private.

I'm sorry. It must've—

Willow

Were, I mean. Private.

Buffy

Yes, Agent Finn, Riley. Tell him we're having a problem with Spike's chip. No his chip. Spike.

Spike

(shakes his head) Listen, pet?

Buffy

No, no, Finn is his last name. Yeah. Well, did he used to work there and then he got transferred? (Spike's chip goes off again, he thrashes on the stairs unnoticed by Buffy) Oh, is this actually a flower shop, or is this one of those things where I'm supposed to play along to show that I know it's really secret ops? Oh, maybe I shouldn't have said that. Oh, OK, right. Well, if some guy named Finn shows up to buy flowers— Yeah. Thanks. (hangs up, turns to Spike) Wrong number. Or a giant government conspiracy, one or the— (notices he's recovering from an episode) Spike?

Spike

This one seemed easier than the others. See? Probably just gonna fade— (screams, holding his head again)

It was Gone with the Wind. I saw that, and I knew I wanted to sweep Scarlet off her feet.

Willow

You were five.

Well, I'm not saying the sweeping would have been easy... (smiles, eats the cherry off her paper umbrella garnish) What?

Willow

I just—I still don't get it. (shrugs) Why you like me. I mean, you don't even know me.

Have you seen you? (Willow blushes) And we like the same things—Italian, skate punk, Robert Parker mysteries, fighting evil...

Willow

(smiles, shakes her head) I don't like any of that stuff. Except the—the fighting evil part. Even then, I prefer a nice foot massage.

OK, I dig the way you always turn off the Moulin Rouge DVD at Chapter 32 so it has a happy ending. (Willow laughs) I like the way you speak. It's interesting. (Willow smiles) And your freckles...likeable. (Willow blushes) I'm not so into the magic stuff. It seems like fairy tale crap to me, but if it matters to you... You care about it, so it's cool.

Willow

Well, this is my stop. (turns on light) So...glad we talked.

(walks into the room, toward Willow, nods) Yes. Kinda cleared the air.

Willow

(nods) Yeah, totally. Air cleared. Check.

(standing in front of Willow now) You know, in the spirit of air clearing...

Willow

Yeah?

I feel like I need to be honest about something.

Willow

I-is something wrong?

No. (shakes head) No, it's just— (walks closer to Willow) I think (leans in for a kiss) you should know...

Well, that was nice.

21 INT. WILLOW'S ROOM AT BUFFY'S HOUSE - NIGHT Resume. Willow's standing where Warren was a moment ago, talking to Kennedy, who is staring incredulously at her.

Willow

Are you OK? (chuckles nervously) I'm not used to literally knocking girls off of their feet with just the power of my own lips.

OK, you gonna pick that up, or...?

I don't—what are you?

Willow

Is this a freckle thing, 'cause—

What... is that?

OK, hold up a sec.

Xander

Get Buffy. Get Buffy. Tell her the First is back.

Anya

We're not interested in any of your evil lies. We've heard 'em all.

(shakes her head) I don't know. I'm not sure. We were up in Willow's room and we were—-

No... No. You're back.

No more listening. I know who you are now. I know what you made me do. Your promises of happy fields and dancing schnauzers and being demigods won't work on me anymore.

Anya

(yells) Buffy!

Xander

(whispers, to Anya) The Bringers are coming too.

You made me do things. Things I can never take back. Ever.

Buffy

(walks into the room) What the hell is going on here—? (scowls when she sees Warren, punches him in the nose. He falls to the ground, writhing in pain on the floor) Ow! (stares at Warren)

Spike

(walks into the room, holding his head) Buffy...

Anya

Wait.

Dawn

But if he's the First...

Xander

You're not the First.

(smiles) Oh, my God! (goes to Warren) You're back. (hugs Warren from behind, his hands touching Warren's chest)

It's Willow.

Xander

Are you sure?

Xander

(smiles, walks up to Willow/Warren) Hey, Willow!

Anya

What happened?

Anya

Oh, like a glamour.

Buffy

What makes you think that?

Buffy

(to Dawn and Andrew) Guys!

(stops touching Willow/Warren) It's so real.

Buffy

OK, say you're right, and you did do this to yourself. Why would your subconscious turn you into Warren?

Buffy

We'll deal. We'll get help.

Buffy

On your own? Why?

Buffy

It's kinda a little late for that. (Spike's moaning in the background)

Buffy

(goes to his side) Spike. (kneels down beside him)

Spike

Buffy.

Buffy

I'm right here.

Spike

The chip fired again.

Buffy

I kinda figured. Maybe they'll call back. Maybe they'll send help.

Spike

Maybe we can't wait.

OK. Safe to say no one will ever accuse you of being too butch.

(follows) Come on. I mean, you turned into a guy. I mean if you take a step back, seriously, there's a certain element of humor here, right? (Willow/Warren stops walking, turns and glares at her) Well, a really, really big step.

(follows) So you got a plan?

I thought you were gonna try it yourself.

All the more reason for me to go with you. Plus, I was there when it happened. Lemme come to try to help too.

By yourself? Why?

Given. How 'bout I just tag along anyway. Keep you company. (Willow/Warren sighs) I'm taking that as a yes.

You know where you're going?

Spike

Are you sure you still wanna go back in this place with me?

Buffy

Eh, nothing good on TV tonight.

Spike

(stops walking) Here we are. Yep, here we are. (they kneel on the ground) You think the stuff's still good?

Buffy

Maybe we should search for files and stuff. Find out everything we can about the chip—shelf life.

Spike

I'll take whatever I can get. (grabs a chain in the dirt)

Buffy

(grabs the chain Spike's holding) Ready?

Spike

Yeah.

I'll get it. (stands) I'm supposed to get a call when the new League of Extraordinary Gentlemen comes in. I gave them this number.

Xander

Ooh. Can you see if you can get two?

Summers residence, this is Andrew speaking. How can I help you?

Xander

(realizes that Dawn and Anya are staring at him, looks at Andrew) Loser.

(holds his hand over the phone) Hey, do we know some British guy named Robson?

Xander

He was attacked, this Robson guy in England. (sits) And Giles was there helping him. And there was a Bringer.

Anya

(leans forward) Xander...

Xander

Robson blacked out, but the last thing he remembers is Giles's head about to get really familiar with a Bringer's very sharp axe.

Dawn

Oh, my God!

Anya

Giles never mentioned any of this.

Xander

Robson said by the time he came to, there was no Giles.

Dawn

So, what are we saying?

Xander

Maybe Giles just didn't want to talk about it.

Anya

Or maybe he didn't make it. Look, I'm not saying it's a happy scenario, but we're dealing with a big bad that can be any dead person it wants.

Xander

Because if you want to infiltrate the inner circle of the slayer...

Anya

Become the one person she trusts more than anybody else.

Dawn

But there's no way that we can know.

Actually that's not true. The First can't take corporeal form, so it can't touch anything.

Anya

Oh, it's not like Giles hasn't touched anything, right? (thinks, looks expectantly at everyone else) Ha-has anyone seen Giles touch anything since he got back? Hold anything? Has anybody hugged him? Think very hard.

(stands, follows them toward the door) Wait—where're you...?

Xander

The desert. We're gonna find Giles.

Oh good. Let me just get some tapes for the car. I've been working on this mix—

Xander

You're not coming.

What? Why? 'Cause I used to be evil?

Xander

No, actually, 'cause you're annoying, but that's a good reason too. (turns toward the door)

(panicked) Wait, I—don't leave me here alone. I keep getting attacked in this house.

Dawn

Actually, Xand...

What if this is all part of the plan? Drive you guys away so it can have its way with me? Ever think of that?

Xander

I'll risk it. (puts his hand on the doorknob)

OK, well, if you leave me here alone, I'll do something evil, like burning something or gluing things together.

Anya

For crying out loud, Harris, let's just take him. At least we can keep an eye on him. (Xander waves to Andrew to join them; Andrew and Dawn go out the door) Xander...

Xander

I know, they're out there all alone. All of 'em. (Xander and Anya go out the door)

(praying) Instill us, oh, great one, with peace, with strength, with compassion, with hope. The path we seek is yours. Keep us on that path.

Um, hi, we're—

Hey.

You're Willow?

Uh, no, we still do that too. Second Tuesday of every month. I'm sorry, I'm kind of having a hard time with the whole guy event thing...

(off camera) Um, it's actually her. I can tell. (turns toward the camera—it's Amy) I know her.

OK, here's the thing. Hi. Here's the thing. I'll just get this out of the way. I'm sorta screwed up, but I mean you already knew that 'cause you lived it. Gotcha.

But she's doing so much better now. Amy...

It's OK, Vaughne, I wanna do this. It took me a long time to really see myself. But I did. Because you know that's the crazy thing about hitting rock bottom, you get to relive all the crappy things you did. And I wanted to come find you and tell you that I was here working on things with these guys. And that they're good. And that I'm sorry. But you're here, looking like— Wow. How did this happen?

That's what we're here to find out. I mean, if we're done with all the group hugging.

Yeah, see the thing is we're more about healing spirits and nurturing our life force here.

(looks at group, then back at Willow/Warren) But we'll try.

(whispers, to Vaughne) What if she can't handle this?

...Give back the form the soul requires. See that the balance is put right.

(stands) It didn't work?

Willow!

You slapped me!

30 INT. LECTURE HALL AT UC SUNNYDALE - NIGHT Amy's holding her face where Willow/Warren slapped her. Willow/Warren runs out of the room.

(stands, goes after Willow/Warren) Willow...

Willow! OK, you're upset.

Getting angry isn't helping. We can still try to—

Willow! (tries to follow, but is blocked by a magical barrier) Willow, wait!

Buffy

Be careful. (shines flashlight on rotting bodies on the floor) Oh, God. They just left them.

Spike

(also shines flashlight on rotting bodies on the floor) They just sealed the place off. Left everything as it was.

Buffy

I'm thinking brief stay.

Spike

Yeah, you're not wrong. (shines his light on a door) I think I can get us to the med lab, find the drug.

OK, I'll go. "R". (Xander glances back at him, but no one answers) Ghost is is hard to play by yourself.

Anya

How long since they left?

Xander

A few hours.

Anya

If it is the First, and I'm not saying it is, what're we expecting to find?

Xander

He didn't bring them out there to meditate.

(to Dawn) Kinda makes you grateful you weren't a potential after all, doesn't it? Safer.

Anya

Not so fast with the big "phew".

Xander

He might know we're coming.

Anya

Which means we're already too late, and we're heading out to the middle of nowhere.

Dawn

With no slayer, no powerful witch...

Anya

Just a teenager, a powerful former demon, and two big geeks.

OK, license plate game, maybe?

Spike

You hear that?

Buffy

Yep. (they shine their flashlights around the room, but can't see anything)

Spike

Think something survived?

Buffy

Sounds like.

Spike

You see where?

Buffy

No, it sounded like it was coming from over there. Whatever it is, it's not—

Spike

Buffy!

Where'd they go?

They took off. It was a little too creepy, even for us. You're really worried about her. (stands) Look, she's gonna be fine, really. She's good at this. She's strong. And she's dealt with a lot worse. Long before she ever went out and found herself a big old potential slayer bodyguard, OK? Just have a little faith in her.

I never said I was a potential slayer.

(innocently) Oh, no, I think you did. When you first got here, you told us—

No, I didn't. (walks closer to Amy) How did you know who I was?

(smirks) Oops.

Spike

(holding his head) Not now... (collapses on the floor)

Buffy

Spike!

So, same model as last time? How'd that work out for you?

40 EXT. DESERT - NIGHT Giles is sitting by the campfire. He stands and walks around, only to be attacked from behind by Xander, Anya, Dawn and Andrew. He screams as they tackle him, pushing him to the ground.

Xander

Touch him. Touch him.

Dawn

(feeling Giles's shoulder) Oh, I feel him. I feel him.

Xander

(feeling Giles's chest) Me too.

(feeling Giles's leg) Me too.

Giles

We all feel each other. Including some of us who don't know each other well enough to take such liberties, thank you. (glances at Andrew) I assume there's a perfectly reasonable and not at all insane explanation here.

Anya

We thought you might be non-corporeal evil.

Dawn

We got a call. We couldn't remember you touching anything.

Xander

We had to make sure you were OK. We were worried.

Giles

Oh. That's very sweet. Now wait a minute—you think I'm evil... if I bring a group of girls on a camping trip and don't touch them?

Buffy

(calls out) Spike?

Buffy

Hey. Are you still with us?

Spike

(inaudibly) Yeah.

Buffy

That guy was— (the lights come on in the room, and Buffy looks up at a half-dozen army men are pointing guns at her and Spike) just the beginning.

Spike

(still lying on the floor) What's happening?

Miss Summers. Agent Finn reported that you tried to contact him earlier today.

Buffy

I knew it! (whispers to Spike) Government conspiracy.

(waves the other soldiers off; they put down their guns) He indicated you might be needing our assistance. We're to provide you anything you need to help assface here. (Buffy and Spike stare at him) Those were his exact words, ma'am.

Med team tells me they took a look at the chip. (nods) You were right. (crosses arms) It's degraded. Leave it as it is much longer, it'll be fatal to him.

Buffy

(swallows) OK. So, how long t—

Now.

Buffy

(breathes out heavily) Right, of course. Um, what do we do next?

Agent Finn said it was your call, ma'am.

Buffy

My—what was my call?

All decisions regarding Hostile 17 are to be left in your hands. This chip...we can either repair it... or remove it.

(angrily) Tell me why you did this to her.

What did you do to her? (stands)

(smiles cockily) What, to Willow? Oh, just your standard penance malediction is all.

(walks back up to Amy) OK, and that's magic crazy talk for what?

(smirking) I put a hex on her.

I got that part. But why Warren? And why did it happen after we kissed?

Oh, (chuckles) that's rich. (slinks closer to Kennedy) That must've been some kiss. You must be good.

Answer me.

The hex I cast lets the victim's subconscious pick the form of their punishment. It's always better than anything I can come up with. Elegant, you know?

(threateningly) Undo it. Let her out.

OK. Oh, wait, I forgot—no.

Why would you do this to her? You really hate her that much?

(sighs) This is not about hate. It's about power. Willow always had all the power, long before she even knew what to do with it. Just came so easy for her. The rest of us—we had to work twice as hard to be half as good. But no one cares about how hard you work. They just care about cute, sweet Willow. They don't know how weak she is. She gave in to evil—stuff worse than I can even imagine— She almost destroyed the world! And yet everyone keeps on loving her? (in Kennedy's face) So what's wrong with having a little fun, huh? Taking her down a peg or two?

Fun? (Amy nods) She's disappearing. Fading away in that creep, and you think it's fun.

It was just a game. It's not my fault if she's losing herself.

I'm gonna stop you now, you know.

(smirks) Hey, I'm not the bad guy here. But I wonder where he'd be right about now. (snaps her fingers)

(to herself) Well, that was a hell of a thing.

Do? Get away with— (Warren/Willow points the gun at Kennedy; Kennedy backs up slowly, calmly) OK, let's not get excited.

Willow, what did you make happen?

You mean him?

You said her.

No, no it wasn't. You said I was there. Who did you kill, Willow?

Tara....

(takes a step toward Willow/Warren) No...

Kissing me didn't mean th—

(goes to Willow/Warren's side) Willow, no.

(kneels in front of Willow/Warren) Willow, I don't think you did anything wrong. This is just magic. And I think I'm figuring the whole magic thing out. It's just like fairy tales. (leans in for a kiss)

Bringing you back to life.

(smiles) Hmm. I am good.

Willow

It's—it's me? (touches her face) I'm back? Oh, God...

Are you all right?

Willow

I have no idea. (they stand) I'm so tired.

Yeah. I'll make you some tea.