Harmonic Divergence

Plot

Harmony stands outside a club with her two little dogs in her arms. When they won’t let her in, she tries charm. Because how could anyone resist these two, she says, glancing – roughly – at the two dogs (which she conveniently holds right in front of her cleavage).

Finally she turns away dejectedly and is about to leave when some celebrity comes out of the club and is practically ambushed by the photographers.

Harmony has no idea who he is, but “famous” alone is enough to get her interested. A little piece of fame is all it takes for her to absolutely have to get in touch with it. Harmony goes over to the man while the paparazzi have already spotted their next “victim” and turn their attention to it.

Meanwhile Harmony has let celebrity number one pull her into a side alley and kisses him. Of course the two of them are discovered and photos are taken. When Harmony looks up, everyone sees her vampire face and the bite marks on the neck of the dazed man.

Hopefully they also noticed how hot she looks, Harmony thinks – sleepy look, tousled hair over the S.V.F. (the editors assume she means “sexy vampire forehead”) and full, blood-smeared lips…

Later, Harmony’s apartment:

Harm has found the pictures of her and her “snack” online. If they just cut him out of the picture, it is the best photo of her ever, she thinks.

She sees the headline “Hot Vamp Gets Taste Of A. Dick” – apparently she has struck a nerve, Harm thinks. People are crazy about vampires these days.

Later, the C.A.A. building:

Harm has no idea what the abbreviation stands for, but it is a scary building with a hole in the middle – and full of agents who even work late.

Harmony intercepts one of them and wants to talk to him. She follows him into the elevator.

Lots of guys have no idea they can be bitten without being killed. And as soon as they find out, they get curious. That is exactly what Harmony takes advantage of.

She wipes the blood from the corner of her mouth. The chubby agent leans against the elevator wall with a bite wound on his neck and watches her go, happily dazed.

He has agreed to set up a few meetings for Harmony.

Later, Santa Monica, the M.T.V. building:

Okay, nobody knows what that abbreviation stands for either, Harmony thinks, but they produce reality shows – and they agreed to a meeting after sunset.

Harmony tries to sell a few people on her idea for a reality show called “Harmony Bites”. They can simply follow her around and document her life. They can show her with her friends (whom they can just cast). And mostly she will bite people at wild parties.

One of the men is not quite convinced yet. Looks like they still need a villain for the whole thing.

But that is the genius part, Harmony answers. With her they get a heroine with a built-in villain – and she switches to her vampire self for a moment.

Later, Harmony’s reality show:

She has just put her little dogs in ridiculous uniforms and is delighted that she now has her own camera crew… they are watching her right now.

Her own storyline… she tends the bite wound of one of her “victims”.

The ratings are not that great, but Harmony believes they will manage. They just have to put more money into advertising. She will be in People, she thinks the next moment.

At the very same time Buffy and Willow are horrified to discover an article about Harmony in a magazine.

What the hell…, Buffy begins.

Willow reads over Buffy’s shoulder and just remarks with a frown that Harmony is no Tina Fey.

Somewhere in America:

Under a huge billboard for Harmony’s reality show, a group of girls stands around one of them. The girl, called Soledad, apparently wants to leave the gang. She has wanted to for a while, but only now, on her sixteenth birthday, does she have the courage.

The others do not take it particularly well. One of the girls punches Soledad in the face. They all close in on her and Soledad is thrown against a wall. At that very moment she receives her Slayer powers.

Soledad smiles. Well, that changes things.

Soledad finishes off her “friends” with ease. She feels completely free. But she is afraid it will not last.

Some time later the girl is in town and sees, in a shop window, the – now actually produced – commercial with Andrew and Vi addressed to newly called Slayers.

Soledad watches the spot; but she will not contact them. If they want her, they can find her.

A week later the girl is sitting alone on a bench when Andrew joins her. He would like to talk about her destiny, he greets her.

Oh crap, the young Latina Slayer thinks.

Andrew pushes up his sunglasses and says they should talk about vampires.

Soledad has heard they can bite someone without killing them, so what is the fuss about?

Oh, the señorita still has a lot to learn, Andrew explains. They have no conscience and cannot feel the suffering of others. They are undead, soulless creatures of darkness.

Uh-huh.

They prey on those weaker than themselves, Andrew explains in view of Soledad’s lack of interest – people with no protectors, people who turn to power because they have none of their own and then become victims.

She is in, Soledad declares. So where can she find them and how can she kill them?

Andrew has his phone in his hand and calls Buffy. She will want to welcome Soledad.

Soledad listens to Buffy. She talks a lot, Soledad thinks; and the connection is lousy too.

Broken up by static, Buffy talks about honour… duty… together… against… death… evil candy… sometimes there are snakes… and honour…

They will protect her and train her. She will be part of the family, Buffy promises Soledad. Community, a unit, sisters, Buffy lists.

Soledad gets up from the bench, tosses the phone to Andrew and walks away. She knows all these lines – she has heard them before. She will take care of the vampires, but she will not become part of a group of girls. She does this alone.

While Buffy rambles on, Dawn has to fend off the amorous advances of a stallion – Willow drops the book she was reading in shock, and Xander barely manages to keep the lovesick horse away from Dawn.

Buffy looks at the phone when Soledad simply hangs up.

In a shop window Soledad looks at the tattoo on her arm – a reminder of her time in the girl gang. She does not like this “membership card” (a sword and the name of the gang).

Later, in a tattoo parlour (called “Do you ink I’m sexy”):

Soledad has had her tattoo covered – instead of the gang name, the sword is now surrounded by roses, and she likes that much better.

She is still looking at the work in the mirror when the door opens and Harmony comes in with her reality-show entourage. She also has Clem in tow, carrying her dogs in his arms.

Harmony raves about the place – so authentic and grimy!

Very chic, Clem thinks, in a lower-class sense.

What the pink hell is that, Soledad asks a man from the show team, frowning as she watches Harm and Clem.

That is Harmony; she knows the show, right, the young man whispers.

Uhm… no…, Soledad answers.

That’s okay. The show probably doesn’t stand a chance anyway. It is a reality show about a vampire. Nothing ever really happens.

A vampire, the Slayer asks with her arms crossed, watching Harmony and Clem look at a few boards of tattoo designs.

Does she want a tattoo, Clem asks, and adds that Harm should get one.

Harmony is not sure…

An employee recommends a flaming skull – always very popular, he says.

Clem has a little cartoon duck somewhere too, he says, and tugs at his skin folds to find it again.

So what if she wanted to talk to Harmony alone sometime, Soledad asks with feigned indifference.

The man flips through his clipboard. Well, they are shooting in a rented house in the hills. She can come by if she wants. They still need a few hot “extras” for the party scene tonight anyway.

A party sounds good, Soledad thinks.

In the evening, the show set:

Lots of people in party outfits stream into a brightly lit villa.

Soledad goes through the bag check at the entrance. This is what passes for fun, she thinks sarcastically – security at a party where everyone hopes to be bitten by a monster! But they freak out if someone has a little broken piece of wood in their bag… so the stake is confiscated and Soledad is allowed into the “party”.

Inside, Soledad is asked excitedly whether she has been bitten, because her new tattoo is still covered with a plaster. Two women eagerly speculate about whether they might get lucky and be bitten tonight too; they make the whole thing sound like fun!

The director gives instructions to the party guests: Harmony and a few others will be here soon, but first they want some shots of the party. They should just have fun. So, music on – and as soon as Harm arrives they will turn it down so they can hear whatever Harmony does. So, let’s party.

The “guests” follow the instructions and dance to loud music.

Meanwhile Soledad thinks she needs a stake, because the vampire is somewhere close by.

Harmony appears at the top of the stairs. People are told not to look at her or at the cameras, but to keep dancing.

Soledad looks desperately for anything made of wood.

Harmony is looking forward to her party. She could have more than one date if she wanted, she tells her companion. But he wants to be something special – oh please, she should turn him into a vampire, then they could be together forever.

Harmony does not know whether he has earned it.

Soledad snatches a clapperboard from a crew member on a break and turns it into a stake on the spot.

She runs up the stairs towards Harmony, who drops her little dog in fright. It lands squeaking on Clem’s head and digs its claws into his skin flaps.

Soledad throws herself at Harmony and grabs her hair. These are only kids, she says angrily, calling Harmony a dirty, stinking bloodsucker. Harmony has changed by now, and the scene is eagerly captured by cameras and microphones.

Harmony hits the Slayer and grabs for the stake herself. Soledad kicks Harmony, who falls through the railing to the floor below. She lands on her feet – thinking that that hurts, and also that she is scared, because this is obviously a Slayer.

Soledad wants to go after Harmony again, jumps down after her – and straight onto the stake that Harmony has forgotten she is holding.

People will like the Slayers, won’t they? That could be bad for her show, Harmony thinks, and the next moment she bites the girl and drains her in front of the rolling cameras.

Slayer groups all over the world watch it on their screens in horror.

That is not a show, Andrew remarks, shocked.

All Buffy can say is “Oh my God”.

Willow, who is braiding Dawn’s ponytail (not her hair – her actual horse tail), dryly notes that according to variety.com the ratings are skyrocketing and there are record downloads.

MTV headquarters:

Everyone is thrilled about the fantastic ratings and about Harmony (the guys all have plasters on their necks). They beat every show on cable, and overall only American Idol did better. Simply phenomenal! They always knew that all the show was missing was an enemy!

And now they even have thousands of them. They still have to do some research, but it looks like there is a whole army of Slayers. Well organised. Very violent. The best enemy since the Nazis. Even better, one of the producers enthuses.

Harmony is totally blown away – she feels all tingly!

Buffy is on the phone with Andrew. She cannot understand what the hell is wrong with people.

People just suck, Andrew replies (in a Spice World sweater). He keeps his eyes on the TV the whole time. Oh, Anderson Cooper, he says right in the middle of the conversation with Buffy.

On his show Anderson Cooper is talking to Harmony.

Slayers – they are a kind of shadow organisation. They did a little digging and found out that they see themselves as the protectors of mankind, fighting some kind of “evil”. But who decides what evil is? And some are asking who protects people from them. That is what they want to talk about today with TV starlet Harmony Kendall. That is how Anderson Cooper opens his show.

But he promised to…, Harmony interrupts him.

Oh yes, and her dog Queen Puffles of Pomerania, Cooper completes the introduction.

Buffy, Willow and Xander watch the show and cannot believe it.

It looks as if they don’t know that they are the good guys, Willow says, worried.

No. They know. They have to. Right? They know who the good guys are, Buffy tries to convince herself and the others.