Swell

Plot

Tokyo, downtown:

The Tokyo squad under Satsu’s command is investigating an “accident”. A bus has been attacked by something. Satsu stands on the wreckage of the bus and translates what a man is shouting: it was a monster, a damn big monster.

How big, one of her Slayers wants to know.

Satsu gets word that the target has been found, heading north-northeast.

Satsu orders them to drive it away from the people and towards the bridge.

The order gets through, then all Satsu hears is an “oof”.

Satsu and the other Slayer jump off the bus. The Slayer is to check on Ayumi – and tell her to duck next time. Meanwhile Satsu will take care of the usual: blood and screaming.

Tokyo, the bridge:

Satsu has found the monster, which is carrying a strange bag. She chases it over the steel cables of the bridge, thinking “oh crap” the whole time. She manages to cut off the monster’s arm holding the bag, but is then hit by the demon’s tail.

The monster is struck by an electric discharge. When Satsu looks in that direction she sees Kennedy, weapon in hand, just landing with a parachute.

Did Satsu see the tail on that thing? Man, she really should duck next time, Kennedy advises her.

Satsu wants to know what Kennedy is doing here.

She was in the neighbourhood. So she thought she would drop by and give this thing an electric shock.

Buffy sent Kennedy, right?

Kennedy reminds her that it has been barely two minutes since she was promoted to squad leader. A performance review is standard; especially since her report on the incident in Korea was rather vague.

If Buffy wants to check up on her butt, she should damn well do it herself, Satsu says angrily – it would not be the first time.

She should not act like a brat, Kennedy scolds (calling her something like “sweetie”). This is her job, and she does not like amateurs interfering.

Bickering, the two of them do not even notice that the monster has recovered from the electric shock – until it growls behind them.

Satsu kicks the demon with all her strength, so that it flies off the bridge and far beyond, splashing into the water. Then she resumes the discussion with Kennedy.

So Buffy sends the other lesbian Slayer, of all people, to check on Satsu… and then she yells at her?

Kennedy explains to Satsu that Buffy did not send her; she volunteered.

Because she is a lesbian, Satsu insists.

Because Kennedy wanted Satsu to know that she is not the first fool to end up in bed with a straight girl.

It was not like that, Satsu defends herself – it was true love. As she says it she crouches next to the demon’s severed arm and frees the bag from its claws.

Yeah, yeah, they all know the story: Satsu’s kiss broke the mystical coma. But Sleeping Beauty was not a lesbian, and neither is Buffy. Even if she may have taken a short trip to that side of the river.

It was more than a short trip; it was… a long excursion, and intense…

She gets it, it was great, Kennedy interrupts, annoyed. Time for Satsu to face reality. She is a lesbian, Buffy is not. So Kennedy suggests that Satsu finally throw away the cinnamon lip gloss she wore with Buffy and kiss someone who can give her their heart and not just their body.

But Satsu really likes cinnamon, she says dreamily.

Yeah, great, but there are so many other flavours out there. Maybe it is time she tried a new one. And that ends the coddling. She was sent here because of something evil. So why don’t they start with the obvious question: what is in the bag?

Kennedy and Satsu open the bag that the demon left behind – involuntarily, along with its whole arm – and stare into it in disbelief.

Tokyo, Slayer headquarters:

The Slayers simply cannot believe what the two of them found in the bag – a little plush vampire kitty!

One of the girls has researched it. It is “the new, happy kitty version”. Pre-orders are already off the charts. But they are not supposed to go on sale until next week. This must be some kind of prototype…

Satsu is outraged, because vampires are not cute or cuddly – and a kitten? Please!

Well, ever since Harmony’s idiotic reality show went on the air, everyone has been obsessed with fangs and bumpy foreheads, Kennedy explains with a sigh. People are swallowing the crap, figuratively speaking – in huge numbers.

But why would a four-armed what-do-you-even-call-it steal a vampire kitty?

The demon’s lair:

The Slayer bitch took the bait, the creature reports to an emaciated-looking man with red eyes.

… and his hand, his beautiful fourth hand!

Gunyarr-san has done good work and shall now receive his reward, the man explains… in the form of a quick death.

Behind the emaciated man a huge shadow appears, also with red eyes.

The demon Gunyarr looks at the other monster in fright and only manages to say “crap”.

Slayer headquarters, at night:

The little plush vampire kitty moves, climbs down and scurries through the building.

In one of the rooms the Slayer Ayumi and another girl are talking about how taking cover is just as important as hitting. The more often Ayumi takes cover, the less often she gets hit, Slayer #2 wisely advises her. Ayumi defends herself – after all, that thing had four arms, and she dodged the first three!

The plush vampire kitty runs on until it reaches Satsu’s room. There it climbs onto the bed and stands next to the sleeping Slayer’s head with glowing red eyes.

Slayer headquarters, the next morning:

Kennedy yawns. She needs coffee – and she hopes it is better than the beds here. Then her eyes fall on a beaming Satsu in a kimono.

What the hell is she wearing?!

It is called a furisode. Girls wear one to show that they are single and ready to marry. Her parents bought it for her before she crushed them with her homosexuality. Ah, they were so right; this whole kissing-girls thing, ugh. Girls should kiss boys and have babies. Mmm, babies – they should have some like normal girls, instead of running around hitting people all the time. She means, why do Slayers have to be so aggro? All this hacking and staking! They should really be ashamed of bringing so much harm to the world!

Kennedy stares at Satsu open-mouthed, then grabs her. She has no idea what geisha spirit has got into Satsu, but maybe they should take her to the local witch and…

Satsu hits Kennedy hard in the face. She should take her dirty paws off her! She has Kennedy by the throat when a few other Slayers come in.

Hey, they should just… hey, they try to calm Satsu down.

Unmoved, she continues her little anti-Slayer speech. They are just a bunch of self-righteous little ovaries. They march around playing soldier and deciding who is good and who is evil. They are the evil ones. And they will get what they deser…

Kennedy has had enough. She kicks Satsu in the face.

Satsu’s eyes turn black and glow red. Is that the best she has got (she uses a rather unfriendly word for Kennedy here)?

Without a word, Kennedy kicks Satsu in the stomach.

Satsu doubles over and throws up the next moment – spitting out the vampire kitty.

The Slayers watch in horror. The plush vampire kitty cries out that it has been discovered. Its “brothers” should do the same and fight the beast from within. Then it jumps into one of the Slayers’ hair. She shrieks for them to get it off her!

One of the girls knocks the head off the demonic plush toy.

Satsu has pulled herself together. She asks what just happened – and what the hell is she wearing?

Later, in a helicopter:

Satsu’s stomach does not like the daring flight manoeuvres at all. Sorry, is all the pilot says.

Kennedy thinks Satsu should have stayed home.

Screw that, Satsu replies (and has pulled out the cinnamon lip gloss again). A whole bottle of mouthwash and she can still taste the furry little bastard, she says. She wants to hit something – hard.

The helicopter stops over the Santorio Corp. building, the company that makes the vampire kitties. Some of the Slayers rappel down. Inside they find the employees – dead and dried out.

Satsu should be glad Kennedy kicked the critter out of her before it could drain her, Kennedy remarks.

Thanks; and ow, again, Satsu replies.

Satsu orders a Slayer named Malita to get on one of the computer terminals. That plushy bastard shouted something about “its brothers” – she is to find out where they are.

The entire stock was loaded an hour ago and is being shipped worldwide, Malita finds out.

Malita is to download a complete cargo list. Satsu will then notify all the Slayer squads within reach.

Oh God, says Malita as she reads on; half a million of the vampire kitties are on a ship bound for Scotland.

Scotland, Kennedy asks, alarmed. Then she realises that this is why the creature had nested inside Satsu: it wanted to find out where their main base is.

Satsu looks frightened as she realises what that means: they are after Buffy.

The freighter Daikaiju:

The crew is under the influence of the plush demons – their eyes glow and they are already being drained from the inside.

Kennedy and Satsu have sneaked on board. Satsu checks something in her backpack. Kennedy asks whether it is enough.

Well, if not, they try plan B, Satsu replies.

And what is plan B, Kennedy wants to know.

The same as plan A; they die, says a voice. A crew member is standing behind them.

Kennedy kicks the man, who is so dried out that he practically crumbles into a cloud of dust. One of the plush demons jumps out of him and runs off.

Slayers, the creature shrieks, and calls on its brothers to attack and devour their damned egg cells.

The plush demons burst violently out of all the crew members and storm towards the two Slayers in a horde.

Kennedy kicks and punches at the demons. Satsu defends herself with a sword.

One of the plush demons tries to crawl into Kennedy’s mouth before Satsu cuts off its head with a sword and slices open another of the creatures.

Its death is meaningless, the wounded creature calls to the “Slayer scum”. Nothing can stop the Surge.

The what, Satsu calls to Kennedy.

Then a giant demon bursts out of the cargo hold straight through the deck (looking exactly like the little vampire kitties), made up of countless little plush toys. Kennedy and Satsu are knocked off their feet.

They are the Surge, they are Legion! And this Slayer plague will be washed away in a sea of blood. Twilight has commanded it, hail Twilight.

Twilight, Kennedy repeats. Looks like a whole horde of stuffed assholes is working for this henchman, Satsu puts it together out loud as she rummages in her backpack.

The demon announces that they will crush them for this insolence!

Satsu lights a flare/Roman candle.

The demon laughs at it. Does she really think her little light can stand against the Surge?

Uhm, the giant-stuffed-critter monster has a point, Kennedy thinks.

Satsu throws the Roman candle. He/it should not worry about the light. If she were it, she would worry about… the fire.

Some Slayers in a submarine see the flare shoot up and, on the order to fire, launch two torpedoes.

Satsu and Kennedy jump overboard just before the torpedoes hit and the ship explodes.

What the hell was that, Kennedy wants to know as the two of them float in the water.

Plan B, Satsu explains with a broad grin.

The submarine surfaces beside them.

They have a submarine, Kennedy asks, completely stunned.

A horde of vampires stole it from the Koreans and they took it from the vampires, is all Satsu says.

She could have mentioned that in her report, Kennedy thinks.

She would have, after she had played with it enough, Satsu answers.

Kennedy beams, because she can totally relate.

Later, Slayer headquarters:

Satsu and Kennedy have contacted Buffy.

Buffy explains that the entire shipments of vampire kitties have been destroyed, as well as the factory where they were made; but…

There is a “but”, Satsu wonders.

These days there are lots of “buts” in everything the Slayers have to do with, Xander puts in – and maybe he should not have mentioned that, he explains without pausing for breath. How about a little TV for the kids, Xander asks…

Then Satsu and her girls see Harmony appearing on Larry King. Harmony is introduced as a reality-show host and advocate for vampire rights.

Harmony sadly recounts that these Slayers chopped up and burned millions of cuddly plush kitties. And why? Just because they had little fangs. They hate them so much that they are killing toys now!

That is simply despicable, Larry King replies sympathetically.

Cuddly plush kitties that crawl down people’s throats, Satsu fumes. Then she wants to know why nobody has taken Blondie out yet.

Because the last thing they need right now is to make Harmony a martyr. Everyone thinks they are the bad guys, Buffy explains. And they will prove the opposite. But until then they have to hold back – go underground, more or less.

Is it really that bad, Satsu wants to know.

They are hated and feared, more than the bloodsucking undead. And Twilight just tried to kill them with an army of plush toys. So, yes, it is that bad, Buffy replies. They have to stop being whatever they were and focus. They have to be more than human – or those who are not will win. Satsu is to keep the submarine ready; Buffy thinks they are going to need it.

With that the connection to headquarters ends.

Kennedy puts a hand on Satsu’s shoulder. That was not the “Hey, guess what? You’ve convinced me to be a lesbian” speech she had hoped for, huh?

Satsu looks once more at the dark screen, then throws the cinnamon lip gloss into a waste basket.

They should go shopping, she says to Kennedy.

Shopping?

Buffy is right. The world is falling apart. Time to stop being who they were and find a new flavour, Satsu explains, halfway out the door.