Riley Hey Buffy.Buffy Is there something you want to tell me?Riley What? (Buffy looks towards the banner. Riley does the same, catching on)Riley Oh, yes, I am a lesbian.Buffy Well, it's good that you're so open about it.
Riley Oh, hey, you know how we were talking about having a picnic? I was thinkin' ... do you ever hang out at Rhode's field? It's beautiful there. Usually not that crowded, either. I thought maybe we could have a little spread ... sandwiches, maybe some ants? It'll be fun.Buffy We were talking about having a picnic?Riley So, was that a conversation I actually had, or one I was just practicing?Buffy Practicing?Riley Okay, yes ... I have been known to do a little prep work before our conversations. It's not easy, you know, talking to you sometimes. It's like an oral exam.Buffy Boy.. that's just what every girl longs to hear.Riley Well, you're tricky!Buffy Like an exam?Riley I never know how you're going to react to something. That's why I like you so much. You're a mystery. Probably every beautiful girl in the world has some jerk telling her she's a mystery, but.. I swear. You really are. There's a lot about you that needs puzzling out.Riley I loose you somewhere?Buffy Right around.. beautiful.
Buffy It's just, different, you know? A picnic. First of all, daylight ... kind of a new venue, Buffywise. And the best part ... he said he would bring all the food, so all I have to do was to show up and eat. Those are two things I'm really good at.Willow So he's nice?Buffy Very, very.Willow And there's sparkage?Buffy Yeah. He's ... have you seen his arms? Those are good arms to have. I really like him. I do.Willow But..?Buffy I don't know. I really like being around him, you know? And I think he cares about me.. but.. I just.. feel like something's missing.Willow He's not making you miserable?Buffy Exactly. Riley seems so solid. Like he wouldn't cause me heartache.Willow Get out. Get out while there's still time.Buffy I know.. I have to get away from that bad boy thing. There's no good there. Seeing Angel in LA.. even for five minutes.. hello to the pain.Willow The pain is not a friend.
Buffy So..you saw their faces but you can't describe them.Spike Well, they were human. Two eyes each, kind of in the middle.Buffy Uh huh. And the lab?Spike Underground. I came out through an air vent. I don't know exactly where. I'm done. Put the telly on.
Spike I don't know why you're so dainty all of a sudden. You've done this for Angel ... you must have. Hey! Give it!Buffy Okay, that's it. The invalid amnesiac routine is over. The kitchen is closed until you can tell me something useful about the commandos.
Spike I'm tryin' to remember. It was very traumatic.Buffy How long are you going to pull this crap?Spike How long am I going to live once I tell you?
Giles Look, look, Spike ... we have no intention of killing a harmless.. uh, creature.. but we have to know what's been done to you. We can't let you go until we're sure that you're .. impotent ...Spike Hey!Giles Sorry, poor choice of words. Until we're sure you're, you're..Buffy Flaccid?Spike You are one step away, missy.Buffy (Sarcastically) Giles, help! He's going to scold me.
Buffy“Giles, help! He's going to scold me. ”
Buffy Oh look at my.. poor neck? All bare and tender and exposed.. all that blood just .. pumping away..Giles Oh, please.Spike Giles, make her stop.
Giles If those two don't kill each other, I might lend a hand.Willow What about a truth spell? I'm not positive it would work on a vampire, but we could try. Make him fess up?Giles A truth spell, of course. Why didn't I think of that?Willow 'Cause you had your hands full with the undead English Patient?
Giles She seems to be coping better with Oz's departure, don't you think?Buffy She still has a way to go, but yeah ... I think she's dealing.Spike What, are you people blind? She's hangin' on by a thread. Any ninny can see that.
Spike“Come on, now! It's telly time! ”
Spike "Passions" is on! Timmy's down the bloody well, and if you make me miss it, I'll...Giles You'll do what? Lick me to death?
Xander You mean Oz just sent for his stuff and didn't even call her? That's pretty harsh.Anya I only wish I had my powers back. I'd liquify his entrails for her.Xander That's sweet. God, poor Will. No wonder she's...having a wonderful time.
Xander It's nice to see you brought your boogie shoes tonight, Will.Willow Yeah.. I-I know I've been sort of a party-poop lately, so I said to myself, "Self!" I said, "It's time to shake it and shimmy it off."Buffy Sounds like a good policy.Willow Yeah! And it works, too. You know, I figure, in the grand scheme of things, we're all just...Buffy Drunk..?
Willow Drunk.. I mean, that's such a-a strong word. Kind of a guttural Anglo-Saxon word. Drunk.Xander Will, not loving the drowning of the sorrows.Willow Not drowning ... wading. A-a-and.. See? Light. No big.Buffy No big? Anyone remember when Buffy had the fun beer-fest and went one-million years B.C.?Xander Sadly without the fuzzy bikini..Anya Off topic, Xander.Xander Right. Topic now.
Xander Will, how about you give me that beer?Willow No! Why should I? I've got pain, here ... big-time legitimate pain.Xander We all have pain, Will.Willow Oh, like what? "Oh, poor me.. I live in a basement." Yeah, that's dire.
Willow“Harken all ye elements, I summon thee now. Control the outside, control within. Land and sea, fire and wind. Out of my passions, a web be spun. From this eve forth, my will be done. So mote it be. ”
Spike I won't have you doin' mojo on me if you can't read properly. You might turn me into a stink beetle or what all.Giles T'would be a generous ending for you, Spike.
Willow I am a bad witch.Buffy No, you're a good witch.
Buffy Thought that was gonna take longer.Spike Me too. Musta got.. turned around..
Spike Get off!Buffy Okay, that's it... I'm gonna gag you.
Buffy One more word out of you, and I swear..Spike Swear, what? You're not gonna do anything to me. You don't got the stones.Buffy Oh, I got the stones. I got a whole bunch of .. stones.Spike Yeah? You're all talk.Buffy GILES! I accidentally killed Spike. That's okay, right?Giles Uh..uh..um.. Just a minute..
Spike I get this spell reversed, they'll be finding your body for weeks.Buffy Oh, make a move ... please. I'm dying for a good slay.
Willow Spike's more important than me. I get it.Xander Buffy's gotta find out what's up with those commandos. Right now she needs Spike.Willow Well, fine. Why doesn't so just go marry him?
Buffy It's just so sudden. I don't know what to say.Spike Just say yes, and make me the happiest man on earth.Buffy Oh, Spike! Of course it's yes!
Willow Yeah, 'cause most relationships are great and trouble-free. I don't think so. I think we're all doomed to badness.Xander We're not doomed.Willow Oh, yeah? Let's-let's look at your bio. Insect Lady, Mummy Girl, Anya.. You're a demon magnet.Xander I was just trying to help.
Willow“You're a demon magnet. ”
Buffy“Here you go .. 98.6. (They kiss) ”
Buffy There's so much to decide. Ceremony, guests, reception..Spike Well, first thing I'd say, we're not having a church wedding.Buffy How 'bout a daytime ceremony. In the park.Spike Fabulous. Enjoy your honeymoon with the big pile of dust.Buffy Under the trees. Indirect sunlight, only.Spike Warm spring breeze tosses the leaves aside, and again ... you're registering as Mr and Mrs Big-Pile-of-Dust.Buffy Stop it! This is our wedding and you're treating it like a big joke!Spike Oh, pouty! Look at that lip.. gonna get it.. gonna get it..Buffy Oh.. stop..Giles Yes, please stop.
Spike“Oh, pouty! Look at that lip.. gonna get it.. gonna get it.. ”
Buffy Giles, did you see my ring?Giles Thankfully, not very well.
Buffy I'm not crazy, and I know that you probably don't approve, and my father's not that far away, I mean, he could... but this day is about family ... my real family ... and I would like you to be the one to give me away.Giles Oh, Buffy! That's.. that's so.. Oh! For God's sake! This is nonsense. Something is making you act this way. Don't you realize what you're doing?Buffy Living a dream.
Buffy But you guys weren't crazy about Angel at first, either.Spike You weren't gonna say that name.Buffy Sorry. Why don't we talk about where we're going to register.Spike Well, where would Angel like to register? And can we have the photographer Angel would've wanted? And, flowers Angel would have liked?Buffy Hey! You think I don't live with the shadow of Drusilla over my head? That I'm not wondering if you're going to be thinking of her on our honeymoon when you're making.. sweet love to me..?
Giles Are you.. helping me?Spike Well, it's almost like you're my father-in-law, isn't?
Xander Shush, I thought she'd never clear out. Besides, just think of my lips as, the fruit roll-ups of love. Okay, that was gross. I'm a little distracted. Willow was really upset. I shouldn't have let her go away mad. (Regaining focus).Anya We just got rid of your mom. Let's not bring Willow into this. It's time for just the two of us.
Buffy“Duh dum, da-da.. Duh dum, da-da, duh dum da da dum da da dum da da.. ”
Giles“Stop that right now! I can hear the smacking. ”
Buffy Honey, we need to talk about the invitations. Now, do you wanna be William the Bloody, or just Spike? 'Cause, either way, it's gonna look majorly weird.Spike Where as the name Buffy gives it that touch of classic elegance.Buffy What's wrong with Buffy?Giles Huh.. such a good question.Spike Well, it's a terrible name.Buffy My mother gave me that name.Spike Your mother, yeah, she's a genius.Buffy Don't you start in on my mother.
Xander Spike! He's all untied! Which you probably noticed..Buffy Xander, calm down, okay? If you lost them, that'll give us some time to figure this out. Maybe the demons have something to do with Giles being blind.Anya Giles is blind?Giles Stop whatever you're doing. You smell like fruit roll-ups.Spike This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am deeply shamed.
Spike“This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am deeply shamed. ”
Buffy Spike and I are getting married!Xander How? What? How?Giles Three excellent questions.
Spike What are you lookin' at?Buffy The man I love.Xander Can I be blind, too?
Buffy She did a spell.Giles Yes.. to have her will done. Whatever she says is coming true.Buffy And you both were effected. I probably only escaped because I'm the Slayer. Some kind of natural immunity.Xander Yeah. Right. You're marrying Spike because you're so right for each other.
Anya I'd been dumped, I was miserable, doing a few vengeance spells ... boils on the penis, nothing fancy.Xander Please skip ahead.Anya Ta'hoffren got wind of me, he offered to elevate me.Buffy Meaning?Anya He made me a demon.
Buffy You think you have to protect me?Spike Oh, not with the Girl-Power bit!
Willow“Really.. no offense intended.. I mean, you've been super-nice and everything, but.. I don't want to be a demon. I just wanna go back and help my friends. ”
Buffy Oh, ugh..Spike Oh, bloody hell!Buffy Spike lips! Lips of Spike!
Willow Eat a cookie; ease my pain?Buffy Mm. Better?Willow Well, baking lifts about 30% of my guilt, but only 7% of my inner turmoil. Guess that'll just take awhile.
Spike Don't I get a cookie?Buffy No.Spike Well, I gotta have something. I still have Buffy taste in my mouth.Buffy You're a pig, Spike.
Spike“I still have Buffy taste in my mouth. ”
Spike Well I'm not the one who wanted, "Wind Beneath My Wings" for the first dance.Buffy That was the spell.
Riley Hey Buffy.Buffy Is there something you want to tell me?Riley What? (Buffy looks towards the banner. Riley does the same, catching on)Riley Oh, yes, I am a lesbian.Buffy Well, it's good that you're so open about it.
Buffy It's just, different, you know? A picnic. First of all, daylight ... kind of a new venue, Buffywise. And the best part ... he said he would bring all the food, so all I have to do was to show up and eat. Those are two things I'm really good at.Willow So he's nice?Buffy Very, very.Willow And there's sparkage?Buffy Yeah. He's ... have you seen his arms? Those are good arms to have. I really like him. I do.Willow But..?Buffy I don't know. I really like being around him, you know? And I think he cares about me.. but.. I just.. feel like something's missing.Willow He's not making you miserable?Buffy Exactly. Riley seems so solid. Like he wouldn't cause me heartache.Willow Get out. Get out while there's still time.Buffy I know.. I have to get away from that bad boy thing. There's no good there. Seeing Angel in LA.. even for five minutes.. hello to the pain.Willow The pain is not a friend.
Spike I don't know why you're so dainty all of a sudden. You've done this for Angel ... you must have. Hey! Give it!Buffy Okay, that's it. The invalid amnesiac routine is over. The kitchen is closed until you can tell me something useful about the commandos.
Giles Look, look, Spike ... we have no intention of killing a harmless.. uh, creature.. but we have to know what's been done to you. We can't let you go until we're sure that you're .. impotent ...Spike Hey!Giles Sorry, poor choice of words. Until we're sure you're, you're..Buffy Flaccid?Spike You are one step away, missy.Buffy (Sarcastically) Giles, help! He's going to scold me.
Xander You mean Oz just sent for his stuff and didn't even call her? That's pretty harsh.Anya I only wish I had my powers back. I'd liquify his entrails for her.Xander That's sweet. God, poor Will. No wonder she's...having a wonderful time.
Willow Drunk.. I mean, that's such a-a strong word. Kind of a guttural Anglo-Saxon word. Drunk.Xander Will, not loving the drowning of the sorrows.Willow Not drowning ... wading. A-a-and.. See? Light. No big.Buffy No big? Anyone remember when Buffy had the fun beer-fest and went one-million years B.C.?Xander Sadly without the fuzzy bikini..Anya Off topic, Xander.Xander Right. Topic now.
Anya I'd been dumped, I was miserable, doing a few vengeance spells ... boils on the penis, nothing fancy.Xander Please skip ahead.Anya Ta'hoffren got wind of me, he offered to elevate me.Buffy Meaning?Anya He made me a demon.