Buffy 1x04: Teacher's Pet – Sounds

Sounds (87 quotes to listen to)

Xander You alright?Buffy Thanks to you! You hurt your hand! Will you still be able to...Xander ...finish my solo and kiss you like you've never been kissed before?
Buffy“Xander! You've got a little ..”
Buffy Ways that ants communicate.Dr. Gregory (nodding his head) Mm.Buffy With other ants.Dr. Gregory From the homework. Ants are communicating...Buffy (sees Willow's signals) Um, uh, uh... Touch...Dr. Gregory Mm-hm.Buffy And, um... B.O.?
Dr Gregory“That would be touch and smell Miss Summers. Is there anything else Miss Rosenberg would like to tell you?”
Dr Gregory I gather you had a few problems at your last school.Buffy Well what teenager doesn't?Dr Gregory Cut school - get in fights - burn down the gymnasium?
Buffy“Destructo Girl, that's me.”
Buffy“You mean great in a bad way?”
Dr Gregory Imagine what you could accomplish if you actually did the ..Buffy Homework thing.Dr Gregory Homework thing.
Buffy Sorry.Dr Gregory Don't be sorry. Be smart.
Dr Gregory“And please don't listen to the Principal or anyone else's negative opinion about you. Let's make them eat your permanent record.”
Blayne Girls really gotta' have something to go with me.Xander Something like a lobotomy?
Blayne Xand. How many times have you scored?Xander Well...Blayne It's just a question.Xander Are we talking today or the whole week?
Xander“Ooh. Duty calls.”
Buffy What are you doing?Xander Work with me here. Blayne had the nerve to question my manliness. I'm just going to give him a visual.Willow We'll show him!
Xander Who's that?Willow That must be Angel. I think.Xander That weird guy who warned us about all the vampires?Willow That's him. I bet you.
Xander Well - he's buff. She never said anything about him being buff.Willow You think he's buff?Xander He's a very attractive man. How come that never came up?
Buffy“I'd say it was nice to see you - but then we'd both know that's a big fib!”
Buffy“No - you'll just give me a cryptic warning about some new catastrophe and then just disappear into the night.”
Xander“Right - give her your jacket. It's a balmy night - no need to be trading clothing out there!”
Buffy What happened?Angel I didn't pay attention.Buffy To somebody with a big fork?Angel He's coming.Buffy The Fork Guy?Angel Don't let him corner you. Don't give him a moment's mercy. He'll rip your throat out.Buffy Okay, I'll give you improved marks for that one. Ripping a throat out, it's a strong visual, it's not cryptic!
Buffy“Sweet dreams to you too.”
Giles That's all he said. Fork guy.Buffy That's all Cryptic Guy said. Fork Guy.Giles I think there are too many guys in your life!
Giles God - every day here is the same.Buffy Right - sunny - beautiful. However can we escape this torment!
Xander“Well let me think - the cheerleaders were modelling their new short skirts - I kind of got - - yeah yeah they said missing.”
Buffy“He's one of the only teachers who doesn't think Buffy's a felon!”
Xander“I, uh, huh... Uh, huh... huh...”
Miss French Could you help me?Xander Uuuuuuhhhhhh... Yes!Miss French I'm looking for Science... 109. Xander: Oh! It's, um... I go there every day! Oh, God, where is it?
Xander“It's funny how the earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to.”
Miss French They just call and tell me where they want me.Blayne I'll tell you where I want you.
Buffy“The words butt ugly kind of spring to mind.”
Miss French We should make some model egg sacs for the science fair. Who would like to help me do that after school?All males [hands up!]
Buffy Hotdog surprise. Be still my beating heart!Willow Call me old fashioned - but I don't want any more surprises in my hot dogs!
Xander You two are probably a little young to understand what an older woman would see in a younger man.Buffy Oh, I understand.Xander Good!Buffy The younger man is too dumb to wonder why an older woman can't find someone her own age, and too desperate to care about the surgical improvements!
Cornelia“Medical prescribed lunch. My Doctor ships it daily. I'll only be here as long as I can hold my breath [opens fridge door] Age!”
Xander“I've never seen .. I mean .. I've never seen anything like .. That was new.”
Willow Who would want to hurt Dr. Gregory?Giles Uh, he didn't have any enemies on the staff that I'm aware of. He was a civilised man. I liked him.Buffy So did I.
Xander This is a question that no one particularly wants to hear, but...where did they put his head?Willow Good point. I didn't want to hear that.
Buffy Fork guy doesn't do heads?Giles Not historically.
Xander“So there's something else out there - besides silverware man?!”
Xander“Oh - this is fun. We're on Monster Island!”
Buffy“We're on a hellmouth - the centre of mystical convergence.”
Buffy“Yes I lied. I'm a bad person - let's move on!”
Buffy You know Miss French the teacher that's subbing for Dr Gregory?Giles Yes, she's lovely ... in a common, extremely well-proportioned way.
Buffy Well, I'm chasing Claw Guy last night, and Miss Well Proportioned is heading home. The Claw Guy takes one look at her and runs screaming for cover.Giles He what? Ran away?Buffy He was petrified.Giles Of Miss French?Buffy Uh, huh!
Buffy So I'm a undead monster that can shave with my hand. How many things are I am afraid of?Giles Not many. And not substitute teachers as rule.
Mr. Flutie You were there. You saw Dr. Gregory, didn't you?Buffy Um, you mean yesterday in the cafeteria when we found him...Mr. Flutie Don't say dead! Or decapitated, or decomposing, I'd stay away from D-words altogether. But you witnessed the event, so this way, please.Buffy Well, no, I'm gonna be late for biology...Mr. Flutie Extremely late! You have to see a counsellor. Everyone who saw the body has to see a crisis counsellor.Buffy But I really don't need...Mr. Flutie We all need help with our feelings. Otherwise we bottle them up, and before you know it, powerful laxatives are involved. I really believe if we all reach out to one another we can beat this thing. I'm always here if you need a hug, but not a real hug! Because there's no touching, this school is sensitive to wrong touching.Buffy But, I really, really don't...Mr. Flutie No, you have to talk to a counsellor and start the healing. You have to heal.Buffy But Mr. Flutie, I...Mr. Flutie Heal!
Cordelia“Let's just say I haven't been able to eat a thing since yesterday. I think I lost like seven and half ounces!”
Cordelia“Oh, I'm not saying that we should kill a teacher every day just so I can lose weight, I'm just saying when tragedy strikes, we have to look on the bright side. You know? Like, how even used Mercedes still have leather seats!”
Miss French“I think you meant Polynesian for number 14.”
Buffy No - I'm not saying she craned her neck. We're talking full-on Exorcist twist.Willow Ouch!
Willow“Inquiring minds wanna know.”
Giles What are you going to do?Buffy My homework!
Buffy“Where are the books on bugs?”
Xander“Forgiveness is my middle name. Well actually, it's Lavelle and I'd appreciate it if you'd guard that secret with your life!”
Miss French I don't suppose you'd like to come to my place tonight to work on it there?Xander Come to, uh... your place? [He flashes to his guitar solo for a moment.]Miss French 7:30? Here's my address.
Willow Well Miss French is kind of big .. For a bug.Giles And she is by and large - woman shaped.
Buffy Factoid 1: Only the praying mantis can rotate its head like that. Factoid 2: A pretty whacked-out vampire is scared to death of her. Factoid 3: Her fashion sense screams predator.Willow It's the shoulder pads.Buffy Exactly.
Giles I had a chum at Oxford. Carlyle. Advanced degrees in Entomology and Mythology.Buffy Enterm who?Giles Bugs and Fairy stories.Buffy I knew that!
Willow“He's got a crush on a giant insect!”
Giles Um, this computer invasion that Willow's performing on the coroner's office, one, one assumes it is entirely legal? [Willow and Buffy answer simultaneously]Willow Entirely!Buffy Of course!Giles Right. Wasn't here, didn't see it, couldn't have stopped you.Buffy Good idea.
Buffy Xander she's not what she seems.Xander I know - she's so much more!
Xander“And while we're on the subject. What kind of girly name is Angel anyway?”
Miss French Should I change? Is this too ..Xander No - no. It's the most beautiful chest .. Dress that I've ever seen!
Xander“Hello!!”
Miss French Have you ever been with a woman before?Xander You mean like in the same room?Miss French You know what I mean!
Xander“Well needs should.. You know .. Needs should definitely be met .. As long as it doesn't require ointment the next day or...”
Xander“Buffy. I love Buffy.”
Giles“Frankly, madam, I haven't the faintest idea what time it is, nor do I care. Now unlock his cell, unstrap him, and bring him to the telephone immediately. This is a matter of life and death!”
Willow“Got it. Coroner's report, complete with--yuck--colour pictures.”
Willow OK. I don't like this..Buffy It's how they feed. Head first. It's also the way they mate - the female bites of the males head while they're ..
Willow No no no. See - Xander is - I like his head - it's where you find his eyes and his hair - and his adorable smile.Buffy Hey hey. Take it easy Will.
Giles“I understand, Carlyle. Yes, I'll take every precaution. Absolutely. It sounds exactly like the creature you describe. You were right all along about everything. Well, no, you weren't right about your mother coming back as a Pekinese, but--uh, try to rest, old man. Yes. Ta. Bye now.”
Giles Uh, he calls her a She-Mantis. This type of creature, the Kleptes-Virgo, or, or virgin-thief, appears in, in many cultures. The Greek sirens, the Celtic sea maidens, who, who tore the living flesh from the bones of, um...Buffy Giles, while we're young!
Giles Well basically - the She-Mantis assumes the form of a beautiful woman and then lures innocent virgins back to her nest.Buffy Virgins?
Buffy Well Xander's not .. A .. um .. I mean he's probably ..Willow Gonna die!
Buffy“Slice and dice.”
Buffy Well, your buddy Carlyle faced it, and he's still around.Giles Yes, in a straightjacket, howling his innards out day and night.Buffy Okay, Admiral, way to inspire the troops.Giles Sorry.
Buffy And you need to record bat sonar, and fast!Giles Bat sonar, right. What?Buffy Bats eat them. The mantis hears sonar, its entire nervous system goes kaplooey.Giles Where am I gonna find the...Buffy In the vid library. There're no books, but it's dark and musty, you'll feel right at home, go!
Willow According to Miss French's personnel records, she was born in 1907. She's like, ninety years old.Giles And yet extremely well-preserved!
Buffy You do your homework, you learn stuff. Like what happen your nervous system when you hear this!Tape ...extremely important to file not simply alphabetically...Buffy Giles!Giles I-it's the wrong side!
Buffy“Bat sonar. Makes your whole nervous system go to hell. You can go there with it!”
Xander“Just for the record, you were right. I'm an idiot, and God bless you!”
Willow It's so unfair how she only went after virgins.Xander What?
Willow“I mean here you guys are doing the right thing - the smart thing - when a lot of other boys your age ..”
Xander“Well - isn't this a perfect ending to a wonderful day!”
Willow“I don't think it's bad - I think it's sweet. Certainly nothing I'll ever bring up again.”
Buffy Anyway - you can have your jacket back.Angel Looks better on you!