There’s no Place like Plrtz Glrb

Plot

Cordelia is weeping over Lorne’s severed head and saying aloud that it’s all her fault and she wants to go home. Lorne opens his eyes and says: “Oh honey. I’m right there with ya’.” She stumbles back in shock covering her mouth as she gasps.

Cordelia screams as Lorne tries to explain that his body has to be mutilated before his people can die and she needs to take his head to the mutilation chamber. She doesn’t hear a word he says over her screams. Two servants enter to see if she is ok as they heard her shrieking. She gives them the flimsy excuse that it’s part of the royal meditation. Markallo tells the other servant to “remove the filthy head from our august lady’s presence,” and Cordelia tells them to leave it so she can continue to defile it. She turns and spits on Lorne’s head and excuses the servants. She apologizes to Lorne and wipes the spittle from his forehead. He stresses that she needs to take him to the mutilation chamber immediately, but she protests that she doesn’t know where it is.

Silas asks Markallo “in what temper” he found Cordelia. Markallo tells him that “she appeared grievously distressed,” which pleases Silas. Silas orders a hunting party to be sent to capture Gunn and Wesley and kill Angel. The captain says he will bury his sword in Angel’s rump and Silas tells him that Angel’s heart is in his chest where a cow’s heart is. The captain is disgusted by the information and leaves. Silas turns to Markallo and accuses him of betrayal for giving the enemy drawings to the Covenant’s sacred devices. He uses a small silver remote device to send a signal to Markallo’s collar. Markallo’s eyes widen and his head explodes. His body falls to the floor. An emotionless Silas asks another slave to clean up the mess. Silas turns looking at the remote control device as he utters words about smiting down a slave who offends him. He pulls the cover from another device that has a jewel encrusted hand in the center. Allowing his hand to hover over the jewels, he says that he will smite them all down if they offend him.

Gunn and Wesley are in stocks with their hands tied behind their backs. The rebel leader begins to pronounce sentence on them and Sasha lists their crimes. As the rebels prepare to behead them, guards on horseback attack the rebel camp. They all fight including Gunn and Wesley even though their heads are in stocks and their hands are still bound.

Fred returns to the cave as Angel is waking. She tells him she found “Kalla berries” to sweeten her version of oatmeal that she’s made from “crug grain and thistle.” They talk about his transformation. She tells him that “we all got our demons,” but that is no consolation to him. He tells her that what happens in Los Angeles is bad, but what happens to him here is much worse. She asks him if the food tastes like oatmeal and he tells her it tastes good. She asks if they still have tacos and he tells her they do.

Marelda enters the throne room and Cordelia asks her to take her to the mutilation chamber. Marelda protests and Cordelia tells her to take off her clothes. Marelda stares at Cordelia and Lorne opens his eyes wide and blinks.

As he stands in the small patch of sunlight coming into the cave through the roof, Angel tells Fred that he’d burst into flames if he did that at home. She tells him it’s better for him in Pylea then. He looks at the writings on the cave walls and recognizes some of them as what they read from the book in Los Angeles. She tells him they aren’t words that “they’re consonant representations of a mathematical transfiguration formula.” She says that she’s tried for years to use them to open a portal and get back home, but it doesn’t work. He tells her it does and she just doesn’t know where they are, but she doesn’t believe him. Suddenly, a guard enters the cave and grabs Fred. Angel fights him as Fred cowers on the floor. The captain enters the cave and joins the fight stabbing Angel. Angel starts to morph into the beast, but stops. The captain stabs him in the chest twice with a wooden spear but misses his heart. Fred walks up quietly behind the captain with a raised boulder and hits him over the head rendering him unconscious. She drops the boulder, rushes over to Angel, and pleads with him: “Don’t die. Please don’t die. Please don’t die,” as she tries to stop the bleeding.

As the fight ends, Sasha throws his sword at a guard fleeing on horseback and kills him. He turns and walks back to Gunn and Wesley and pulls a sword from the dead rebel leader on his way. He asks them why the guards are after them and Wesley tells him it’s because the Covenant knows that he and Gunn will stop the princess from “comshuking” with the groosalug. Bartok offers that the mating “will fulfill their prophesies and consolidate their power.” Sasha frees them and apologizes. Wesley minimizes it by telling Sasha it’s ok because he was only doing his job and Gunn gives Wesley an annoyed glance. They walk off to go find Angel but decide to help the rebels instead.

Fred tends to Angel’s wounds and comments that he heals fast. He tells her that “it’s one of the pluses to being a beast.” She says he’s not a beast and that he didn’t change this time. The captain laughs and Angel starts to pump him for information. Angel threatens him when he won’t talk so he tells Angel that Cordelia will be killed once she’s mated with the groosalug and that they killed Lorne. Angel tells Fred he has to leave to help his friends and she tries to convince him to stay. The captain cuts the ropes that bind his hands and cuts Fred on the shoulder. Angel pushes her to the ground, attacks the captain, and stabs him to death with the knife.

Cordelia enters the mutilation chamber wearing Marelda’s hooded dress and carrying a metal bucket. She drops the bucket once her eyes adjust to the dark and she sees all the mutilated bodies. She picks Lorne’s head up by the hair so he can look for his body and he tells her to move closer. They both see one wearing his suit and he doesn’t understand why he’s still alive. He notices it has 5 toes, so it can’t be his. Cordelia hears someone coming and hides behind a wall. The groosalug enters the chamber and tells her that he switched clothes with that body and had Lorne’s taken to the family farm for safe keeping. She hugs him banging Lorne’s head against him. He tells her that Landok is waiting to transport the head to the farm and she hugs him again and, again, bangs Lorne’s head.

The rebels are planning an attack on the castle when Gunn and Wesley return to their camp. Wesley says they can’t wage a frontal assault and should use guerilla warfare instead since the opponent is stronger than they are. Sasha makes him their leader even though Wesley is reluctant.

Angel bandages Fred’s wound and tells her he has to go. She says that he’s a good man and he leaves the cave. Fred sits on the skins where Angel slept and wraps her arms around her knees as she stares into space. Shortly, he returns and tells her he doesn’t know how to get there. She gets up bounds over to him telling him she can show him.

The groosalug is pacing and concerned that he will “spend an eternity burning in Tarkna” for disobeying the Covenant. Cordelia tells him that he needs to stand up to the Covenant and he says that it’s not his place to question authority. She tells him he’s a champion and that it is. He tells her he’s not worthy of lifting her burden and she wants to know what he means. He explains that her visions will pass to him when they mate and she becomes upset. She says she’s not willing to give up the visions because they are a part of who she is and she uses them to help people. A vision of Angel in beast form fighting the groosalug hits her and she looks at the groosalug in desperation.

Wesley is conveying his plan of attack to the rebels when Angel and Fred sneak up and startle them. Wesley tries to pass the leadership role to Angel but he refuses it. He apologizes to Gunn for attacking him. The rebels spread out to guard the perimeter and a few return with Landok. He explains that he’s transporting Lorne’s head to the family farm and opens the basket to show them. Angel, Fred, Gunn, and Wesley peer into the basket at the head. When Lorne opens his eyes and speaks everyone recoils with fright except Fred.

Gunn approaches Wesley who is sitting under the light of the full moon and tells him that all the men sent in as a diversion will die. Wesley says he’s aware of that but “if you try to save everyone, you end up getting everyone killed.” Wesley assigns the task of challenging and killing the groosalug to Angel. Angel is concerned that he won’t be able turn back to his human form if he becomes the beast again and Wesley tells him that “he’s a man with a demon inside, not the other way around,” and assures him that he can do it. Angel and Fred leave to carrying out the assigned task and Gunn asks Wesley: “You really think he’ll come back?” With his back to Gunn, Wesley answers: “I need him to think it.” Wesley walks away as Gunn stares after him.

The groosalug consoles Cordelia when Silas and two other priests enter the throne room and tell them to mate. Silas is interrupted by another priest who tells him that he will want to see what is happening in the village. They open a window and Angel is approaching the town square carrying the challenge torch as Fred follows him. He challenges the groosalug and Cordelia protests but Silas tells her he must fight. In the corridor outside the throne room, Silas goads the groosalug into fighting Angel by telling him that Angel intends to violate his princess and kill her when he’s done.

The rebels launch their attack on the palace. Gunn scales the wall with two others and Wesley helps use a battering ram against the front door.

The groosalug comes to the town square and extinguishes the challenge torch with his bare hand while giving Angel a menacing stare. They begin fighting and the groosalug seems to have the advantage. Fred yells: “You can’t hold back. You’ll die.” Angel responds: “I’m not holding back. I’m holding on.”

Silas is walking down a corridor when another priest comes running up and tells him the rebels have breached the castle. Gunn, Sasha, and Wesley are coming up another corridor and run after Silas as they hear the other priest speaking to him. They turn a corner and are confronted by guards who engage them in a fight and Silas makes his escape back down the corridor and around the corner. They kill the guards and head after Silas.

Cordelia is pacing in the Covenant’s chambers when Silas and two other priests enter. She begs Silas to stop the groosalug from fighting or he will be killed. Silas punches her in the mouth knocking her to the floor and tells her it is all her fault. He picks her up by the throat and shows her the device that will kill all the slaves. He throws her across the room into a bookcase and she falls to the floor unconscious.

Angel and the groosalug continue fighting and the groosalug is gaining the upper hand. He lassos Angel’s right hand to a wooden post using a leather thong. He punches Angel repeatedly and Angel morphs into the beast. The groosalug comes at him again and Angel restrains him with his free hand.

Cordelia regains consciousness as Silas starts to activate the slave killing device. Gunn, Sasha, and Wesley race into the room and Silas tells them they are a little late. As Silas’ hand hovers over the device, Wesley tells them to stand down and hands his sword to Sasha. He tries to reason with Silas but it does no good. Cordelia beheads Silas with a sword from behind and verifies that the priests stay dead when they loose their heads. She tells them they have to go to the village because the groosalug is “facing a terrible beast. I saw it.” Wesley tells her the beast is Angel.

Angel and the groosalug are on the ground wrestling. Just as Angel is about to kill the groosalug, he morphs back into his human form and tells the groosalug they’ll find another way to settle things because “I’m not an animal.” He helps the groosalug to his feet and the groosalug punches him one last time. Cordelia runs up yelling for them to stop and stands between them with her arms spread out holding them apart from each other. Looking at the groosalug, she says: “I love him.” Angel thinks she means him and she corrects Angel as she runs over and hugs the groosalug.

Angel and Lorne (with his head reattached to his body) prepare to leave the family farm. Lorne tries to smooth things over with his mother but she is not receptive to his attempts. They leave the house and Lorne tells Angel that he finally understands that he had to return to Pylea to realize that he didn’t need to return to Pylea. He tells Angel that Los Angeles is the perfect place for guys like them because nobody belongs there. As they walk down the road, Lorne begins to sing Somewhere Over The Rainbow and two demon men drop to the ground holding their ears and writhing in pain.

Cordelia has Barshon write a proclamation to free the slaves and make all people equal as she holds an axe and threatens to take his head if he doesn’t. She smashes the slave killing machine with it and Fred, Gunn, and Wesley enter carrying the priests’ books to tell her they figured out that they need the books to locate the dimensional hot spots. Barshon protests and claims the books are sacred but acquiesces when Cordelia holds up the axe. She tells the groosalug that he’s in charge of Reconstruction and he asks her what that is. Cordelia asks Gunn if he’d like to explain and Gunn tells the groosalug what it means. Cordelia and the groosalug say their goodbyes and kiss. He places a purple robe around he shoulders and everyone bows to her as she leaves the throne room.

The tables in Caritas start to tremble as the curtain on the stage sways and circles of light appear in front of it. Angel’s car speeds through the portal with everyone yelling and the car stops after crashing through the bar. Angel, Cordelia, and Wesley are in the front seat while Gunn, Lorne, and Fred sit in the back seat. Lorne says he’s “been thinking about remodeling the bar” and asks “Who’s up for a nightcap?” they all get out of the car.

They arrive at the Hyperion and as they walk in the front door Angel says: “There’s no place like…” He stops when he sees Willow sitting on a couch. He says: “Willow?” and Cordelia asks: “What’s…?” Willow stands looking at Angel and he says: “It’s Buffy.”