Xander I'm exhausted just looking at those two. All the splashing and jumping and running... Shouldn't relaxing involve less exertion?Anya Absolutely. Exertion can lead to sweatiness.Tara Which can cause the pain and heartbreak of stinkiness. Better to just stay put.Willow I think we've just put our finger on why we're the sidekicks.
Buffy Where's my burger?Riley Yeah, man, I'm starving. Cow me.Xander The, uh, fire's not cooperating. It's comforting to know that I lack the culinary finesse of a caveman.Willow Ignis incende.Buffy Willow, check you out! Witch-fu.
Willow“It's no big. You just have to balance the elements so when you affect one, you don't wind up causing... I didn't do it! I didn't do it! ”
Willow There you go. All set.Giles Thank you, Willow. Obstinate bloody machine simply refused to work for me.Willow Just call me the computer whisperer.
Giles Willow, um... you mustn't repeat what I'm about to say. Especially not to Buffy.Willow Uh-oh.Giles You promise?Willow Oh, god. Well, I guess. Now that I know there's something to know, I can't *not* know, just because I'm afraid somebody'll know I know, you know?Giles Did that mean yes?Willow Yeah.Giles We're doing all this because I, I want you and the others to have everything you need at your fingertips. You see, I'm, I'm going back to England.Willow You're ... what? But you can't! You're ... Buffy's Watcher! I mean, in a fired way, but...Giles Well, it's become quite obvious that Buffy doesn't need me. I-I don't say that in a self-pitying way, I'm, I'm quite proud, actually.Willow But what about the rest of us? We still need to be watched! Personally, I can't get through a day without a little hairy eyeball.Giles I appreciate the sentiment, but it's, it's just not so. You'll be fine. You all will. And you know, we'll, we'll stay in touch. You can always call me whenever you like.Willow When are you gonna tell Buffy?Giles Soon. It won't be easy, but, um... I know she'll understand.
Buffy Care to step up for some overtime?Man We're not going to fight.Buffy Do you *know* what a slayer is?Man Do you?Buffy Who are you?Man I apologize. I assumed you knew. I am Dracula.Buffy Get out!
Willow Xand ... what if somebody had a secret, and that somebody promised somebody else that they wouldn't tell anyone.Xander News flash, Will. Everybody knows.Willow No, thi-this isn't about me and Tara.Xander Oh. Well, not that I wouldn't be all ears if you wanted to tell me a secret about you two. Even if it was very, very naughty.Willow Sorry, this is of the non-naughty variety. And I'm not telling you.
Buffy So lemme get this straight. You're ... "Dracula." The guy, the count.Dracula I am.Buffy And you're sure this isn't just some fanboy thing? Cause ... I've fought more than a couple of pimply overweight vamps that called themselves Lestat.Dracula You know who I am. As I would know without question that you are Buffy Summers.Buffy You're heard of me?Dracula Naturally. You're known throughout the world.Buffy Naw. Really?Dracula Why else would I come here? For the sun? I came to meet the renowned ... killer.Buffy Yeah, I prefer the term slayer. You know, killer just sounds so...Dracula Naked?Buffy Like I ... paint clowns or something. I'm the good guy, remember?Dracula Perhaps, but your power is rooted in darkness. You must feel it.Buffy No. You know what I feel? Bored.
Willow Hi.Xander Nice. Look who's got a bad case of dark prince envy.Dracula I have no interest in you. Leave us.Xander No, we're not going to "leave you." And where'd you get that accent, Sesame Street? Vun, two, three -- three victims. Mwa ha ha!
Tara You thought Dracula was sexy?Willow Oh! No. He, he was ... yuck.Anya Right, except for the whole tall, dark, and handsome thing? Yucko.Xander How would you know?Anya Well, we hung out a few times. Back in my demon days, you know, once or twice. He's pretty cool. You know, from, from a whole ... evil thing perspective.Xander Please. He was no big whoop.Willow No big whoop?? What about that thing where he turned himself into a bat? That was awesome!Giles It must have been, yes. I must admit, I'm sorry I missed that.Willow Me too! The whole time I was thinking, 'Gosh, I wish Giles were here, he'd know what to do!'
Buffy So we hold off. No killing until we know exactly what we're dealing with.Riley You're not just saying that because of those dark penetrating eyes of his, are you?Buffy Noooo, his eyes were -- There were - there was no penetration. Cross my heart.
Buffy“Dracula schmacula. ”
Spike I can't be too careful. I got quite a few demons after me these days.Riley I'm looking for some information. Might pay a little.Spike I'll play.Riley What can you tell me about Dracula?Spike Dracula? Poncy bugger owes me eleven pounds, for one thing.Riley You know him?Spike Know him? We're old rivals. But then he got famous, forgot all about his foes. I'll tell you what. That glory hound's done more harm to vampires than any slayer. His story gets out, and suddenly everybody knows how to kill us. You know, the mirror bit?Riley But he's not just a regular vampire. I mean, he has special powers, right?Spike Nothing but showy gypsy stuff. What's it to you, anyway?Riley He's in town. Making his presence known.Spike Drac's in Sunnydale-way? I guess the old boy needed closure after all.Riley Actually, he's gunning for Buffy. But I'm out to find him before he gets another shot at her.Spike Tough talk, cowboy. But you're not gonna catch him napping in a crypt. No, the count has to have his luxury estate and his bug-eaters and his special dirt, don't he?Riley So you're saying I should check out mansions, that sort of thing?Spike No. I'm saying ... you should go home to your superhoney. Have a nice, safe snog. You're out of your depth on this one, boy.Riley You've helped Buffy before, so she has a problem with killing you now that you're helpless.Riley I don't.Spike I'd like to see you try.Riley Would you?Spike Pfft. You're never gonna find him. Not before he gets to her.
D
Dracula You are magnificent.Buffy I bet you say that before you bite all the girls.
Willow Well, I think we have Dracula factoids.Xander Like any of that's enough to fight the dark master.Xander ...bator.
Willow A good Sunnydale rule of thumb? Avoid white-skinned men in capes.Joyce I'm not like this. I don't invite strange men over for coffee, it's just ... Oh, when you girls are older you'll understand. It's hard to date. Sometimes you just ... feel like giving up on men altogether.
Xander I'm supposed to deliver you to the master now. There's this whole deal where I get to be immortal. You cool with that?Buffy Take me to him.
Riley I've lived in Sunnydale a couple of years now. Know what I've never noticed before?Giles Uh, a castle?Riley A big honking castle.
Giles“Oh, good show, Giles. Uhh... at least you didn't get knocked out for a change. Oh ... oh, ladies. You would ... be the three sisters, yes? E-excellent, right. Uh, I'd heard that you were myth ... obviously erroneous. Aah! Ooh, that's, uh, that, uh... tickles! Ooh, uh... oh, dear god. ”
Riley Buffy! You okay?Buffy Yeah. Chock full of free will.Giles And Dracula?Buffy Eurotrashed.
Xander Where is he?? Where's the creep that turned me into his spider-eating man-bitch?Buffy He's gone.Xander Dammit! You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey!Buffy Check. No more butt-monkey.
Riley It coulda been worse. At least you weren't making time with the dracu-babes like Giles here.Giles I was not making time! I, I was, uh, just about to kill those, uh, loathsome creatures when Riley interrupted me.Riley You were gonna nuzzle 'em to death?Giles Of course not! I was in complete... control.
Giles Yes. Thanks for coming. Can I offer you some tea?Buffy Oh ... no, thanks. Ooh, cookies. How come I rate the little cookie treatment?Giles Well, actually, I have something to tell you.Buffy Actually, I have something that I'd like to talk to you about, too.Giles Oh, well, you go first, by all means.Buffy No, go ahead.Giles No, I insist.Buffy You haven't been my Watcher for a while. I haven't been training ... and I haven't really needed to come to you for help.Giles I agree.Buffy And then this whole thing with Dracula ... it made me face up to some stuff. Ever since we did that spell where we called on the first slayer ... I've been going out a lot. Every night.Giles Patrolling?Buffy Hunting. That's ... what Dracula called it. And he was right. He understood my power better than I do. He saw darkness in it.Buffy I need to know more. About where I come from, about the other slayers. I mean, maybe ... maybe if I could learn to control this thing, I could be stronger, I could be better. But ... I'm scared. I know it's gonna be hard. And I can't do it ... without you. I need your help. I need you to be my Watcher again.Buffy Boy, I just, I just keep talking, don't I? I'm sorry, you-you had something you wanted to say?Giles No ... it's nothing.
J
Joyce Buffy? If you're going out, why don't you take your sister?Buffy & Dawn Mom!
Xander I'm exhausted just looking at those two. All the splashing and jumping and running... Shouldn't relaxing involve less exertion?Anya Absolutely. Exertion can lead to sweatiness.Tara Which can cause the pain and heartbreak of stinkiness. Better to just stay put.Willow I think we've just put our finger on why we're the sidekicks.
Buffy Where's my burger?Riley Yeah, man, I'm starving. Cow me.Xander The, uh, fire's not cooperating. It's comforting to know that I lack the culinary finesse of a caveman.Willow Ignis incende.Buffy Willow, check you out! Witch-fu.
Willow“It's no big. You just have to balance the elements so when you affect one, you don't wind up causing... I didn't do it! I didn't do it! ”
Giles Willow, um... you mustn't repeat what I'm about to say. Especially not to Buffy.Willow Uh-oh.Giles You promise?Willow Oh, god. Well, I guess. Now that I know there's something to know, I can't *not* know, just because I'm afraid somebody'll know I know, you know?Giles Did that mean yes?Willow Yeah.Giles We're doing all this because I, I want you and the others to have everything you need at your fingertips. You see, I'm, I'm going back to England.Willow You're ... what? But you can't! You're ... Buffy's Watcher! I mean, in a fired way, but...Giles Well, it's become quite obvious that Buffy doesn't need me. I-I don't say that in a self-pitying way, I'm, I'm quite proud, actually.Willow But what about the rest of us? We still need to be watched! Personally, I can't get through a day without a little hairy eyeball.Giles I appreciate the sentiment, but it's, it's just not so. You'll be fine. You all will. And you know, we'll, we'll stay in touch. You can always call me whenever you like.Willow When are you gonna tell Buffy?Giles Soon. It won't be easy, but, um... I know she'll understand.
Tara You thought Dracula was sexy?Willow Oh! No. He, he was ... yuck.Anya Right, except for the whole tall, dark, and handsome thing? Yucko.Xander How would you know?Anya Well, we hung out a few times. Back in my demon days, you know, once or twice. He's pretty cool. You know, from, from a whole ... evil thing perspective.Xander Please. He was no big whoop.Willow No big whoop?? What about that thing where he turned himself into a bat? That was awesome!Giles It must have been, yes. I must admit, I'm sorry I missed that.Willow Me too! The whole time I was thinking, 'Gosh, I wish Giles were here, he'd know what to do!'
Spike I can't be too careful. I got quite a few demons after me these days.Riley I'm looking for some information. Might pay a little.Spike I'll play.Riley What can you tell me about Dracula?Spike Dracula? Poncy bugger owes me eleven pounds, for one thing.Riley You know him?Spike Know him? We're old rivals. But then he got famous, forgot all about his foes. I'll tell you what. That glory hound's done more harm to vampires than any slayer. His story gets out, and suddenly everybody knows how to kill us. You know, the mirror bit?Riley But he's not just a regular vampire. I mean, he has special powers, right?Spike Nothing but showy gypsy stuff. What's it to you, anyway?Riley He's in town. Making his presence known.Spike Drac's in Sunnydale-way? I guess the old boy needed closure after all.Riley Actually, he's gunning for Buffy. But I'm out to find him before he gets another shot at her.Spike Tough talk, cowboy. But you're not gonna catch him napping in a crypt. No, the count has to have his luxury estate and his bug-eaters and his special dirt, don't he?Riley So you're saying I should check out mansions, that sort of thing?Spike No. I'm saying ... you should go home to your superhoney. Have a nice, safe snog. You're out of your depth on this one, boy.Riley You've helped Buffy before, so she has a problem with killing you now that you're helpless.Riley I don't.Spike I'd like to see you try.Riley Would you?Spike Pfft. You're never gonna find him. Not before he gets to her.
Riley I've lived in Sunnydale a couple of years now. Know what I've never noticed before?Giles Uh, a castle?Riley A big honking castle.