Dawn When I was younger, I used to put my chopsticks in my mouth like this, and then Buffy would chase me around the house yelling, 'I'm the slayer, I'm going to get you!'Anya That's disturbing. You're emotionally scarred and will end up badly.Dawn No, it was great. I mean, she didn't actually stake me in the heart, you know.Xander Buffy's pretty cool like that. So, what do you wanna do now, Dawnster? Keeping in mind that I won't chase you because I'm old and I'm stuffed full of moo goo gai starch.
Dawn It's okay. You guys don't have to make a big deal for me. I'm only sleeping over here so Buffy and Riley can boink.Xander No, that's not, that's not it at all, they just need time to, uh... be tender. Relax.Anya He's not very convincing, is he?Dawn 'Alone time' always translates into 'get Dawn out of the house so we can have loud obnoxious sex.'Anya Oh, does that mean we can't?
Buffy Can we put this song on repeat?Riley Whatever you want.Buffy Can we put the whole night on repeat?Riley Absolutely.Buffy Good. Mm, I can't believe how relaxed I feel. It's like all the tension's just left my body.Riley Oh, really? 'Cause I had that scheduled for a little later on.Buffy Scheduled? Are you planning on seducing me, Mr. Finn?Riley Always.
J
Joyce I don't know, Buffy. I think I'll look like I have a cat on my head.Buffy But a very well groomed cat.
Buffy I gave Riley the day off.Joyce I don't think he thinks of you as a chore, Buffy.Buffy I know that. Look, I told him to make plans with his friends because I wanted to have you all to myself, okay? Besides, I can see him any time. And I'm sure he'll come over later looking for a little... bible study.Joyce Well, good. I mean, just as long as the two of you are spending some quality time with ... the lord.Buffy We are. Absolutely.
Buffy Riley?Spike It's me.Buffy Every time you show up like this, you risk all of your parts, you know that?Spike I wouldn't be here if I didn't have a good reason. As usual, I'm here to help you, and I - are you naked under there?Buffy Get out.Spike No, I'm serious. I mean, not about the naked part, I mean...Buffy Get out or I will drop you out head-first.Spike I wanna show you something.Buffy What?Spike You need to see this.
Giles“And so it begins. No longer a victim of crass holiday commercialization, I'm ... a purveyor of it. ”
Anya Oh. Who ordered more chickens' feet? The ones we have aren't moving at all.Xander That's generally what happens when you cut them off the chicken.Anya I'm serious. Maybe we could do a ... holiday promotion. One free with every purchase!Giles Oh, yeah. Dear holiday memories. Merry tykes by the fire, enjoying their new Christmas ... chicken feet.Willow Aw, holding them tight as they fall asleep. Painting their little toenails.
Anya That's so very humorous. Make fun of the ex-demon! I can just hear you in private. 'I dislike that Anya. She's newly human and strangely literal.'Willow Anya, I don't say that. No one says that. No one talks that way.Anya There's nothing wrong with my idea anyway. I've been very good for this store. If it wasn't for me, Giles would be a terrified old man staring at a quarterly tax statement and wetting himself.Giles I say, that's an exaggeration.Willow Anya, you've helped out a lot, but I have too.Anya Yes, I forgot about all the vigorous sitting around.Xander Anya, you can back off a little. You get paid. Willow's doing this on her own time.Anya I'm sorry, Willow. Thank you for making time in your busy life to come in here and get in the way of mine.Xander Anya, play nice.Anya You know, fine, take her side instead of mine - even though I'm the one who sleeps with you and feeds you, bathes you...Willow She bathes you?Xander Only in an erotic, Penthouse-y way, not in a sponge-bath-y geriatric sort of...Giles Please! Stop, I beg of you.
Buffy I need to find out everything I can about a vamp nest downtown.Giles A nest? What sort of-Buffy There were people there. It, um, it looked like they were paying vampires to bite them.Xander *Now* I know what to get for the person who has everything!
Anya“Have a nice day! Don't get killed. ”
Spike What took you? It takes a while to get back to full strength after those bites. Hey! Hey, let's be reasonable about this.Riley You may have noticed, Spike, I left reasonable about three exits back.Spike Look, I'm not the one who got you into this. Don't kill the messenger.Riley Why the hell not?
Spike Ow! Bloody hell! Oh god! Hey.Riley Plastic wood-grain. Looks real, doesn't it? Don't think I don't know what's goin' on with you, Spike. Stay away from her. Or we'll do this for real next time.
Spike Oh, man. You are really under it, aren't you?Riley What?Spike Look at you. All afraid I'm hot for your honey.Riley Because you are.Spike Well ... yeah. But that's not your problem. Even if I wasn't in the picture, you're never gonna be able to hold onto her.
Spike Ow, bloody hell!Riley Maybe I didn't almost kill you enough.Spike Come on. You're not the long haul guy and you know it.Riley Shut up.Spike You know it. Or else you wouldn't be getting suck jobs from two-bit vampire trolls.
Spike“The girl needs some monster in her man ... and that's not in your nature... ...no matter how low you try to go. ”
Riley You actually think you've got a shot with her?Spike No, I don't. Fella's gotta try, though. Gotta do what he can.Riley If you touched her... you know I'd kill you for real.Spike I had this chip outta my head, I'da killed you long ago. Ain't love grand?
Spike“Sometimes I envy you so much it chokes me. And sometimes I think I got the better deal. To be that close to her and not have her. To be all alone even when you're holding her. Feeling her, feeling her beneath you. Surrounding you. The scent ... No, you got the better deal. ”
Xander Yeah, when we went to deal with that vampire nest, she got all Rambo and torched the place. Something seriously bad is going on with her.Anya Oh, I don't know, maybe you're overreacting. I mean, who hasn't done stuff like that from time to time? I mean, I made this one guy spontaneously combust, and he set his whole village on fire.
Anya A little after-hours hanky-panky in the training room, huh? Boy, Xander and I could tell you some stories...Xander Not now. Let's go, Anya.Anya There's a funny thing with the vaulting horse that you can tr...Xander Anya!Anya What? He started it.Xander In your world, maybe, but where the people are, this isn't the time for 'Tales of Anya and Xander's Sexcapades.'Anya Oh. Uh, well, maybe we can go home and, you know, have 'em.Xander Actually, I've got some stuff to take care of.
Buffy I'm serious. Unless you wanna fight.Riley So let's fight. We need to have this out, Buffy. Right now.Buffy And say what, Riley? 'What were you thinking? How long have you been lying to me?' Nothing you say right now is gonna make this better.Riley I realize that. I don't expect... I just need you to hear me out.Buffy Fine. Get your hand off of me.
Riley I think, when this thing started, it was just some stupid, immature game. I wanted to even the score after you let Dracula bite you.Buffy I did not *let* Dracula-Riley I know. On some level I know that. But I was still spun. I don't know, I - I wanted to know what you felt. I wanted to know why Dracula and Angel have so much power over you.Buffy You so don't get it.Riley I wanted to get it, Buffy. I wanted to get you.Buffy So this is my fault? Hey, gee, Buffy's so mysterious, I think I'll go out and almost die. I think I'll go and let some other w...Riley This isn't your fault. It's mine. I feel like hell for what I've put you through. It's just... these girls-Buffy Vampires. Killers.Riley They made me feel something, Buffy. Something I didn't even know I was missing until-Buffy I can't. I can't hear this.Riley You *need* to hear this.
Buffy Fine. Fine! Tell me about your whores! Tell me what on earth they were giving you that I can't.Riley They needed me.Buffy They needed your money. It wasn't about you.Riley No. On some basic level it *was* about me. My blood, my body. When they bit me ... it was beyond passion. They wanted to devour me, all of me.Buffy Why are you telling me this?Riley It wasn't real. I know, it was just physical. But the fact that I craved it ... that, that I kept going back ... even if it was fleeting, they made me feel like they had such... hunger for me.Buffy And I don't ... make you feel that way? How on earth can you compare me to that? How can you tell me you understand what those vampires are feeling? You aren't a passion to them, you are a snack! A willing, idiotic snack.Riley No, I know exactly what they feel when they bite me, because I feel it every time we're together. It's like the whole world falls away. And all there is is you.Buffy And you think that I don't feel the same way about you? How dare you tell me what I feel?Riley You keep me at a distance, Buffy. You didn't even call me when your mom went into the hospital.Buffy Oh, I'm sorry. You know, um, I'm sorry that I couldn't take care of you when I thought that my mother was dying.Riley It's about me taking care of you! It's about letting me in. So you don't have to be on top of everything all the time.Buffy But I do. That's part of what being a slayer is. And that's what this is really about, isn't it? You can't handle the fact that I'm stronger than you.Riley It's hard sometimes, yeah. But that's not it.Buffy Then what? What else do you want from me, Riley? I've given you everything that I have, I've given you my heart, my body and soul!Riley You say that, but I don't feel it. I just don't feel it.Buffy Well, whose fault its that? Because I'm telling you, this is it, this is me. This is the package. And if it's so deficient that you need to get your kicks elsewhere ... then we really have a problem.
Riley They want me back, Buffy ... the military. It's deep undercover, no contact with civilians. Transport's leaving tonight.Buffy Tonight? When were you gonna tell me about this?Riley I'm telling you now.Buffy Are you going?Riley I don't know. If we can't work this out...Buffy Then what? This is goodbye? You are unbelievable. You're giving me an ultimatum?Riley No, I'm not.Buffy Yes you are! You expect me to get over it now or you're gone!Riley I don't, Buffy, that's not what I meant.Buffy Well, I have heard enough. I will not take the blame for this.Riley I'm not asking you to.Buffy Let go of me!Riley Or what? You'll hit me? Go ahead. Come on, do it.Buffy Get out of my way.Riley I'm serious, Buffy, hit me. Hit me.
Riley“I'm leaving, Buffy. Unless you give me a reason to stay ... I'm leaving tonight. ”
V
Vamp2 The pyro act was a bad idea, slayer.Buffy Felt pretty good to me.Vamp2 I'm not running. And you're not shutting me down. In fact ... you're not gonna make it through the night.
Xander Take this, for instance. You don't wanna deal, so you hide? It's not very slayer-like.Buffy Just leave me alone, Xander. You have no idea what's going on.Xander No? Good, so you and Riley *aren't* imploding? It doesn't take a genius. What I can't figure out is how you never saw it coming.Buffy What? Who told you?Xander Nobody told me anything, Buffy. It was right in front of my Xander face. The guy would do anything for you.Buffy The guy got himself bit by a vampire! He lied to me. He ran around behind my back and almost got himself killed! And now he tells me that he's leaving with some covert military operation at midnight unless *I* convince him not to. Now tell me that you understand. Because I sure as hell don't.Xander You gonna let him go?Buffy It's not my decision to make.Xander Of course it is.Buffy Well, it's not fair.Xander Who cares if it's fair? In about twenty minutes, Riley's gonna disappear, maybe forever, unless you do something to stop him.Buffy What am I supposed to do? Beg him to stay?Xander Why wouldn't you? To keep Riley here-Buffy I don't even know who he is any more. I mean, I thought he was ... dependable.Xander Dependable? What is he, State Farm?Buffy You know what I mean.Xander Yeah. I think you mean convenient. I think you took it for granted that he was gonna show up when you wanted him to, and take off when you didn't.Buffy Look who's talking. Look who has Anya following him around like a lovesick puppy.Xander Oh boy, is this *not* about me.Buffy Is she more than a convenience? 'Cause that would kinda be a surprise.Xander If you don't wanna hear what I have to say, I'll shut up right now.Buffy Good, 'cause I don't.Xander I lied. See, what I think, you got burned with Angel, then Riley shows up.Buffy I know the story, Xander.Xander But you miss the point. You shut down, Buffy. And you've been treating Riley like the rebound guy. When he's the one that comes along once in a lifetime. He's never held back with you. He's risked everything. And you're about to let him fly because you don't like ultimatums?Xander If he's not the guy, if what he needs from you just isn't there, let him go. Break his heart, and make it a clean break. But if you really think you can love this guy ... I'm talking scary, messy, no-emotions-barred need ... if you're ready for that ... then think about what you're about to lose.Buffy Xander...Xander Run.
Xander“I've gotta say something...'Cause ... I don't think I've made it clear. I'm in love with you. Powerfully, painfully in love. The things you do ... the way you think ... the way you move ... I get excited every time I'm about to see you. You make me feel like I've never felt before in my life. Like a man. I just thought you might wanna know. ”
Dawn When I was younger, I used to put my chopsticks in my mouth like this, and then Buffy would chase me around the house yelling, 'I'm the slayer, I'm going to get you!'Anya That's disturbing. You're emotionally scarred and will end up badly.Dawn No, it was great. I mean, she didn't actually stake me in the heart, you know.Xander Buffy's pretty cool like that. So, what do you wanna do now, Dawnster? Keeping in mind that I won't chase you because I'm old and I'm stuffed full of moo goo gai starch.
Buffy Can we put this song on repeat?Riley Whatever you want.Buffy Can we put the whole night on repeat?Riley Absolutely.Buffy Good. Mm, I can't believe how relaxed I feel. It's like all the tension's just left my body.Riley Oh, really? 'Cause I had that scheduled for a little later on.Buffy Scheduled? Are you planning on seducing me, Mr. Finn?Riley Always.
Giles“And so it begins. No longer a victim of crass holiday commercialization, I'm ... a purveyor of it. ”
Anya Oh. Who ordered more chickens' feet? The ones we have aren't moving at all.Xander That's generally what happens when you cut them off the chicken.Anya I'm serious. Maybe we could do a ... holiday promotion. One free with every purchase!Giles Oh, yeah. Dear holiday memories. Merry tykes by the fire, enjoying their new Christmas ... chicken feet.Willow Aw, holding them tight as they fall asleep. Painting their little toenails.
Spike What took you? It takes a while to get back to full strength after those bites. Hey! Hey, let's be reasonable about this.Riley You may have noticed, Spike, I left reasonable about three exits back.Spike Look, I'm not the one who got you into this. Don't kill the messenger.Riley Why the hell not?
Riley You actually think you've got a shot with her?Spike No, I don't. Fella's gotta try, though. Gotta do what he can.Riley If you touched her... you know I'd kill you for real.Spike I had this chip outta my head, I'da killed you long ago. Ain't love grand?
Xander Yeah, when we went to deal with that vampire nest, she got all Rambo and torched the place. Something seriously bad is going on with her.Anya Oh, I don't know, maybe you're overreacting. I mean, who hasn't done stuff like that from time to time? I mean, I made this one guy spontaneously combust, and he set his whole village on fire.