Buffy Spike! Spike wants me, how obscene is that?Giles Well, it is very strange. I can't imagine what he's thinking. Uh, not, not that you're not, uh, attractive...Buffy I feel gross, you know, like, like, dirty.
Giles That's ridiculous, you can't be responsible for what Spike thinks or, feels.Buffy Well, aren't I responsible? I mean, something about me had to make him feel that, right? Something that made him say, "woof, that's the one for me!"
Buffy Oh! Puffy Xander, uh, I'm sorry, I got ... guess I got carried away. Are you okay?Xander I'm alive. I can tell 'cause of the pain.Buffy Do you wanna sit down?Xander I'm not that bendy. I could lean.Giles I'll get some ice.
Buffy Comfy?Xander Oh, yeah. This leaning? This is the stuff.
Xander The problem is not you. Don't do this to yourself, please.Buffy It's just ... I just wanna know that there's gonna be another good one. One that I won't chase away.Xander There will be. Promise. He's out there, he could come along any minute.Buffy Yeah, and the minute after that I can terrify him with my alarming strength and remarkable self-involvement.Xander What? I don't think you're like that.Buffy Maybe I could change. You know, I could, I could work harder. I could spend less time slaying, I could laugh at his jokes, I mean, men like that, right, the, the joke-laughing-at?Xander Or maybe you could just be Buffy, he'll see your amazing heart, and he'll fall in love with you.Buffy Xander, that's ... aw!Xander This is the day you choose to hug me? Buffy?Buffy Mm?Xander You ever think maybe the reason you haven't found a great relationship on the Hellmouth is ... because it's a Hellmouth? Seems to me it's a pretty terrible place to try to build anything.Buffy Mm.
Buffy I might like it more than the others. Can you spin around again?Dawn Ooh, I'm not sure. Once more.Buffy Now could you go the other way?Joyce You're messing with me!Buffy We just wanted to see how many times we could get you to do it.Dawn Was that five, or four and a half?
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Joyce So is anyone gonna talk about my dress?Dawn I like it.Joyce You sure? I mean, it's not too mom-ish?Dawn Oh. That was why I liked it.Buffy You're both crazy. It's not mom-ish at all. It's sexy. It screams, "Randy sex kitten, buy me one drink and I'll..." Oh, wait, that's not really good either.
Dawn So what's the plan for tonight?Joyce Dinner and then a movie. Or maybe it was ... a movie and then dinner. Which might be better, because ... you know, then we could talk about the movie. Or maybe a movie isn't a good idea at all, because, well, you know, you can't talk during, and, and then, you know, what's the point of any of it? Oh, and about the restaurant. Do you think ... that it should be one with candles, and romantic music, or is that pushing it? Buffy, what do you think? Should I, you know, try to make things romantic, or ... sorta let him set the pace?Buffy Oh, no. Love Doctor Buffy is not in. I am not qualified to give dating advice. I've had exactly two boyfriends, and they both left. Really left. Left town left.Joyce Honey, you just had some bad luck.
Tara Willow's good at all that computer stuff, but me not so much. Do you really understand all that?Anya Oh. Well, at first it was confusing. Just the idea of computers was like, "whoa, I'm eleven hundred years old. I had trouble adjusting to the idea of Lutherans."
Tara“I go online sometimes, but ... everyone's spelling is really bad, and it's ... depressing. ”
Tara You, you can do all this stuff with a regular computer?Anya I'll show you. You can also see the website I designed for the magic shop. Huge photo of me.
Xander How you doing, having o' the fun?Buffy You know, I am. Dancing with you is way better than trying to hook up with some good-looking guy.Xander I think I liked it better when you were kicking me in my puffy groin.
Buffy Ben! Hey. I didn't even know you were here - and again with the non-medical clothing.Ben Well, actually, these are orthopedic pants. Man, that sounded so funny in my head.
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April“Is Warren here? ”
Willow I thought you were getting the crunchies.Anya Xander got hypnotized by the strange girl. I am remaining calm, however.Xander Uh-uh, no, I'm, I'm right with you. You don't know what you're talking about. Here she comes.
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April I heard that Warren was here. Is Warren here?Xander Um, Warren who?April He's ... Warren. And he's looking for me. He lost me.
Spike Small world. Oh dear. If looks could stake. You having fun, pet? You ... trolling for your next ex? I gotta say, you can do better.Buffy I told you, I wa-Spike Thought I was gonna leave town? It's a free country. Free party. If you want me to leave, you can put your hands on my hot, tight little body and make me.
Buffy So, are you ready to dance?Ben Um, first...Buffy What's that?Ben Uh, yeah, my phone number. I was gonna try to subtly work it into the conversation, but it didn't pan out, and I thought I should try to give it to you before you see me dance.
Spike“Bloody hell! You threw me through a window! What's that about? ”
Buffy“Excuse me. Hi. Um, uh, maybe you and I could talk. You know, 'cause, throwing Spike through a window, well, that's really good... um, but, you know, generally.. ”
Buffy I don't know about you guys, but I've had it with super-strong little women who aren't me.Tara Well, at least she didn't do too much damage.Xander Are you kidding? Double-glazed windows ain't cheap. And the jamb needs to be completely repaired. Oh dear god, I'm the grownup who sees the world through my job. I'm like my uncle Dave the plumber. I must be shunned.Willow Okay.Buffy So, what do you guys think she is? I mean, this may sound nuts, but I kinda got the impression that she was a-Tara Robot.Xander Oh yeah, robot.Buffy Yeah, I was gonna say robot.
Buffy What do you think she wants?Tara Warren, whoever that is.Xander It's gotta be the guy that built her.Willow It's an unusual name. There's hardly any except ... Warren Beatty and, you know, President Harding. It-it's probably not either of them.Buffy Will, can you track down this guy with only a first name?Willow Given enough time. I can get a list of the Sunnydale students named Warren tonight, but ... then we'll have to call them or go to their dorms, so we probably can't start narrowing it down till tomorrow.
Giles Dear god, Buffy, there's only so much I can take. We're going to have to change the system. A fourteen-year-old's too old to be babysat, and it's not fair on her.Buffy What'd she make you do?Giles Um, well, we listened to aggressively cheerful music sung by people chosen for their ability to dance ... then we ate cookie dough and talked about boys.Buffy 'm sorry. I'm very very sorry, but if it makes you feel any better, my "fun time Buffy party night" involved watching a robot throw Spike through a window, so if you wanna trade... No ... wait ... I wouldn't give that memory up for anything.Giles A robot? Sounds interesting.Buffy We're gonna work on it in the morning. I mean, unless you wanna stay for a while, and then you and I could-Joyce Who wants to hear everything?Buffy ...listen to my mom talk about boys.Giles Right, must go. See you tomorrow. Bye Joyce.Joyce Bye Rupert.
Buffy It all looked pretty tame to me.Joyce Well, I suppose by your standards it could seem pretty ... Oh dear.Buffy What?Joyce I left my bra in his car.Buffy Mother!Joyce I'm joking.Buffy Good god, that's horrible. Don't do that.Joyce I left it in the restaurant.Buffy No more! No more! No more!Joyce On the dessert cart!Buffy I can't hear you!
Giles And you're certain she was a robot?Buffy Absolutely.Tara Well, she practically had "Genuine Molded Plastic" stamped on her ass. Just ... tryin' a little spicy talk.
Giles Is there something the rest of us could be doing?Xander What can we do?Tara Oh, do you have any books on robots?Giles Oh, yes, dozens. There's an enormous amount of research we should do before - no, I'm lying. I haven't got squat, I just like to see Xander squirm.Xander Funny. Charming and funny.
Xander“She's a sexbot. I mean what guy doesn't dream about that. A beautiful girl with ... no other thought but to please you ... willing to do anything... Too many girls. I miss Oz. He'd get it. He wouldn't say anything, but... he'd get it. ”
Spike Hello, all. What's going on then?Giles Spike, you're not welcome here.Willow Yeah, and by the way, we're working on a way to de-invite you from here. Even if it is a public place.Xander Nah, forget it. Letting him in is good, 'cause then we get to toss him out.Anya Ooh, can we throw him out the window like the robot did? 'Cause that was neat.Spike Robot? That's what she was? Knew something wasn't right. Someone's glad to see me, aren't you, little bit?Dawn Stay away from me.Tara I think you better go.Spike Okay, now, I was afraid of this. Misrepresentations, misunderstandings, slurs and allegations. I don't know what Buffy told you, but the thing is, the Slayer and I worked together, side by side, to get rid of Dru. Who was up to no good. And I don't mind telling you-Giles Spike ... listen to me.Spike It's just ... I'm trying to explain. She might have said some things that sounded like I expressed some kind of feeling-Giles We are not your friends. We are not your way to Buffy. There is no way to Buffy. Clear out of here. And Spike, this thing ... get over it.Spike I don't know what you mean.Giles Yes, you do. Move the hell on.
Buffy She growls? You made her so she growls?Warren Well...
Xander One of the cool things about that, you see is, uh, the jamb can be shimmed to be square, even if the opening isn't.Buffy Shimmed? Is that even a real word? Do you have any idea what you're talking about?Xander Yeah, I do. Scary, isn't it? I think I've actually turned into someone you want around after a crazed robot attack.Buffy And if you ever start your own business, you have your slogan right there. And she wasn't crazed.Xander Yeah?Buffy She devoted everything to making this one person happy. And then it was like, with him gone, there was just ... no reason for her to exist any more.Xander Robots are the strangest people.Buffy No ... people are the strangest people. I mean, look at me obsessing about being with someone. It's like ... I don't need a guy right now. I need me. I need to get comfortable being alone with Buffy.Xander Well, I'll say this, she's a pretty cool person to be alone with.Buffy Thank you.
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Warren How, how'd you get in here?Spike Your mum let me in. I'm placing an order.Warren Oh, no, no, I'm not making any more girls.Spike Sure you are. Here's your specs. You're going to make her real good for me.
Buffy Spike! Spike wants me, how obscene is that?Giles Well, it is very strange. I can't imagine what he's thinking. Uh, not, not that you're not, uh, attractive...Buffy I feel gross, you know, like, like, dirty.
Giles That's ridiculous, you can't be responsible for what Spike thinks or, feels.Buffy Well, aren't I responsible? I mean, something about me had to make him feel that, right? Something that made him say, "woof, that's the one for me!"
Xander The problem is not you. Don't do this to yourself, please.Buffy It's just ... I just wanna know that there's gonna be another good one. One that I won't chase away.Xander There will be. Promise. He's out there, he could come along any minute.Buffy Yeah, and the minute after that I can terrify him with my alarming strength and remarkable self-involvement.Xander What? I don't think you're like that.Buffy Maybe I could change. You know, I could, I could work harder. I could spend less time slaying, I could laugh at his jokes, I mean, men like that, right, the, the joke-laughing-at?Xander Or maybe you could just be Buffy, he'll see your amazing heart, and he'll fall in love with you.Buffy Xander, that's ... aw!Xander This is the day you choose to hug me? Buffy?Buffy Mm?Xander You ever think maybe the reason you haven't found a great relationship on the Hellmouth is ... because it's a Hellmouth? Seems to me it's a pretty terrible place to try to build anything.Buffy Mm.
Dawn So what's the plan for tonight?Joyce Dinner and then a movie. Or maybe it was ... a movie and then dinner. Which might be better, because ... you know, then we could talk about the movie. Or maybe a movie isn't a good idea at all, because, well, you know, you can't talk during, and, and then, you know, what's the point of any of it? Oh, and about the restaurant. Do you think ... that it should be one with candles, and romantic music, or is that pushing it? Buffy, what do you think? Should I, you know, try to make things romantic, or ... sorta let him set the pace?Buffy Oh, no. Love Doctor Buffy is not in. I am not qualified to give dating advice. I've had exactly two boyfriends, and they both left. Really left. Left town left.Joyce Honey, you just had some bad luck.
Tara Willow's good at all that computer stuff, but me not so much. Do you really understand all that?Anya Oh. Well, at first it was confusing. Just the idea of computers was like, "whoa, I'm eleven hundred years old. I had trouble adjusting to the idea of Lutherans."
Willow I thought you were getting the crunchies.Anya Xander got hypnotized by the strange girl. I am remaining calm, however.Xander Uh-uh, no, I'm, I'm right with you. You don't know what you're talking about. Here she comes.
Spike Small world. Oh dear. If looks could stake. You having fun, pet? You ... trolling for your next ex? I gotta say, you can do better.Buffy I told you, I wa-Spike Thought I was gonna leave town? It's a free country. Free party. If you want me to leave, you can put your hands on my hot, tight little body and make me.